When is it acceptable for husband to go back to football

[2ndtimemum2025]

Due to have my 2nd baby in 4 weeks. Already have a 5.5 year old daughter. Husband only gets 1 week off work. Husband normally plays football once a week around daughters bedtime when I have always had to lie with her until she falls asleep. Ive asked him to leave football until we figure out a new routine as I dont know how ill do my daughters bedtime and have a newborn. Husband said he will go back to football after a week off but I feel that is too soon. This has led to a big argument. Friends are saying he should have 4-6weeks off. Just wondering what others think is reasonable/acceptable?

The baby isn’t likely to sleep any better at four or six weeks than they are at one week.

He doesn’t go back until you can handle both kids, which might be a week or might be a year. And he doesn’t go back without the understanding that you get equal time off both kids too.

Why are you lying with her? That’s got to be the focus surely.

I don’t think it matters what your friends think, or people on here. It’s just what you and he think that matters.

tell him he can go once toddler is asleep. Selfish arsehole.

Honestly I think you need to deal with the sleep issue, what if he needs to work late or one of your wants to see friends etc. Laying with a toddler with a new born isn’t practical.

Ask him when he feels comfortable in you going out for an evening

This!

He should at least wait until the OP has recovered from the birth. After a C-section or difficult birth she will still be in recovery at 1 week and he should be doing as much to help with the housework and both children while not at work.

I agree with those saying the issue here is you lying with the toddler.

I do think a couple of week off football isn't too much to ask / to expect when you have a new baby, but I also think it is really important that BOTH parents ring fence themselves some time for a hobby / relaxation each week when you have a young family.

You need to sleep train your school-age child. At 5, she should know how to fall sleep by herself.

A 5.5 year old is not a toddler! This is your bigger problem. You really should have cracked this while pregnant. Unless there are SEN or medical reasons, your child should be able to settle themselves to sleep at that age. My eldest was that age when I had my second. He had to get himself ready for bed while I dealt with a newborn and a husband working night shifts

Any suggestions to stop lying with our daughter. Am hoping once baby is here she will see that i can't lie with her just not wanted to change things too much with baby coming and making her feel pushed out. But I agree that an issue.

Why is everyone calling the 5.5yo a toddler 😳

That’s not really how five/six-year-olds think. It’s just as likely that she’ll be needier than before.

Ive had to stop her from coming into our bed during the night all of the pregnancy which I have cracked with no help from husband who just stays asleep or would give up and let her in bed.

She isn’t a toddler.

Doing it when baby is here is adding another big change while you are dealing with a newborn. Some friends of ours had the same problem. Their eldest did not react well to their sibling arriving and the lying down at night went on for months more. No tips I’m afraid because I’m never laid down with either of mine. It was read a story, quick kiss and night night see you in the morning.

I think you guys will need to try it a few times to work it out.

Honestly I think a week or two is ok but don’t see why he should have to stop on a longer basis - you both need to prioritise a big of time for yourselves and even if you don’t feeL up to going out, he can do bedtime another night so you can have a break.

You have a month to start changing your daughters sleep habits together.

Go out yourself once a week for the evening.

5yo needs sorting before baby arrives if at all possible.

Start tomorrow with gradual retreat. Potter around upstairs, popping in and out, gradually extending time out of the room. Reward with stickers and a new toy for a week of no mummu/daddy in bed.

My top tip for parenting generally is never do anything unless you are prepared for it to be a habit. Start lying down with them at night or letting them in your bed, they will keep doing it and it will be very difficult to break the habit

But, my view on the football is why shouldn’t he be able to go out for a couple of hours, as long as he is pulling his weight and helping the rest of the time?

Waiting until the bay is here and then hoping she realises that you can’t is possibly the worst plan I’ve ever heard for anything ever.

I don’t know how to do it but there must be information out there.

My bedtime routine was
dinner
one tv programme
bath
teeth
one story of her choice one of my choice
kiss
bed
sleep

This. Your life isn’t going back to normal after a week and neither is his

He should go back to football after a week.

I agree with this and you should also get a child free night.
You need to sleep train your daughter. Take her back to bed every single time. No communication if she gets out of bed.
Preferably get Dad to do bedtime for a couple of weeks.
It will be tough but worth it.