Why do I even bother.. kids!

[SouthMumof2]

Fed up dragging the kids off their iPads .. it’s like they are glued to them and I honestly think would sit on them from the minute they got up til they went to sleep. All half term been getting moans and groans from then (10,12) when taking them to some decent activities that I would be over the moon with as a child. Today’s final straw was I’d booked swimming, mainly to get them exercise as well.. heard 12 year old say to her online friend‘I’ve got to go my mum is making me get off’ so ungrateful (£21) for 3 of us to swim and it’s got flumes ect so not just a pool. Both have come home and gone straight back on iPads. I wonder why I even bother now. Any other parents experiencing the same thing?

I'm not sanctimonious about it, I did the same with DS1, I am much more conservative about DS2/3's device use, but it's so easy to slip back into old habits which is why it helps to have much tighter rules in the first place.

IME the nightmare bit where they demand and whine and want entertaining is short lived if you can push through it, it becomes the norm and they get more used to entertaining themselves.

It's nuts that homework etc is on devices. I'd be tempted to do one of the controls that locks the device down apart from that one app but it's tricky. I feel lucky that's not really a thing where we live (slightly technophobic country).

I took my children (13 and 12) devices away completely two weeks ago, the first week was hard for them and us the parent, week 2 now and we can see good changes, they talk to each other more, play together and gone back to reading books to fill some of their time. It was hard initially but it needed to be done as they were getting really addicted to their device.

Why do they even have ipads? They are too young. Take them away completely. Or set strict rules eg 1 hour per day. Put a timer on.

And exactly why I won't be giving my kids an iPad... They are 7 and 4 and almost all their friends have one. Absolutely no chance.

I'd take them off of them for good

ehy are you not massively limiting their screen time? If they know they only get it for a certain hour a day they will find other things to do with their time. If it’s unlimited it’s all they’ll want to do.

Sometimes you have to make decisions that will be unpopular with your children, but are necessary for their own wellbeing. Restricting screen time is one of them.

I don’t have a 12 year old but I have an almost 10 year old and I’m confused why you’d let them have unlimited screens? DS only has his iPad on the weekend usually (at the moment he’s on a ban for persistent attitude) and it’s an hour’s cap each weekend day. Both DC watch TV after school, too much for my liking but never more than 1.5 hours 1-2 days a week as they also do sports clubs.

I mean, I’m far from perfect and sometimes can’t be arsed as much as the best of us but my son is 14 and has never had an iPad or tablet! I’m not sanctimonious about it though! He’s just never asked for one!

Perhaps before the next holidays you could set your children a task. Give them a budget e.g. £50 each and they each have to plan three days of activities, considering transport and meals as well as the cost of the activity itself for all of you. Of course, some days they might choose to stay at home and play board games etc. but screen time is not allowed. Advantages:

• they can use their iPads to research/plan
• they get control over how they spend their days, so hopefully less moaning about the lack of screen time
• they will start to develop an appreciation of how much things cost
• takes the pressure off you trying to come up with activities!

My son is 13 and has always been the type to be stuck to a screen if he has the option. I have very short limits on his phone, iPad and switch. Total time for the three together is 1.5 hours and the the whole lot goes off at 9pm. It's all automatic using the app family link. Takes ten minutes to set up. If he needs more for something he has to ask me.
The minute the screen time is up I see him go play the piano... That says it all really. You need to take away the option automatically. No words, just a black screen.

Also just to add, my daughter is 9 and has free access to everything and watches a bit of TV, sends a couple of texts on an old phone to her auntie, and thats it. Some parents are just lucky to have kids that aren't bothered. But it is controllable.

Oops posted in error

Simply say no and restrict the use. The moaning won't last too long before they know the new plan. Unfortunately it is you that has let it get to this place, so only you that can change it. I have a 12 and 9 year old, I get it but it's just not good for them to be so many hours a day sat staring at a screen. Start by actually getting them to ask whether they can go on electronics rather than themmjuat assuming they can.

We only have ipad/tablets for transport situations (planes/trains) or on holidays when there's no tv and they dont have phones. I think they're so addictive I'm holding off as long as possible, the impact on brain chemistry is well documented. If they want to see/talk to friends they can see them. Having said that, my kids are super tired this half term, we've done chill things like baking, a bit of craft, cuddling up with films, they've only seen friends for 1 day and we've done a lot of lazing in their pjs (although have kept up with hobbies). I suspect your kids are exhausted plus they've got access to the pads. Maybe for Christmas holidays have some technology free days and ask them what they want to do with them? It doesnt have to be sporty, the other thing we have a is a box of activities and anyone who says they're bored pulls out a thing. Yes they will argue a bit more - a bit of arguing and conflict is good for siblings, they're learning conflict resolution, it is a bit annoying but at least they're present and not disappearing into a virtual hole...

Mine are a bit younger than yours so it’s a bit easier but I hide the iPads when I don’t want them on them! I have daily limits too although these are increased over half term.
If they’re moaning about not being allowed the iPad, I encourage some tv time. I think kids do need to chill out during half term too. I’d much rather them sit and watch a movie with snacks than be glued to a little screen. After a few grumbles they’re usually happy with this option.

Mine aren't too bad on the ipads but the TV is much harder to control

Google family link is amazing, can lock tablets, use time restrictions and time limits. Has security features too.

Just put them away. Hand out books, games and crafts.
Who is the parent?

So as a teacher you recommend no rules around Ipads in halfterm? Just chill out with a screen and not OP taking the children to the pools for a swim and exercise?

Sorry to be harsh but as a few people said here you need to step up and parent your kids. Kids struggle to self regulate at this age and iPads are addictive by design. My kids do have them so I’m not being sanctimonious but there are limits. This morning I need to pack stuff for day out so they have 30 mins. Then when we get back I’ll make dinner and they can have some time then. Once we’re doing something either out or just playing board game etc / playing in garden they stop moaning. If they were rude about activities I’d paid for I’d ban iPad completely and say entertain yourself in the house - but then I’m mean! We survived without them.

Edit - ban iPads not paid iPads..

Im despairing of the teacher on here who said because they’ve had a busy half term, it’s fine for them to relax on screens!
The point is, it’s encouraging them to enjoy doing other things. I struggle with my children’s screentime so have to give a warning before it goes off. If they are difficult then they won’t be getting them back later. It’s more effort for me, and I think this is probably part of the problem for a lot of us that limiting screen time is more effort for us and makes our life harder.
My children are 9 and 11 and will draw, read (only one will), crafts, organise their rooms, practise hobbies etc.
It’s hard but I think it’s really important to do this. I know some posters said if the children are out at clubs or trips out then they can have unlimited screen time when back but thats just telling them unless they are occupied out of the house then its ok just to be on the screen constantly.

Screen time earned by doing chores ......

I agree. It’s not allowing their brains the freedom to be a bit bored and come up with something themselves. This is so important

They’re probably exhausted from a tough half term at school. Demands in school these days are far more than when we were at school.

iPads are also great learning tools so don’t assume they’re doing nothing whilst on them, especially when they’re calling friends.

I’ll probably get slated but I’ve never imposed limits on screen time and my daughter self regulates on it. Some days (bad weather) she’ll use it more than others but we have days where it’s just lying dead and she’s not bothered. She always puts it down to go do something she’s interested in.

I say let them chill out. It’s 2025 and how lots of unwind. I love colouring, punch needle etc but if I’m tired I just CBA to do it and will play on my phone instead.