Do you force your preteens/teens out?

[slowdownn]

My kids have got to that awkward age where they no longer want to come out anywhere with me but not quite old enough to be left home alone, not for extended periods of time anyway. Should I be forcing them to come out or just respect their wishes? There was a local bonfire event today and I wanted to go but none of them wanted to. It’s getting depressing having to spend every weekend sat inside because they don’t want to go anywhere but not old to be left alone (ages 11-13)

Yes, of course you do. They can't just stay in their rooms all weekend when events are planned.

Id say so yes. I have this yet to come. Like you Op, I dont want to sit in all the time.

I keep being told most teens don’t want to be seen dead with their parents anymore 😂 and I didn’t hang out with my mum at their ages so I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing making them come to places with me when most teens don’t want to hang out with their mum so what age would you do this to?

Yes. They’re 16 and 14.

Not all the time but from time to time we insist that they come out for a walk in the hills. with us. We even insisted on DSs 14th birthday this week. He didnt want to of course and he thought it v unfair.

He loved it when we got to the summit, with the autumn sun shining and the wind howling. And we had a lovely takeaway and film when we got back.

He did admit that he’d have had a less good time if we’d allowed him to sit on his Xbox all day as he wanted.

recently we have also insisted they come to various national trust houses, beaches, art galleries and so on. My son moans about it in a half jokey way but he quite likes it really and he loves the inevitable tea and cake or pub visit that always accompanies these outings.

we take our approach from DHs eldest brother who always just insisted his teens go along walking etc with them, even when they were 18/16. As a result they had lots of nice family time together.

it’s not a given that you get to secondary school and suddenly you spend no time with your parents. Kids need parents and parents are at their best when we’re all out enjoying ourselves not when we’re rushing around at home doing chores and getting irritated with each other.

Something like a local bonfire, I'd suggest they arrange to meet up with some mates and go off with them for a bit.

But otherwise - bribe them with food?

Depends on how sensible they are, but basically unless they are able to be left for an extended period of time without concerns. But I'd still say that anything prearranged they had to come to, that's just basic good manners.

Oh they are not the kind of kids that enjoy it once they come out 😂 they spend the whole time miserable and I and up wondering why I bothered

I would sometimes, but not excessively. It's all about balance.

But I do think 11 and 13 is plenty old enough to be left at home for a few hours while you go to a local bonfire event.

Why did you not feel safe leaving them?

Under the age of 16, definitely yes!
Unless they’re ill I insist everyone in the house leaves it at least once over the weekend.

Depends how much energy I can muster up and whether it's worth it.
They're usually happy to come if it involves an expensive over priced drink and snack from Costa lot coffee or similar.

And family events like bonfire night would not be up for discussion.

I wouldn’t have my schedule totally ruled by them. But I wouldn’t drag them to every single thing i wanted to do.

Plus I think a 13 year old (depending on how sensible) can probably be left alone for a few hours. I was left alone for a few hours in the afternoon or evening at that age, and then I was babysitting at 14. And I don’t think that was particularly young.

They don’t like being left home alone.

They don’t like being left home alone.

We’re going through this too. Eldest is so absolutely miserable if we force her out anywhere. Only wants to stay in her room or be with her friends 😔

In that case they definitely have to come!

I'd give them the option of coming or staying at home, but they can't demand that you don't leave the house either. That's ridiculous.

Oh well fuck that. They don’t get to refuse to go somewhere and refuse to let you go and leave them for a couple of hours!

Thank you yes they are so grumpy if I force them out and end up arguing and being miserable just ruins the day anyway

Yes exactly that happened today. We went out for lunch. Somewhere she used to love. She was grumpy the whole time and quite mean to younger sibling. I’m really not sure how to handle it either. I’m hoping it’s just a phase

Yes I did. They had to do something over the weekend.

I don’t see the point in dragging miserable teenagers anywhere, it just ruins it for everyone.

If they're not old enough to be left alone and they spoil the event for you, I'd get them a babysitter.

Can they each bring a friend? That helps with my kids.

That’s how I’m starting to feel

I would have a family meeting and say we are doing something monthly where you all have to come. And then say you will still be going to other events. If you take a stand and still go then that may force their hands!

I get it though :) but we are the parents for a reason. We are there to guide them. Being dictated too wouldn’t work for me.