Page 4 | When is it acceptable for husband to go back to football

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

theleafandnotthetree · 10/10/2025 18:18

101trees · 10/10/2025 10:20

I have 2 kids.

One was absolutely fine sleeping alone from the off, she was fine in a cot alone, would happily sit watching me do stuff from the floor or a bouncer. She'd try it on a little as a toddler and I'd gently ignore it because she could self-sooth just fine and just fancied stringing bedtime out a bit longer.

The other was a terrible sleeper. Absolutely hated sleeping alone, couldn't self-sooth, nothing I tried worked, hated being put down as a baby, needed way more reassurance and interaction through every stage.

I didn't do anything radically different with either of them, they were just different individuals and have very different personalities.

The bad sleeping one is now 6ft tall with a beard and sleeps just fine on his own.

Your experience with your kids was your experience of your own individual humans, you didn't do it better than everyone else, and they didn't do anything wrong because their children were different.

You don't get to take credit for all the things that worked out well with your kids, just like everything which goes wrong with them isn't all your fault either.

We all do the best job we can with the children we have, it's best to try not to sit in judgement of other people because no-one does everything perfectly.

If you were struggling with something, you'd hope other people gave you helpful advice and support - not say things like - well it's all your fault and it's not fixable now. That's not even true!

OP will muddle along and sort it out best she can just like we all do.

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Of course children are individuals and need different approaches but the people I know who actively establish good routines, who provide a secure framework but don't allow unnecessary habits to develop almost always have children who adapt to that. And then are told how 'lucky' they are. It is partly luck but in most cases, most of the time, in the medium to longer term, you absolutely can create good habits that work for the whole family. There are of course exceptions before I get the inevitable 'but's but we are talking about at population level.

theleafandnotthetree · 10/10/2025 18:26

Velvian · 10/10/2025 08:35

It is a perfectly valid and reasonable parenting choice to lie with your child until they go to sleep. If you have a particularly fearful, anxious child, even more valid.

Many adults don't like to sleep alone, there is nothing shameful about a 5yo feeling the same.

Just because the prevailing view is, get them to bed alone, make them stay there, it doesn't mean that it is right for your child.

It is not lazy parenting either. Lazy parenting is no bedtime routine, child falls asleep in front of a screen at 10pm.

We did what you are doing, OP and still offer support at night occasionally to our, much older, anxious child.

For context, our DC get recognised at school for good conduct and attitudes to learning. They are not over-indulged princes/princess. They have the support they need at home to function well.

And for context, my 'great routine, never lay down with them to sleep' children are also recognised for good conduct and attitudes to learning, are much loved but have parents who had choices about how they spent their evenings and didn't spend precious adult time chained to a bad habit which is not necessarily good for anybody. Mine loved chilling in bed 'reading', chatting to their teddies, winding down properly etc. I would have been more willing to do some of the more extreme child centred parenting, would have made that sacrifice if I actually felt it was worth it, better for children but with record levels of anxiety and other mental health conditions amongst young people, I'm not convinced.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:31

I’d say he doesn’t need to stop going at all beyond 2wks assuming normal birth recovery time. Obviously if the birth is traumatic or has complications, then however long it takes you to physically recover enough to be up and about.

I would trade that for he has both DD and newborn for an equal amount of time on the evening or afternoon or morning of your choice.

You both need time to be yourself, preferably getting exercise or some sort of well being boost.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:34

theleafandnotthetree · 10/10/2025 18:26

And for context, my 'great routine, never lay down with them to sleep' children are also recognised for good conduct and attitudes to learning, are much loved but have parents who had choices about how they spent their evenings and didn't spend precious adult time chained to a bad habit which is not necessarily good for anybody. Mine loved chilling in bed 'reading', chatting to their teddies, winding down properly etc. I would have been more willing to do some of the more extreme child centred parenting, would have made that sacrifice if I actually felt it was worth it, better for children but with record levels of anxiety and other mental health conditions amongst young people, I'm not convinced.

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gah what a longwinded way to say no child is different from your children and anyone who parents differently from you is spoiling them and setting them up for poor mental health as teens. Why can you not accept the reasonable truth that children are as different as adults in both personality and needs?

