My 14 year old daughter is intentionally gaining weight to impress boys

[TheUsernameOfMine]

I know this may not be the best place to ask because I don't know if this happens in the UK. In America, my 14 year old daughter and her best friend are intentionally gaining weight to impress boys. My daughter alleges that there are other girls at her high school who do this.

I'm obese and I have struggled with my weight since college. At 14, I'm not sure my daughter understands the risk she is taking. I don't think she understands how hard it is to lose weight. I'm also concerned she's willing to change her body to impress boys.

I'm not what to do. It's her body. It's her life. I fear that I could cause insecurities if I try to stop her. I'm feeling very confused.

Why would it impress boys?

What level of weight?

At 5 ' 9, she started at around 125 lb and she's now pushing 165 lb. She said she isn't done gaining weight.

Apparently there is a trend for thick girls.

Are these feeders she's gaining weight for?

This is a very strange thread.

Ew, I hope not.

I don't know what feeders are but with a quick Google search, ew.

Theres a trend for think girls? This is very odd. Surely she sees the problems you have being obese? If she doesn't, spell it out to her.

”Thick” girls?
So girls that are heavier than “normal” sized girls?
Its not something I’ve ever heard of in the UK, girls here normally aspire to be skinny.

The conversation is strange but is it also inappropriate for this site ?

At 5’9” 165 is still a healthy weight. 125 is very thin for that height.

Do you mean your daughter is lifting/upping her protein to gain muscle, or is she eating junk? Big difference between the two.

I want her to be informed but I don't want her to get an ED or have serious body image issues.

I think you should take this up with her school.
and also talk to her…is she being groomed?

Her crush is a 16 year old, 10th grader.

Of course I will always be on the lookout but I don't see any signs of grooming.

Yes I agree- how is she gaining the weight? Gaining muscle or gaining fat or a mixture?

She works out but it's mostly body fat.

She isn't claiming that she's trying to pack on muscle.

125 is fine for a 14 year old girl (29th %, well in the healthy range).

Otherwise I do agree with your question. It's very common for teen boys to want to 'bulk up' a bit by doing weights and all the protein thing. Girls are also starting to want to be strong and healthy by doing weights.
165 is the 92nd % and (according to NHS BMI thingy) is overweight and is a significant increase. OP doesn't say over what period but on the face of it, it doesn't seem healthy.

5ft 9 and 165 lb is not overweight it’s BMI 24.4. That’s fine. 125 lb is just over BMI 18 and is underweight.

She is a 14 year old child. The charts are not the same as for adults.

oh okay. Well I wouldn’t worry too much to be honest as she will be her full adult height at 5ft 9 and not everyone is of a skinny build. It seems odd to base being overweight on a percentile - surely it should be whether you are too heavy for your height, not whether you’re bigger than others your age.

Never heard of it. Does it seem to work?

Plenty of girls worry about their weight and appearance. In the UK and everywhere else.

Just tell her that any boy that only likes her because she's a certain size or shape and not for her personality and intellectual prowess is a tosser and not worth her time or headspace.

That it's about being strong, healthy and full of energy. Not being fat or thick or skinny.

That she was 125lb before she started to eat loads more food suggests she is of slim build.
I think OP should be more concerned about WHY she wants to gain so much weight and that she has put it on pretty quickly.
Sure 165 lb might be her healthy adult weight in a few years, but this is not the feeling I get from the OP.

I am concerned about the reason. And she stated the reason. It's to impress boys.

Can you get your GP to talk to her and explain why a sudden, large weight gain is not healthy?

Being skinny is not a trend in the uk either. I am 33 next month and I remember being your daughters age around 2007/2008 and being skinny was everything then. No one wanted to have thick thighs or a big bum. Roll on to now and being thick which in most cases is being overweight is all the trend. Everybody (not literally of course) wants the thick thighs, curvy body, big bum and boobs. I appreciate your daughter is only 14 but it’s what kids are conditioned to online there’s no getting away from it. As I’ve been told by many guys “Skinny’s out, no one wants skinny”. Maybe you could push her in the direction of a gym where she can achieve the desired look she’s after and do so in a healthy way gaining muscle. I don’t think a teenage girl obsessing over her size is uncommon or necessarily anything to worry about because most of us have been through it but she just needs to understand in her case that gaining loads of weight isn’t healthy and she may struggle to lose it and that no 2 bodies look the same, 2 women the same height and weight are going to look different regardless. If she’s an otherwise confident child with her appearance then I would just push her in the gym and working out direction.