Should I report friend to social services?

[ByPearlPeer]

This is such a horrible thing to even write but I was neglected/abused as a child and I am obviously very sensitive to it.

I have my own children, in a single parent. age ranges 19-8 just for reference I know how hard parenting can be.

My friend has a 13 year old and a 8 year old. The 8 year old is non verbal and has global delays.

so my friend she has been suffering from depression she says, for a few months now. Although she goes out weekends when she’s kid free drinking, dating etc. What I am concern about is the state of her home, I went round last week and it’s filthy, there’s no carpets, no furniture. I was literally standing in the kitchen the whole time, her children stay in their bedrooms. The oldest doesn’t attend school as she says she’s home schooling although says she’s too depressed to do any teaching right now.

the 8 year old has a bedtime of 6pm, she doesn’t take him out on holidays he is just assigned to his room with an iPad.

now I have offered support, encouragement. I have offered to help tidy, offered to take her daughter out, her son out. She declines I’ve told her straight that this is probably effecting her children long term which she shrugs off as being depressed and I don’t understand.

I just don’t know what to do.

Because if the state don't intervene at this stage, the longer term consequences would end up being far costlier to the taxpayer.

When she’s child free where are the children? If their dad involved? Isn’t he very worried about the state of her house and lack of care and education for the kids?

Definitely report but if you know the dad you could talk to him.

You're helping those who don't have a voice OP. You absolutely need to get those bairns checked up on by people who have some powers to help them.

Because it is unlikely they will take it on board. If she is depressed, motivation and ability to listen and act can be a problem. There may be other problems too. Is the other parent concerned? It sounds as if they are not interacting with others who may normally be expected to recognise a child safeguarding issue(schools, hcp, kids clubs etc) in which case ss may be the best hope for intervention and advice. Do the dc have beds, toys, books, appropriate clothing, enough food etc? Are they well and active, sociable?

Yes you should report.

Sounds like neglect. Poor kids.

Definitely report, look for your local MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub) phone number and give them a call. Neglect is a form of abuse, think of baby P, Victoria Climbie, Daniel Pelka etc, imagine the guilt you would feel if you didn't report your concerns and then these children ended up like these poor souls.

Definitely report. Social services have a stigma attached that they will take away the kids, but they actually will help and not necessarily take them away. 6pm bedtime ?! He’s literally being held prisoner in his room and the other child def isn’t being homeschooled. Definitely neglect. Thats what social services are there for- to help with things like this.

Yes I think you should report it. She can't be too depressed to do what she should for her kids but not so depressed she can go out partying and dating. She won't like it but her kids can't stay living like that.

I agree it’s best to report. Not a nice situation to be in, but better position than the kids stuck like this. If you do know the children’s dad, a conversation with him is worthwhile too.

Personally id start with whoever is having the children on weekends?

Ignore the poster suggesting contacting social services is a waste of taxpayers money. Of course you report it. I have safeguarding training for my job and this is absolutely a situation where you need to alert authorities. The NSPCC are also very helpful if you need to speak to somebody. If you know the other parent, I’d speak to him too if that’s something you feel comfortable with. Thank goodness for you OP, those children will hopefully have a chance going forward.

I forgot to mention your local MASH team. Do get in touch with them.

Absolutely report her. Best case scenario is that she gets support and resources to look after the children, it sounds like she needs it. It is unacceptable to say you are homeschooling a child and not be.

Please please report OP. I come from a background where abuse was not reported & I am in no doubt that silence is betrayal of children.

I think though that you also need to send up flags more widely - that you need to do more than inform social services. This means telling the school of your concerns & the state of affairs (I think one child is in school). Your friend’s own family if she has one. The kid’s dad (or whoever else has them at the weekend). His family if they are in contact. If she goes to church, church leaders. Etc. I would also go so far as to report to police if you become aware at any weekend that children are left alone for a protracted period.

None of this happened for me & it should have done. Neglect and abuse happen behind closed doors and those doors need to be blown WIDE open.

Yes you should those poor children are suffering due to her neglect.

Please report this OP. The welfare of children always needs to come first.

SS will be able to help her if she is struggling. You are actually helping everyone by reporting the situation.

Yes I always think when it comes to child protection, you should first think about the effect on the tax payer. What a thoroughly civilised approach to the care of the most vulnerable in society.

Please report it. Those poor children deserve better.

I have no issue my taxes being spent on this. Depression is no excuse for neglect like this.

Yes . She doesn’t have to go ahead with an assessment though - she can refuse
I can override it, but often they don’t, which is stupid
offer her help and support won’t take the kids away so you’ll probably be doing her a favour

I can see what @kittywittyandpretty is saying 💯.

i would guess that the more effective action would be to speak with the other parent. I think that the easy, hands off solution is to call SS. I think it’s highly likely they will not involve themselves in this situation described.

its always makes me wry smile when people say they have safeguarding training as though it imparts some specific knowledge. Who in this day and age doesn’t have safeguarding training in their role?

So you don't believe in child protection being provided out of taxpayers' money. What do you think taxpayers money should be spent on?

I read that to mean it’s not the first port of call when you have potentially more effective options available, and it’s not likely that child protection will be provided out of this call - it’s easy to just say those things but they probably don’t reflect what will actually happen.

Social worker here. This is a child protection referral - please make it.