MumChp · 10/10/2025 18:34

2ndtimemum2025 · 09/10/2025 21:36

Due to have my 2nd baby in 4 weeks. Already have a 5.5 year old daughter. Husband only gets 1 week off work. Husband normally plays football once a week around daughters bedtime when I have always had to lie with her until she falls asleep. Ive asked him to leave football until we figure out a new routine as I dont know how ill do my daughters bedtime and have a newborn. Husband said he will go back to football after a week off but I feel that is too soon. This has led to a big argument. Friends are saying he should have 4-6weeks off. Just wondering what others think is reasonable/acceptable?

You need to get your oldest sorted.

My husband would be happy to stay with me as long as I asked but I sent off to rugby and football first thing.

Settle your house so you can handle some hours on your own. It's two young children.
You can run it.

Remember to leave husband in charge at home as soon as possible to have some you time!

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:37

mnahmnah · 09/10/2025 22:05

My top tip for parenting generally is never do anything unless you are prepared for it to be a habit. Start lying down with them at night or letting them in your bed, they will keep doing it and it will be very difficult to break the habit

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Children outgrow things too quick for it to be a habit that you need to worry about breaking.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:40

dammit88 · 10/10/2025 06:51

There is nothing wrong with laying with a 5.5 year old if that's what she needs. But a 5 year old can also be reasoned with - she can understand something might need to wait until daddy is home. I think he should go back to football when you are physically well because it will be good for him and his wellbeing which should make it easier for him to support you long term.

This- lots of children regress a bit when you’re pregnant with a younger sibling, they want the reassurance that a new baby isn’t going to replace them. They often regress even more right after birth too,

You might have made this fear worse for your DD by stopping her from joining you in bed during the pregnancy. Every action has an opposite reaction.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:44

YetiRosetti · 10/10/2025 13:27

And we all know there is fuck all chance this man will be ok with OP having an evening out once a week and leaving him with both children.

I don’t know that. Is OP with an ex of yours?

YetiRosetti · 10/10/2025 18:57

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 18:44

I don’t know that. Is OP with an ex of yours?

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No, she’s with a man who has no regard for her expressing a view that she might need him to take more than one week off football when she’s newly post partum.

Not all men are like this, many are respectful of the need for the mother of their children to have equal spare time. But such men would also not have a big argument with and upset their pregnant wife if she suggested a bit longer off football training than one week.

The father of my children, who I’m no longer with as he left me for another woman, was in the former camp though, so you’re good to mock away about my exes.

WorkCleanRepeat · 10/10/2025 19:05

I don't see why it wouldn't be fine for your husband to go to football once a week right from the start.

Babies are simple enough for the first 3 months.

Many people's husbands work a late shift. You will just find a new evening routine.

34ransum · 10/10/2025 19:48

If thats his only hobby, he should go. An hour a week is nothing and it's important for his fitness and mental health

Topjoe19 · 10/10/2025 19:56

I used to sit with my DD, when she was 4 one night I was there for over an hour & I swore I wouldn't do it again & i didn't. I stayed upstairs pottering around, reassured & used sleepy stories on the Yoto for her to listen to when falling asleep.

notatinydancer · 10/10/2025 19:58

DorothyStorm · 09/10/2025 21:39

tell him he can go once toddler is asleep. Selfish arsehole.

Not a toddler 5.5 years old

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 10/10/2025 20:03

YetiRosetti · 10/10/2025 18:57

No, she’s with a man who has no regard for her expressing a view that she might need him to take more than one week off football when she’s newly post partum.

Not all men are like this, many are respectful of the need for the mother of their children to have equal spare time. But such men would also not have a big argument with and upset their pregnant wife if she suggested a bit longer off football training than one week.

The father of my children, who I’m no longer with as he left me for another woman, was in the former camp though, so you’re good to mock away about my exes.

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Sorry, but I tend to think regard is not synonymous with agreement.
You can have great regard for an opinion, but also not agree with it.

A man who is respectful of the need for him and the mother of their children to have equal time off would absolutely argue against that time being taken away.

When is it acceptable for husband to go back to football

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