Hating BF second child

[NEladybird1269]

Hello - I EbF dc1 for a year. Assumed I’d do the same for second dc. But actively hating bf this time. Hate latching. Hate it all. The pain. The constant of it. Missing out on dc1. But feel guilty if I stopped. We are only two weeks in 🙈 has anyone else had this with second dc?! I really had no problems with dc1 and Bf

Ask the HV to check babies mouth. Do the have a tongue tie? I'd their an issue impacting latching? You might need a lactation specialist. Its important to remember that DC is new to feeding and they are learning what to do and how.

If your hating it there's no ahame in switching to formula. Fed is best. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. I know mum guiltbis real but you'll just feel guilty about the amount of time it takes instead.

Just stop. You are in charge. Don’t be miserable about it, bottle feed and enjoy the cuddles whilst you feed them

Do you feel like you want to stop or like you want some support to be able to keep going?

It really shouldn’t hurt. Definitely get them assessed for tongue tie by someone properly qualified, your hospital should have an infant feeding team. It is different second time round when you can’t just focus on baby because you have another child, but once you get past the earlier bit it’s much easier to just stick a boob in their mouth than faff around with bottles.

Are you maybe feeling a bit guilty that you can't give so much time to your first child?
That's very understandable, if so.

Yes - I miss my dc1

How old is your first child?

I was bottle fed 60 plus years ago and (knock on wood) have enjoyed a happy and healthy life.

Then stop

I only have 1 child, managed bf for 3 weeks and couldn't continue, I was just totally exhausted, he was 6 weeks early. He's now age 23 and 6'5 so formula didn't do him any harm! I really would take the pressure off yourself so that you get to enjoy both children x

I bf all 4 of mine (one until aged 4!) but I enjoyed it and wanted to do it.
If it’s really upsetting you, then don’t x

There’s no way you can give these kids equal babyhoods. You have less mum time to offer baby 2, but baby 2 gets a big sibling to learn from and play with which is so lucky for them!

I bf’d the first for 3 years. The second for three months. They are equally healthy for all intents and purposes. My “bond” whatever that means, is excellent with both of them. Happy mum is the best outcome indicator, not feeding method.

@NEladybird1269 then stop. You don't have to do it. I BF DS1 for 6 weeks and DS2 for 4 weeks. They were the most difficult weeks of my life.

BF payed havoc with my mental health and I just couldn't go on. They are now 16 and 20 and totally fine!

Just stop. Be proud of the two weeks you have done, and be kind to yourself.

I found BF much easier second time around and she was always a quick feeder so I didn’t feel like I was missing time with my eldest. But I have a few friends who EBF their first and FF their second and err happy with their choice. It’s your decision and a year is a long time to put yourself through something you hate.

She’s 2.5. She’s been so understanding but I am finding it hard and don’t want it to be like this long term. DH is great but he can’t and shouldn’t have to do everything for dc1 just because I am BF dc2. Dc2 always needs a feed when dc1 needs me, ie our usual nighttime routine, I usually do nursery pick ups. Etc.

That’s true. I didn’t think of it like that for second child being lucky to have dc1 to learn from.

I feel like I want to stop. As the support wouldn’t exist as the main reason is the being unable to spend time with DC1 if a Bf crops up.

You must decide whatever feels best for you.
I'm wondering if you'll feel guilty if you give up, though.
You'll still have to give the baby their bottles even if you stop breastfeeding.

Yes I’ll definitly feel guilty if I give up. I know what I am like. Can’t win! I’m not going to make a drastic decision so will see what happens.

What pain are you having? Did you have it first time around? I found BF easier with my second, but I also introduced a BF once a day so Far had time with me first.

I was the other way, DC1 could not be BF due to colic and I expressed and fed her upright as much as possible but stopped early.
DC2 was BF for 1 year as he could be fed anywhere under a top so I could carry him about while with DC1 (he was a v easy baby).
Bottles needed sterilising and warming etc. so can be a PITA to sort out. Not that I think you must carry on, just to say the other option needs a bit of planning too.

You shouldn’t be in pain. It might be worth getting them checked for tongue tie.

It’s completely miserable if you are in pain:

it’s ok to stop I hated it as well