Should I report friend to social services?

[ByPearlPeer]

This is such a horrible thing to even write but I was neglected/abused as a child and I am obviously very sensitive to it.

I have my own children, in a single parent. age ranges 19-8 just for reference I know how hard parenting can be.

My friend has a 13 year old and a 8 year old. The 8 year old is non verbal and has global delays.

so my friend she has been suffering from depression she says, for a few months now. Although she goes out weekends when she’s kid free drinking, dating etc. What I am concern about is the state of her home, I went round last week and it’s filthy, there’s no carpets, no furniture. I was literally standing in the kitchen the whole time, her children stay in their bedrooms. The oldest doesn’t attend school as she says she’s home schooling although says she’s too depressed to do any teaching right now.

the 8 year old has a bedtime of 6pm, she doesn’t take him out on holidays he is just assigned to his room with an iPad.

now I have offered support, encouragement. I have offered to help tidy, offered to take her daughter out, her son out. She declines I’ve told her straight that this is probably effecting her children long term which she shrugs off as being depressed and I don’t understand.

I just don’t know what to do.

Sadly, yes. She won’t thank you for it though

I would report her. She cant be that bad if shes going out drinking & dating etc when shes kid free. Using it as an excuse.

Dont think of it as reporting as that sounds like an act of unkindness but you are trying to help the children and your friend. You could contact the school and speak confidentially to someone. And speak to social services. You are trying to help and thats good.

What on earth do you think social Services will do? That will make that woman feel better and support her daughter? I’m just interested as to what people think are available in terms of resources.

My immediate thought was a drug problem rather than depression. I saw my sister spiral on drugs and sold everything except the cooker and beds. Social services supported her into rehab and helped us get her back on her feet.

it’s not acceptable to leave children in these situations. Op I’d give it her straight. If nothing improves then report.

She literally has no furniture? Do you know why?
I'm not sure if what you describe meets the threshold for neglect in the eyes of SS. But I guess there's only one way to find out.

Be prepared for her to never speak to you again.

Interested to know what you think op should do then if you feel social services cant do anything? Just leave the children neglected? Because thats what she is doing op. She is neglecting these children but happy enough to go drinking and dating. Not acceptable.

Who has the children when she is out at the weekend drinking and partying op ?
That’s the person that you need to alert to this situation and kick their arse
Even if social services knock the door and tell her depressed person you are depressed. You are affecting your children. This will happen. That will happen. The reality of it is actually it won’t.
This requires actual proper physical intervention and the people best place to do that our friends and family in my opinion.

Report. The children come first. If it means removing them so be it.
If she gets some support all good.
You cannot walk on by when you know the living conditions.

What so op shouldnt report? And leave those kids in a dirty ridden house with nothing but their beds? Shes not even home educating one of the children. Its neglect.

Is she selling things to fund a drug problem? The children should be in school, this will provide some kind of relief for them. This sounds heart breaking OP. I disagree that she can't be depressed. She may be able to compartmentalise things. You say she goes out at weekends. Who looks after the children? Can you speak to them about the situation? Good luck OP.

She is struggling in some way, and needs support, as do her children. If she won't accept it from you, she will have to have it from SS.

• Signpost places to get furniture
• See if it’s possible to offer respite or other support for the youngest
• Give the parent the kick up the bum she might need to get her act together for her children. Put in place aims (clean home etc) if severe enough.
• Support OP into going to GP for depression

God that poor 8 year old 💔 so sad. Yes they all need help.

The children are clearly being neglected, which is a form of abuse. The OP has offered support in various ways. What should she do if not contact social services?

Yes report. You know deep down you can’t let them carry on like that.

Also re who do they also spend time with on non child days, is it their father, what is he doing to step up to protect, teach and care for the children.

Definitely worth reporting. The children are being harmed emotionally and mentally. Does not sound like a “normal” upbringing.
Children need nurturing and support in a home that is safe and secure.
It doesn’t sound as though that is happening. And as much as she might be a friend, do you feel she really meeting the needs of her children if she is still going out of a weekend when her home doesn’t have flooring or furniture nor are the children attending school?

So why can’t the OP or the other parent do all of that? Why do we need stating intervention at taxpayers expense?
I’m not saying that we don’t but that definitely shouldn’t be the starting point.
There’s definitely a lot of steps to be taken first that will actually be quicker and more effective

*state

Reporting isn’t a bad thing.
its a way of supporting her and ensuring her children are well looked after.

Yes you need to report this

God forbid the taxpayers money is spent protecting children who are being neglected!!!

put them on a child in need or child protection plan. get the older child into education. get the children mentors and identify clubs or activities for them to do. put her in touch with charity that can help her tidy up. get mum into therapy or treatment for depression.

yes, and the reason a social worker is well placed to do that over op, is that op has tried and her help hasnt been taken up,, everyone knows that social workers have the power to apply to court to remove children, so they should be incentivised to work with them rather than risk the consequences of their disapproval. they have also been trained in ways to encourage families to make small changes, which the average friend hasn't been.