Who allows their child to use TikTok?

[BatsInSummer]

I've never understood why anyone would.
The very premise makes it so dangerous for kids. They only have one childhood.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c708v7qkeg1o

And you know, when you hear about the type of incel Adolescent type damaged teen caught in their own online world, it's just never kids from the same type of background and home as mine. They don't look like my kids either. Make of that what you will.

'The thing is, later on, when you realise that your children have been doing what they want for years and allowing you to enjoy your ignorance to it all, you'll feel really silly. Especially as you'll be the only one who knows how insistent you were that you were doing the right thing.'

This is your quote @LoftyRobin

and then you say the following

'We spoke about privacy, dignity, compassion, respect and gratuitous violence. I am quite sure that my kids would choose to switch off because we value those things.'

It doesn't make any sense. You feel sure that your children would not watch the Charlie Kirk video because you explained to them why they shouldn't. But you think my child, who has no access to SM has probably watched it anyway.
You think my child would not turn away from it, even though I have taught him all those values too, but that your child, who has the means and the opportunity, definitely would.

Both your child, and my child, despite all the best efforts of parenting, could still make the choice to watch it. Why? Peer pressure, age-appropriate lack of impulse control, and developmentally appropriate reduced empathy caused by complex neural pruning during teen years.
It's biology and you cannot parent your way out of it.
Therefore, your child with full access, is way more likely to see that video than my child, who had very limited opportunity.

I dont think they do have limited opportunity and definitely won't soon. They'll just hide it from you. If my kid did watch it, they'd come and say "I watched this thing and it was shocking/scary/graphic". Yours will just not tell you they watched it and process it alone.

100% I don’t think LoftyRobin is ill meaning but they have it all very muddled don’t they. It’s not a choice of talking, being open and allowing unfettered access versus not allowing unchecked social media access, pretending bad things don’t exist and not teaching online skills. I do all the former but just don’t allow free for all access.

And, as I say, working in the field, honestly all sorts of kids get caught up in all sorts of things. The only common denominator is unchecked social media and internet access. The ONLY one. I’ve yet to meet a teen who was recruited to a far right party on X or drawn in to county lines via Snapchat whose parents didn’t allow social media - and they got involved via their friends’ phones. They just couldn’t get in deep enough to get controlled by others.

Why do you think this, I’m confused? I’ve already said my daughter came to me upset about pro-anorexia stuff she’d seen on Pinterest.

Not allowing unchecked social media/ internet access doesn’t mean I’m a terrifying parent she’s scared to talk to! I’m a single parent and our relationship is incredibly close. I’m quite relaxed about lots of ‘rules’ compared to others. And she’d talk to me if she did want more access, but she’s happy she doesn’t have the choice - she’s read enough to know it’s the best decision for tweens and young teens. She understands how it can rewire young brains in a way it doesn’t do to adults.

That's not true that is the only factor. Many people who are now adults today grew up with completely unfettered access to the Internet and was there to start social media. People in my age group made social media the thing it is today by the way we used it.

Your children are far more likely to hide whatever access they do have and you'll never know until theyre in their 20s and laughing at you because you thought your apps and things worked.

Because they know how hard you worked to shield them from it and how disappointed you'll be to find it hasn't worked. They don't want to scare or hurt you so they'll just keep it to themselves so as not to shatter your illusion. Just like kids who pretend to still believe in santa so their parents have a few more years of joy.

My child HAS come to me and told me things he has seen on other people's devices and we have discussed it. Why are you so sure he is hiding things from me but yours are not?
He has come to me to ask about the Charlie Kirk video. He asked whether it was true it was being shared on social media.
He HAS come to me and said 'I saw this graphic/shocking thing'. He didn't process it alone. He told me the very same day and I was able to deal with it in the way he asked me to.
He just has less opportunity to see all the crap because it's not on his phone or in his bedroom and I'm not affording him adult sensibilities just because I think I'm brilliant at parenting. I'm being more realistic. Less opportunity - less exposure. Not none. Less.

Because your attitude makes it more likely that he would need to hide so as not to have his freedom further restricted.

I mean A. You’re wrong about the generational access to internet. B. You have no idea how old I am. C. You seem to have low expectations of other people’s children versus your own.

Why would mine ‘laugh at me’? I mean, EVEN if you’re right about everything else (you’re not) and my child is merrily accessing porn right now on the edge of a football pitch (🫢) why do you think she’d be really mean?

I’m afraid your arguments don’t stack up and differ with ALL known expert advice. And advice from people who work in the field (like me). I genuinely don’t understand why you’d think you know better than everyone else on the topic and are not open to learning a bit. Good parenting is being flexible.

Oh come on, that’s a stretch even from you!

Many posters have told you the opposite but you’re still obstinately stating the same thing over and over. This isn’t the reality of our lives. We’re living them so I think we know!

Because it will seem cute that you were so naive.

Have a read of this. Many young people are crying out for their parents to help them manage this new digital age. 70% say social media makes them feel bad and most support curfews and restrictions. They know how shit it is because they’re living it

www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/may/20/almost-half-of-young-people-would-prefer-a-world-without-internet-uk-study-finds

Okay. I'd more trust the word of their kids myself.

ok. I’ll leave it here. Insults and snide remarks don’t make a reasoned debate. If you have nothing to say beyond that, there’s no point continuing to chat.

Lol you asked me why I think she would laugh. Naive isn't an insult. If I wanted to use an insulting word for naive, I'd use stupid.

Why because I don't agree that your way is the best way? This thing where you want to debate someone's opinions and then call them a troll when they won't just relent to you is ridiculous. the mods need to put a stop to it.

What does this mean, don’t look like your kids either? This stuff crosses all sorts of demographic boundaries.

I know what I mean and no, it is never kids that look like mine

She should have had it locked down, yes, but your child had to have searched for her to find it. You need to be parenting your child too and limiting their social media.

I think that is naivety at it's finest.

It's never kids that look like yours yet.

No my kids are allowed to search for who they want on social media. If you work in a school, you probably shouldn't have open pics if you dancing at reggae festivals with a rum punch and a spliff.

@LoftyRobin what ages did your children have autonomy over internet and SM usage?
Can they use the internet completely freely in their bedrooms/privacy or is it just SM?

I agree, she shouldn't have. It's very likely she will has signed a code of conduct, which will have included exactly that type of thing.
Children shouldn't be accessing their parent's SM accounts, but she also shouldn't post that along with her full identity. Working in education brings responsibilities that extend outside of the classroom.