Would you say this was inappropriate?

[Jack2025]

My 10 year old son is raising money for his school with one of his besties - my son and I have not spoken in depth about fund raising ideas as the school only announced this a few days ago… this morning my son was on the phone and when I asked who he was speaking to, he said it was his besties mum! She had called my sons mobile to speak to him direct from her sons phone about the fund raising - his bestie called my son to say that his mum wanted to speak to him; I asked him to hurry up and end the call. About 30 mins later the mum text me about the fundraising.
My husband thinks that this was inappropriate as he said he would never call to speak to another child without going through their parent first.
A bit of background: both boys used to go to nursery together and now school so we know the family but not in a close friendship way so unsure if the mum felt it was ok to speak to my son direct.
This doesn’t sit comfortably with me either but I’m not sure if I’m over thinking things… any thoughts? Thank you.

Why would it be inappropriate to speak directly to a child? Presumably the boys are doing this together and she's happy to support their efforts.

How well does your child know her? What makes you feel uncomfortable about it?

Why does your ten year old have unsupervised access to a mobile phone

If she saw him in the local park or sweetshop would you think it inappropriate of her to speak to him about it?

My son has a phone as he walks to school by himself - its a basic brick phone as per school
policy.
What makes me feel uncomfortable is a mum has chosen to speak to my son without speaking to me - she could’ve messaged / called me to discuss this with me first! Not something I would ever do!

Good point - but no, if in a park or sweet shop then I would’ve probably been with my son.. but it’s the fact that the mum asked to speak to my son on the phone through her dons phone… plus he didn’t end up speaking to his friend, just the mum.

Ok then, when he's walking to school by himself?

I’m with you. I would find this weird. Probably nothing nefarious but I might make a point to text about her about the fundraising and ask your son to hand the phone to you if it happens again.

Why inappropriate?
What could she have possibly said about a joint endeavour that was inappropriate?
Has your son reported back to you on the content of the conversation?

They live in opposite directions! Its the fact the mum called to speak to my son direct on his mobile… I know I’m over thinking it but as I have said, it’s not something I would ever do myself…

The fact that she called my son directly!… my son said he was surprised (but not uncomfortable) but said he thought he would be speaking to his friend.

Not necessarily inappropriate but I would never ever call my child's friend on their phone.

I think most adults know it's a no no

They live in opposite directions! 🙄🤦‍♀️

I think you're somewhat avoiding my point on purpose so I'll leave you to it.

What does it have to do with you, really?

The two kids are working on it together, his mum may just have wanted to clarify things with the other child. Given you’ve already said here you haven’t even spoke to your own kid about it yet it’s fair to say you’d have nothing to contribute to that discussion at this point anyway.

He's 10 not 2. They're fundraising together, obviously both parents are going to have some input helping them. Either you trust her with your kid or you don't.

Its his friends mum, unlikely to be a child snatcher. I think you're overthinking massively

What a bizarre thing to say!! It has everything to do with me as it’s my son, not a random child!

He clearly has the mobile for more than just walking too and from school.

I think you are being inconsistent.
He walks alone, but can't speak to friends mum on phone
Phone is for walking to school, yet is clearly on and accessible at other times, and friend has his number.

She probably wanted to clarify things from the horse's mouth. You are being ridiculous. She discussed the fundraising, nothing else! Get a grip.

Thank you.

Some odd replies.

I get where you’re coming from. It’s such an odd thing to do.

I’d say it’s not the done thing. More a matter of manners than appropriateness.

Not being inconsistent at all… his school friends can call him, not a friends mum!

You said his school friend called him, then passed the phone to his mum. That seems fine to me.

Cool mumsnetters out in force again. Of course it's fucking weird OP. I am shocked by the number of replies saying it's fine.

Maybe just message the mum to say she should go through you in future and not speak to your son on the phone. This would have been weird as fuck when I was young and it's still weird now.