School's Over-reaction

[Badslithery]

My DD has a detention tonight simply because she asked to go to the bog during class. I'm more annoyed as we have plans for tonight and if she does the detention we'll have to rush around and will probably be late.

I'm wondering whether I should phone the school, would they let her miss it or do it next week or should I tell them I think they're over-reacting?

I've never though bog was a rude word? I use it too and nobody has ever said anything.

If it is known as a rude word I will tell DD straight away to use toilet. She is 11.

WTF!!! Detention for not putting her hand up and shouting along a corridor that she was going to the bog? FFS! Would it have been ok if she'd shouted "I'm going to the ladies room"?
Ok, she should've put her hand up, ok, she shouldn't have shouted down the corridor, but after school detention is a major punishment and is waaaay over the top for what has been described here.
If you use big punishments for small crimes you have no where to go if a big crime is committed.

Well, it's possibly not rude in the Gordon Ramsay scheme of things but it's not polite!

i disagree dindong.. i think standards in behaiour start with zero tolerance of this sort of thing, these are secondary school children, who should be able to control themselves enough to put their hand up and not to shout down a corridor.

Bog is vulgar, shouting right, left and centre is rude.

But worth an actual after school detention? Maybe a lunchtime detention, in a strict school. If she'd sworn a lot then maybe I'd not be so aghast at the punishment.

Sorry but 'bog' is awful.

If the school sees detention as a fitting punishment, then I would agree with them. But I don't actually agree with after school detentions when it interferes with family life - I don't see why the whole family should be inconvenienced because of this. I don't understand why a teacher would want to work overtime doing an after school detention either!

I think the school should stick to lunch time detentions.

She was shouting down a coridor during lesson time dingdong, whether it was the right/wrong vocab to use is another matter. School rules are school rules.

Where are you from Badslithery ? Maybe Bog is used in your area - but where I live - down south - it wuld be considered extremely vulgar !

I also disagree with ding dong - you've got to get the small things right - if you let them slip you are on a hiding to nothing

I expect it wasn't so much the word she used but the tone and attitude involved in the whole episode that put the teacher's back up. Have you talked to her about what she thinks she should have done differently?

If school chooses to use detention for that level of misdemeanour then yes it does merit it. It's not like they are beating her black and blue is it? She simply loses some of her free time as a consequence of her actions. Although your ex is paying the fees I assume you had some say in the choice of school originally? If so then you presumably accepted the principle of detention. If you don't like it when it impacts on your plans then tough!

So what is used as punishment these days? Lines, detention, suspension... There's only so many things a school can to and that punishment should reflect the seriousness of the action. I'm not saying she shouldn't have been reprimanded, but after school detention is too much.

Dingdong, perhaps this is not the first time she has spoken out of turn?

Detention seems entirely appropriate to me ! She hasn't been suspended or anything has she ? Just being kept in for an hour or watever !

Perspective needed methinks !

Then we get into context pp, and with the full story I may agree with the punishment, but not as it stands.

I don't think you should complain, I think you should be happy that the school are helong to install manners in your DD and that you should back them up.

I agree with everyone else who has said about being on top of the small things in order to help with the big ones.

You complaining to the school will just make your DD think that punishments can be fit around whenever suits and they shouldn;t

The child was rude and disrespectful to her teacher and the school - would we need to wait for her to start wielding spray paint and fake poo before they took action that involves her losing something as a consequence of her actions? The school have drawn a line here - seems reasonable to me.

Even if I thought the school was wrong or over-reacting, I would back-up the school. If you respect your child's school, your child will respect the school.

Bog is a horrible word. It's no way to speak to a teacher.

I think the school are supposed to give you notice of an after school detention. If it is inconvenient for your family then I think it would be appropriate for you to ask if she can do it one day next week instead.

But you must let the punishment stand, she cannot know that she can complain to you and she will not be punished at school.

Even if they are over-reacting this time, it will even itself out over her whole school career, she will go unpunished for something when she deserved it.

Was the detention because she asked to go to the bog or the toilet?

Loo would definitely be a better word if she can say it (does she still have speech problems?)

Incidentally, knowing my dd1, I have an image in my head of a stroppy 14 year old leaning back on the back two legs of her chair, chewing gum, having just put away her make-up and hair straighteners saying to the teacher "I'm off to the bog miss" with that sullen look that says "don't even think about stopping me, beeeeeatch!"

(but maybe that's just my dd1 )

i think its rude too.my ds1 had/has speech difficulties but he is polite.(he is a complete handful but thats another story).how old is your dd?from op it sounds more like your worried about being held up than by the actual detention.have you spoken to the school about how you feel?

Must read thread before posting.

Bog wouldn't be the first word that sprang to mind when trying to teach a child to say toilet. Loo is easier I think.

I think the detention is fine and you can not be serious about asking to have it moved to next week as you have plans?