Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

What to do about ex-dh

14 replies

CityGrownWillow · 17/10/2025 11:48

I've posted before but things got better for a while. Long story short, ex husb used to smoke weed. He ended up taking me to court for access to our SS, court ordered drugs testing which he passed. Have smelt it on DD's clothes since after being at his before and did mention it to him to which he replied that he no longer smokes it.

I didn't believe him but just kept an eye, there's been no incidences for ages.
However, he picked her up for his weekend today, looked high as a kite and smelt like he had pockets full of weed.
I'm sat in tears having had to send DD off with him. I know it's not the worst drug, and he's so used to it that its probably ok. But it does not sit right with me that she's now going into that stinky house with someone stoned.
Any advice? I've spoken to a friend who works in social services who has said they do nothing for someone smoking weed in the house with a child unless they're dealing it so I don't feel like thats an avenue I can even explore.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 17/10/2025 15:23

CityGrownWillow · 17/10/2025 11:48

I've posted before but things got better for a while. Long story short, ex husb used to smoke weed. He ended up taking me to court for access to our SS, court ordered drugs testing which he passed. Have smelt it on DD's clothes since after being at his before and did mention it to him to which he replied that he no longer smokes it.

I didn't believe him but just kept an eye, there's been no incidences for ages.
However, he picked her up for his weekend today, looked high as a kite and smelt like he had pockets full of weed.
I'm sat in tears having had to send DD off with him. I know it's not the worst drug, and he's so used to it that its probably ok. But it does not sit right with me that she's now going into that stinky house with someone stoned.
Any advice? I've spoken to a friend who works in social services who has said they do nothing for someone smoking weed in the house with a child unless they're dealing it so I don't feel like thats an avenue I can even explore.

Did the court only order one drugs test? Normally it would be random testing at your expense. I'd go back and seek that.

CityGrownWillow · 17/10/2025 19:46

BudgetBuster · 17/10/2025 15:23

Did the court only order one drugs test? Normally it would be random testing at your expense. I'd go back and seek that.

They wanted 3 months from a hair sample but he had his hair cut so they only got one month and were happy with it, it also wasn't random and yes I did pay. This was 4 years ago

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 18/10/2025 07:44

So sorry you’re going through this OP.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:45

Did he take her in a car he was driving?

ThejoyofNC · 18/10/2025 07:53

Why did you let her leave with a man who was on drugs and visibly high? Call the police. I really hope you didn't let him drive with her in the car.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:56

BudgetBuster · 17/10/2025 15:23

Did the court only order one drugs test? Normally it would be random testing at your expense. I'd go back and seek that.

This. They asked for three months so he cut his hair. How can they possibly be happy with that? Go back to court. Dont hand her over again when he is stoned. If he gets angry call the police.

BudgetBuster · 18/10/2025 09:45

CityGrownWillow · 17/10/2025 19:46

They wanted 3 months from a hair sample but he had his hair cut so they only got one month and were happy with it, it also wasn't random and yes I did pay. This was 4 years ago

Honestly I'd go back and request frequent testing but also do not let him take her of he's visibly high... yes there is a court order but you also have to have responsibility. If he was drunk would you let him drive... its the sane thing!

CityGrownWillow · 18/10/2025 12:53

BunnyRuddington · 18/10/2025 07:44

So sorry you’re going through this OP.

Thank you, that's really kind of you ❤

OP posts:
CityGrownWillow · 18/10/2025 12:54

BudgetBuster · 18/10/2025 09:45

Honestly I'd go back and request frequent testing but also do not let him take her of he's visibly high... yes there is a court order but you also have to have responsibility. If he was drunk would you let him drive... its the sane thing!

Yes I do agree, trust me I feel awful about the whole thing. Feel like an awful mother.
I'm going to seek advice on how to move forward with this.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 18/10/2025 12:59

Yeah my child developed several sudden bouts of vomiting when my ex showed up stinking when he was driving especially the drinking was actually flagged by my son "dad smells funny and was driving laughing wobbling the car for fun mum I dont like it"

CityGrownWillow · 18/10/2025 13:05

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:56

This. They asked for three months so he cut his hair. How can they possibly be happy with that? Go back to court. Dont hand her over again when he is stoned. If he gets angry call the police.

I have no idea how they were happy with it but they were. I didn't have legal representation and he had a barrister so in my mind, none of it was fair anyway.
I'm going to talk to him and tell him that if it happens again he won't be taking her, I hope that'll be enough but I'll seek advice also. Thank you for your reply.

OP posts:
CityGrownWillow · 18/10/2025 13:06

ThejoyofNC · 18/10/2025 07:53

Why did you let her leave with a man who was on drugs and visibly high? Call the police. I really hope you didn't let him drive with her in the car.

I understand your reply but it's not making me feel worse than I already do. It will never be happening again

OP posts:
CityGrownWillow · 18/10/2025 13:07

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2025 12:59

Yeah my child developed several sudden bouts of vomiting when my ex showed up stinking when he was driving especially the drinking was actually flagged by my son "dad smells funny and was driving laughing wobbling the car for fun mum I dont like it"

Gosh thats horrible I'm so sorry that your son and you had to go through that 😞 I feel like co parenting is hard enough without these additional issues.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 18/10/2025 14:44

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2025 12:59

Yeah my child developed several sudden bouts of vomiting when my ex showed up stinking when he was driving especially the drinking was actually flagged by my son "dad smells funny and was driving laughing wobbling the car for fun mum I dont like it"

So sorry that you had to go through that but I think saying that your DC was too ill seems like a really good way of handling the situation Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread