My mother-in-law criticized my 6 year old daughter's behavior while sick and my husband sided with his mom

[SarahBuysChalk]

My mother-in-law visited while my 6 year old daughter and I have a cold. My mother-in-law is very critical but my husband always takes my side. My husband hasn't been sick since I met him. He has joked that his family don't get colds nor flus.

In the last day of her visit, my MIL confronted me. She said it's gross how my daughter acts when she's sick and that she clearly learned it from me. She gave a few examples. She said it's gross how my daughter and I often sneeze in cupped hands. How it's also gross than my daughter and I would sniffle instead of blowing our noses. And on and on.

My husband was there and it was out-of-character for him to let his mom go on like that on me. After his mom left, I asked him if he agreed with her. I was still sick mind you. He said my habits when I'm sick are kind of gross and that our daughter picked up my habits.

I want all hands on deck for opinions. This is the one time my husband sided with his mom against me so I am taking that criticism very seriously.

Sneezing into your hands is really grim. It's not just the germs but bits of spit and snot to transfer onto everything you touch - tv remote, kettle handle, fridge door etc. If you're caught by surprise, use the crook of your arm. And definitely teach your daughter - she'll be mortified if someone else has to tell her.

Mega rude of her.

I was brought up to just sneeze all over the place without using hands or anything. It was only when I met my partners family that I realised that wasn’t normal and I now sneeze into my elbow instead, but is it really the end of the world that you sneeze into your hand and you sniffle?!

Really rude of her to say and horrible that, unfortunately, your Husband agreed with her. Although perhaps a chance to take it all on board.

Shit though and I would be fuming with MIL. Would it have killed her to keep her opinions to herself

Agree with this. You have seconds notice of a sneeze. Government advice during covid was to cough or sneeze in the crook of your arm.

I can’t get past you sneezing into your hands then not washing them, sorry! If someone I was staying with did that, I would find it really grim. I even wash my hands after I’ve been using a tissue to wipe my nose, but maybe that’s a step too far!

I think a bit of sniffing when you have a cold is inevitable, even if you are blowing your nose quite frequently. I would expect someone who has a cold to have tissues nearby and that they would go and wash their hands if they sneezed into them, but I think that your mil has a fucking cheek to criticise you in your own home, especially when you are unwell. You asked your dh outright what he thought and he was honest, so i can't fault him for that.

As a sniffer I've found nasal spray really helpful. My OH who is a nose blower finds that doesn't help him at all, I think we're just plumbed completely differently.

Sorry OP - you sound gross.

Your husband sided with his mum because you are gross. He's just going by the facts, however he could have saved your blushes and defended you.

And later on, told you how gross you actually are.

Get a fucking tissue box.

If you actively have a cold, you know you're going to sneeze. Have tissues on hand.

Your MIL is completely right.

Your hygiene is substandard and you are teaching your child the same.

You should always wash your hands immediately after sneezing into them.

Sneezing without a tissue should be extremely rare.

If you are sick, you should have tissues with you at all times.

Sniffling is very rude. Why on earth would you not blow your nose?

It's disgusting and I'm not surprised MIL finally had to say something.

As a child (way back in the dark ages of the 1970s) it was drilled into us both at home and at school to cover our faces with our hands if coughing or sneezing. Runny noses were wiped with tissues. Nobody ever seemed to notice sniffling, or maybe that was because my parents were both very heavy smokers, which I think caused it anyway so it was normal to us.

We survived. I still do sneeze into my hands now. Hands are washed at regular intervals throughout the day anyway.

You are normal, OP. Your MIL was very rude and I would have told her to shut up.

I do what I want in my own home. If people don’t like it, they’re free to not visit

Her husband lives there though, it’s his home too. Plus some stuff is just grim.

Sorry but that is grim. It’s not you just touching other people that passes on germs. You touching handles, taps etc are all transmitters of germs.
At the very very least sneeze into the crook of elbow, but preferably into a tissue, bin it and wash hands.

Sorry but it's not normal. The coughing or sneezing into your hands to avoid doing it into someone's face is fair enough, but you should be washing your hands immediately (unless you live alone).
We know so much more about the transmission of germs these days, unless you lived under a rock for the last 5 years, so there's no excuse.

I quite honestly couldn't give a shit what you say. I wash hands regularly and always have. Probably around 15+ times a day, and much more than most. I'm aware of germ transmission and I am perfectly happy with my personal hygiene thank you very much.

It is a bit too far because people with hayfever would have to wash their hands every 30/60 seconds!
😁

aware of germ transmission

and yet not aware that you are passing on germs after sneezing into your hands?
Hope family and colleagues don't touch your hands?

You're welcome 😁

If he almost always sides with you and this one time he hasn’t it leans towards the fact he’s probably right.

If this was just another situation in a long line of events where he sided with his mum I’d be questioning it more, but that obviously isn’t the case.

If you need to sit snivelling and sniffing you need a tissue. This is basic stuff that kids should know and if you’re that ill, you shouldn’t be sneezing into your hands and doing nothing about it. You should have tissues on hand and be washing your hands more than usual.

It sounds like your husbands right.

I think I’d recommend an anti-histamine, if that were the case! 🤧
I suppose if I think about it, it’s usually if I’m in the kitchen and about to prepare food etc. that I’d wash hands after using a tissue!

Sniffing is just disgusting
As for the hand thing - the fact you need telling is alarming.

Thank you. 😃

If you have a cold, why don't you have tissues or a napkin at hand to sneeze/blow nose into? Surely that is not too hard. More importantly it's clear that your daughter is modelling your behaviours. At her age, it is extremely important to set the right standards for hygiene because that is how she will behave outside the house and in front of others. Why not do better yourself?