My 14 year old daughter is intentionally gaining weight to impress boys

[TheUsernameOfMine]

I know this may not be the best place to ask because I don't know if this happens in the UK. In America, my 14 year old daughter and her best friend are intentionally gaining weight to impress boys. My daughter alleges that there are other girls at her high school who do this.

I'm obese and I have struggled with my weight since college. At 14, I'm not sure my daughter understands the risk she is taking. I don't think she understands how hard it is to lose weight. I'm also concerned she's willing to change her body to impress boys.

I'm not what to do. It's her body. It's her life. I fear that I could cause insecurities if I try to stop her. I'm feeling very confused.

Indeed. I live in the States and have never heard an American say “in America.” They refer to their country almost exclusively as “the US.” We’re the ones that call it America.

Since I live here I should also mention that the trend for girls is also overwhelmingly to be thin, and teenagers are dropping weight like crazy. “Thick” definitely isn’t in and hasn’t been for at least a year.

It is also a thing in the uk as is unfortunately kids growing up too quickly and also young girls feeling inferrier to peers. Popularity is often scaled on who the most boys find 'attractive'. I'm not saying any of this is good at all but it all interlinks of course but it's likely her way of trying to fit in more.in the 2000s we all did crazy crash diets. I would find out if there is anything else going on firstly and secondly try support her in her goal but educate her on health and nutrition.

Ninjahamster-Not good thing to say they like thick girls , where I live the word thick means unitelligent and a stupid person and is offensive, a better way of describing a young woman who as gained weight, is curvy or voluptuous.

Why? If the trend was reversed and dd was losing weight OP would no doubt be offered more support.

Anyway as someone who suffered an ED for many many years. I would discourage any unhealthy relationship with food. Food is primarily fuel and yes its great to enjoy it too. When its used as a tool to change weight somewhere along the line its been misused and thats not healthy, at either end of the spectrum

Sadly I think this is an age old problem for girls everywhere and isn’t ever going to go away.

For me it was the opposite, I had big boobs, was told I was fat ( I wasn’t) I was called jugs at school and mocked for constantly folding my arms to cover my chest. I stopped doing pe for the last 3 years of high school I was so embarrassed.

Ive done my best to teach my DDs body confidence, not care what others think and although they are definitely more confident than I ever was they still make comments about wanting to have certain traits look certain ways. It’s that old the grass is always greener analogy.

OP my biggest concern would be why she thinks she should change her body to please someone else. Wanting to look certain ways is natural but doing it for yourself is one thing, doing it for a boy is another.

Also, is there a cultural aspect here? Or some other influences? Some cultures like curves in their women and others are influenced by celebrities.

Ive not seen any trends of this nature but I have definitely seen far more bigger girls not giving a shit what others think of them and owning their bodies. As a big girl this makes me happy, but there is a difference with being big and healthy and big and unhealthy.

If she’s 165lbs at 5 foot nine, she’s not overweight she’s in the healthy range as far as UK is concerned

Not for a 14 year old girl. It's slightly overweight - 92%.

I don't think the weight itself is the main issue, it's that she's put on a lot in a short period of time and more importantly that she's doing it to impress the boys.

Just to add to this. I don’t think this is as unusual as we think. There is an emerging trend to be described as ‘thick’. My DD is very slender and has started to talk about this. In the US it’s more prevalent though.

You're right. Also that she said she wants to gain more and she said she wants to get a butt like mine.

If a girl has a butt like mine, she's very overweight.

14 year old girls aren’t supposed to be the same weight and proportions as a grown woman. They’ve got another 3 or 4 years of puberty left and should still be quite thin.

Some are though. You know like how some girls start their periods at 8 and some start them at 15?

Yes and starting periods early is associated with obesity and negative health outcomes

Yes although it’s not guaranteed that that will happen. Some girls will just go through puberty early. My friend started her periods at 10, I was nearly 16. She was adult size at 13 and is not fat or overweight now. She is short for a woman but in school she was taller than everyone because she developed early. Female puberty ends between 14 and 16 and there are plenty of girls who are their full adult height and size at that age. Not everyone is “supposed to be skinny”.

OP’s DD was 126 lb not long ago. It sounds like she’s got a slim build or still has some growing to do before reaching her healthy adult size/weight. This sharp increase was achieved by over eating.

Most are. Have you seen women in countries where UPFs don’t exist? All very slim.

And this variation is taken into account in the charts. OPs DD has gone from 29 to 92 centile. That is cause for concern.