Why do I even bother.. kids!

[SouthMumof2]

Fed up dragging the kids off their iPads .. it’s like they are glued to them and I honestly think would sit on them from the minute they got up til they went to sleep. All half term been getting moans and groans from then (10,12) when taking them to some decent activities that I would be over the moon with as a child. Today’s final straw was I’d booked swimming, mainly to get them exercise as well.. heard 12 year old say to her online friend‘I’ve got to go my mum is making me get off’ so ungrateful (£21) for 3 of us to swim and it’s got flumes ect so not just a pool. Both have come home and gone straight back on iPads. I wonder why I even bother now. Any other parents experiencing the same thing?

I strongly disagree. My daughter has free access to her iPad and she spends a lot of time doing other things. She very rarely says she’s bored because she’s got her favourite toys out all the time, a garden, pets, a scooter. She ALWAYS finds a way to entertain herself, even if it’s making some disgusting concoction in the kitchen.

My dc are super happy to do swimming, cinema, bowling, walks, sport, seeing friends because they don't even have iPads. Phones, telly yes. They use them for limited periods

Be the parent.

Yeah, I was a bit surprised that a teacher would equate ‘chilling out’ with ‘spending all day on screens’. There are many ways for a child to relax. We managed to relax as children when constant screen time wasn’t an option. Crafts, baking, reading, Lego etc are all relaxing activities.
ETA in fact I’d even say that constant screen time is far less likely to leave them refreshed and relaxed than plenty of other low demand activities. Screens are stimulating to the brain, not relaxing.

All children are different. Some can self regulate with screens (two of mine can, the third (autistic) can’t), others can’t. The OP’s children appear to fall into the latter category. Thats when controls are needed.

I think maybe you’re being a bit naive thinking a 12 year old would want to go swimming with her mum, OP. Sounds a bit of a young activity to be “fun” for an almost teenager.

Again, depends on the kid. My 12 year old loves me taking her swimming!

My dd was like this until I enforced bans. She accepted it pretty quickly, it went surprisingly well.

These few golden kids...

iPads and all the games and apps are incredibly addictive. Take them away. My 9 year old doesn't have an iPad and he never will. He loves days out and is always asking us what we are doing today.
It wouldn't be the same if he had an iPad. I don't give a shit if someone calls me sanctimonious. Its been a conscious decision to never give my kids iPads and I'm really happy with how it's worked out. They are healthy active kids with tons of interests outside a bloody iPad.
I feel for you OP but honestly you have to be strong with it, it's not good for them. Read The Anxious Generation.

Chuck them out. The Ipads that is, not the kids 😅.

If they have an hour for example and don't do their homework then the natural consequence is that they get detention surely? By that age they'll know how long an hour is.

My dc are a bit younger than yours so don’t communicate with friends via any type of app/social media they just used their iPads for kids games etc but at the start of the summer I went cold turkey with them. To be honest they didn’t use them much anyway, 3 times a week at most but when they were using them I noticed their behaviour was appalling. They’re normally brilliant kids and really well behaved so I know it was the screens.

anyway, cold turkey was the best thing I’ve ever done. They used them once since to watch a movie on a car journey back from France.
if they have screen time it’s the main tv for a family movie or maybe a show they choose while I cook but they don’t get glued to it.
cold turkey op!

@Kazzybingbongbut lots of children (and adults!) can’t do this. There will be children who have literally been on screens all day this hair term. It’s easier for parents to not restrict access, as someone else has said, sometimes they can’t be bothered and are on their phone all day and so is their child but it’s too easy to do that. I’ve heard a number of parents with children the same age say ‘well they’re 9/10/11 now, all they want to do is go on screens’ and those children aren’t developing any other interests or know what to do if bored.

I wonder if it's an age thing. I wasn't a sporty child and honestly the idea of being dragged to go family swimming at 12 would have been my idea of hell.

I didn't have ipads growing up and my children are too young for them, but I sometimes think there's so much pressure that holidays need to be filled with constant activities that there is no time for downtime. Honestly I don't think we ever did anything in the holidays, I probably spent a lot of time in front of the TV or out with friends and it would have been what I needed. I don't think one day with the ipads chilling out is going to do them any harm.

Just parent your bloody kids what’s wrong with you

@SouthMumof2 I think we would have been over the moon as we were used to less exciting stuff - half terms were out on your bike with maybe the occasional swimming trip thrown in. Kids have so much stuff now and do so much - their boredom threshold is way lower. The iPads and phones are a constant though and it doesn’t help when they use iPads in school most of the day. I am someone who needs to be out and about but as my kids have got older I’ve had to accept that actually they sometimes just want to stay in. I think it’s a case of managing expectations all round.

It’s the fear of missing out and miniature dopamine hits they get all day. They get withdrawal from this the minute you take them away. We see it in schools, highly withdrawn children, not reading, no perseverance for challenges and activities which used to be memory makers, are now dull.

Find an app, limit their screen time to an hour a day where if is blocked say before 8am and after 6pm and get them off chats. That’s where the worst part of the internet lies. Tell them their behaviours are showing you cannot trust them online and you’re noticing their addiction. Tell them these behaviours are showing you they’re not ready for a phone. Arguments about it show their immaturity and how they’ll behave when a phone device is in their hand.
Be the adult. Take command and tell them they have to earn your trust back to re-enable the chats. Peer pressure is hell but 74% of teenagers wish their parents never gave them smart devices

Thanks, glad to know I am not alone in this.. I think I just wanted some moral support

Thanks it’s nice to know not alone in this. It would be nice if they just showed an interest in something other that the iPad.

We did look at films but was nothing they fancied, either too babyish or too old for them. They are at that awkward age.

It’s not unlimited, I do police their use. The frustration is that they dont want to do much else.

That’s been explained to you though. It’s because screens are addictive. Maybe if you’d had an iPad at that age you wouldn’t have wanted to do much else either. You don’t know. I’m glad I didn’t grow up with all this addictive tech.

You need to break the cycle! Digital detox and go through the pain barrier and push past it.

It will take time and effort to change their habits. It can be done.

You’re the parent in this situation so just take away the iPad? 😬

The issue with 'limits' is that they are still thinking about the iPads even if not using them.
Limits can work for some children, my cousin's son is happy to turn off and forget about it, but in my experience limits don't work for most children in terms of not being detrimental to their enjoyment of life outside of it.
Phones and games are addictive, they stimulate the brain in a way that no walk in the woods or playground can. Once a child is used to that level of brain stimulation, everything else feels boring. They start to crave that stimulation when they are out and about, so trips out can feel like pulling them away from what their brain is desperate for, like a smoker who is stuck in a house where they can't smoke.
As soon as you cut it off, their brains reset, they start to feel stimulated by normal every day things, a trip out is more interesting, a book more enjoyable etc etc.
Honestly OP if it's become a huge issue you need to go cold turkey and give your kids back their enjoyment in every day life.