Why do I even bother.. kids!

[SouthMumof2]

Fed up dragging the kids off their iPads .. it’s like they are glued to them and I honestly think would sit on them from the minute they got up til they went to sleep. All half term been getting moans and groans from then (10,12) when taking them to some decent activities that I would be over the moon with as a child. Today’s final straw was I’d booked swimming, mainly to get them exercise as well.. heard 12 year old say to her online friend‘I’ve got to go my mum is making me get off’ so ungrateful (£21) for 3 of us to swim and it’s got flumes ect so not just a pool. Both have come home and gone straight back on iPads. I wonder why I even bother now. Any other parents experiencing the same thing?

I have two the same age and they have screen time limits on their iPads. An hour on school nights, 2 hours at weekends and in school holidays. Clearly established boundaries so they know what to expect.

Is it worth the hassle of removing the iPads for a month? Completely?

Well you are making a rod for your own back by not limiting screen time surely?

I do try and limit and have strict rules around meal times at the table and all electronics out of bedrooms hours before bed ect ect.. it’s just the total lack of want to do anything other than that.. fed up getting eye rolls when trying to do something nice. I hated being indoors as a kid and all they want to do is be inside.. it’s totally alien to me. I’m also very sporty and neither of them are interested.. guess I’m just feeling a bit bleugh about it all today.

Just remove them completely. Lock them somewhere they can’t access.

The more they’re on them, the more they’ll want to be on them. A lot of the games they play are designed to be addictive.
If they only get a certain amount of iPad time a day and it’s non negotiable, they’ll soon find other things to do.
Think about it… going out and doing sports, swimming etc takes effort. Playing on an iPad takes none, but still gives them a dopamine hit. A lot of kids will choose screen time if given the option.

I think you’re expecting too much to allow a 10 and 12 year old almost unlimited access to ipads and then think they’ll be able to self regulate it and balance it normally with other activities. They can’t. It’s designed to be addictive and they’re preteens with developing brains who need you to set firm, fair boundaries and stick to them. Not during meals times or overnight isn’t really a boundary at all and it’s not massively surprising they don’t want to do anything else. Have a think about what works for your household but I’d be cutting them back massively to maybe an hour in the morning since it’s HT and an hour in the evening. Then if they know it’s not on offer during the day and it’s never going to be they might be enthusiastic about swimming because the alternative is making their own fun.

Unfortunately iPads and all the apps on them are designed to be terribly addictive ☹️

To be honest the weather is crap and drizzly and when I was their age I would have wanted to spend the half term curled up inside doing the 80s equivalent - watching TV and Videos.
What are they actually doing on the Ipads?
My daughter will sometimes spend hours watching several episodes of favourite TV shows online (either via YouTube or streaming like Netflix). When it's cold and crappy outside I don't mind her doing that rather than having to venture outside.
If they are just watch tiktok on a loop or something....then it's different.

They don't want to do anything else because nothing else will give them the same dopamine hit.

Honestly set timers and get their devices to lock. It will be painful for you to begin with when they are screaming they can't speak with their friends. They'll get the hint eventually to do something else outside like visit their friends or a gosh a walk maybe?

People say its drizzly and wet? And? It's been gross here but I've seen two tween boys in our village clad out in waterproofs doing wheelies through puddles and having great fun. Weather is no obstacle.

The only answer to it is to change the dynamic - at the moment they are seeing that the iPads are "theirs" and they have the right to go on them as much as they want bar a few minor rules such as not at mealtimes, a few hours before bed etc.

Therefore they gripe and moan when asked to come off because in their minds, you're being unreasonable to expect that of them - they have the entitlement to use it all the time and asking them to do something else is taking that away. You were probably excited to go to a swimming pool etc as a child because you didn't have an endlessly stimulating personalised entertainment machine at home!

If you set it up in a different way that the iPad belongs to you, and they are allowed to access it for a certain amount of time or for short periods at your discretion, they would see it more as a privilege and feel less entitled to use it constantly.

It's not too late to swap to the second one but you can either rip the plaster off and do it the painful way or gradually increase the rules e.g. exclude more and more of the day from "automatic unlimited access" and do it that way.

Sorry - I know it was a moan but it's not outside of your control.

2 hours a day. That's the limit. Impose it.

Honestly I'm a teacher and we always tell the parents of kids at our school to not expect the kids to do anything October ½ term and to just let them chill out.
The 1st half term of the school year is really full on!

You can chill out without spending all day glued to an iPad though.

Same here - I’ve given up. They can sit on them. I’ve been to work all week. Having to bribe kids to do what I would’ve loved doing when I was young has worn so thin now. It’s different times. They just aren’t interested

Oh dear…..here come the sanctimonious posts from the mumsnetters condemning all iPad use and claiming their child still doesn’t have one at 14…

Yeah, except literally no one has said that. The OP is frustrated with her children’s’ iPad use. People have just said that iPads are additive and the only way to reduce it is to put limits on it, because it’s really hard for kids/teens to self regulate.

The thing is, we would have loved doing those things because we didn’t have the option of sitting at home in an iPad!

If they are not sporty - and I identify strongly with this! - maybe the alternatives to screens that you are offering fit in with what you did and enjoyed as a child, but not with what they enjoy. Going off swimming would have appealed to you but might not seem such a draw to them.......

Are there any other things that interest them? Cinema?

Take control of their iPads and limit the screen time. Put parental controls on. Do it now before they become teenagers! Outside of screen time, even if you’re at home they have to amuse themselves in other ways. Are they creative?

I’m in a similar position OP. I don’t know what to do either. Force them to socialise? Then they fight. Constantly.
If I take the tablets away they fight over the tv.
If I ban that they irritate the fuck out of each other and me 😭 If I force days out they moan the entire time and I end up seething with anger at the cost and waste of effort and sheer ungratefulness.

After half term I am going to cut their screen time right back but I’m even now struggling to think how to do it given their homework is on a device. I’m assuming the people who say an hour a day don’t include that time? How do you check they were actually doing homework and not gaming? And do they include the tv in screen time? Honestly I don’t know what I’m doing!!!

I dont disagree with your thoughts on the pads I get that, but I dont get parents who take the idea of 'i spent this much on you so you should be grateful just because I decided to do it'

Get rid of them. The iPads, not the kids.

Parent your children. I have an 11 year old. We have a daily limit on her tablet. Her dad took her swimming yesterday and she was delighted.

Grateful because £21 is a lot of money to spend on kids who moan the whole time. Especially when you know there are many families who can’t afford that and their children don’t get to swim this half term. I think kids should show gratitude, especially when the weeks itinerary has been left to the OP to organise. I’m sure there are things she’d rather be doing.

Letting them lay around on screens all week is the lazy answer.