Who allows their child to use TikTok?

[BatsInSummer]

I've never understood why anyone would.
The very premise makes it so dangerous for kids. They only have one childhood.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c708v7qkeg1o

Social media isn't designed for that though. Im not suggesting you direct them to pornhub. I am saying that it is very easy to get onto Instagram and because you've made it a taboo, your kids are far more likely to not only sneak on there, but sneak on there to find the worst things to rebel against you.

Instagram probably isn't my main target here.
However, my kids cannot access Instagram behind my back. My daughter does not yet have a phone (10) and my son has a pinwheel (12). He can't download any apps without my approving it through my parent account. There's no work around, the software is sound with pinwheel (hence the price).
He will definitely see all sorts via the phones of others. This is definitely something we discuss. I'm honest about why I don't want him seeing porn. It's not taboo, it's inappropriate for his brain age (with a host of other problems).
We are a very open family. We talk about all sorts but we keep the conversation age appropriate.
If he goes bananas with social media with he is 16, well that's ok. But there is zero evidence to suggest that he will become an addict because he wasn't allowed to dabble before he was ready.
These social media apps rely on this kind of thinking.
By the time SM has damaged them it is too late.

I also think the word 'taboo' is misplaced. Instagram isn't taboo in my household, it's just not age appropriate for my children.
Ditto horror movies, sexual relationships, alcohol, staying up half the night and solo travel.
They are children.

I only know that when I was a teenager, the parents that took this approach had no idea what their kids got up to.

Oh I agree. Most parents don't know the half and I'll be included in that. It's the normal experience.

But, I can protect them now, from the horrors of the internet coming into their homes and their bedrooms, and for as long as possible.

My son has seen some stuff, on friends phones. He's told me and we've discussed it. No admonishment. No banning of the friendship.
I can't protect him from everything, but I absolutely will take the harder road for him, in his best interests, every time.

Speaking as someone who was at high school when Insta, snapchat etc was in it infancy (although pre TikTok), there is no way I would let my DDs have social media except maybe heavily regulated whatsapp. Snapchat inparticular was tokic, my peers would send dick pics, topless picks etc accompied by a deogratry comment.

Toxic I mean

Not a hope. 10 yr old will get a phone when she goes to secondary school at 13 and a half and no TikTok . Not only because of the content but also TIkTok brain which impairs concentration.

@LoftyRobin just out of interest how old is your child that said that to a member of school staff.

My parent facilitated a lot of freedom for me from age 13/14 upwards. She presumed me to have more mature sensibilities than I possessed.
Things happened that absolutely should not have happened. I would have said, at that time, that those were my choices but I see now that I was coerced. She should have protected me better and I hugely resent her for it.

No, my ds (13) isn’t allowed it. Also expresses no desire to have it either. He doesn’t seem to want to do anything internet related on his phone at all, although he’ll happily play Minecraft and watch YouTube on his Mac for as long as I’ll let him.

My teenagers.

One follows other home educated teensgers and families, the other watches football skills and clips. He's also discovered a love of anything related to the Tudors through TikTok, and for a child that hates school, I love that it has introduced him to something he finds interesting and keen to learn about.

We also sometimes put my tiktok on the big TV and watch days in the life together - at the moment we are all weirdly into days in the life of people living and working on Offshore Oil rigs and kids at a boarding school (a church one with very unique uniforms!), which has led to some interesting discussions and a potential career path for one of them.

We also like listening to the guess the music quizzes together as a family.

I monitor their tiktoks - theyre 13 and 14 - theyre on the highest privacy settings, they dont post videos or have any followers other than me.

@pokewoman that all sounds very interesting and I'm not disputing the fact that TikTok has its up sides, it is after all, hugely successful.
I don't think any of that negates the dangers or ethics of the platform and I don't think your monitoring can be 100% effective.
TikTok pushes pornography to children.

Researchers created fake child accounts and activated safety settings but still received sexually explicit search suggestions.
The suggested search terms led to sexualised material including explicit videos of penetrative sex.
The platform says it is committed to safe and age-appropriate experiences and took immediate action once it knew of the problem.
In late July and early August this year, researchers from campaign group Global Witness set up four accounts on TikTok pretending to be 13-year-olds.
They used false dates of birth and were not asked to provide any other information to confirm their identities.
Pornography
They also turned on the platform's "restricted mode", which TikTok says prevents users seeing "mature or complex themes, such as… sexually suggestive content".
Without doing any searches themselves, investigators found overtly sexualised search terms being recommended in the "you may like" section of the app.
Those search terms led to content of women simulating masturbation.
Other videos showed women flashing their underwear in public places or exposing their breasts.
At its most extreme, the content included explicit pornographic films of penetrative sex.

It was when he was 8. He searched her on my phone. Not sure why. I suspect the other kids had told him that hers was open and to look. He told me he found it and I said "you didn't add her, did you?" And he said "no!" (This was from my account).

But the next day he said to her that he found her instagram but didnt add her.

My children both watch but don't post, I do too. I check on both and neither of their algorithms are showing anything inappropriate.

Ds1 is mostly gaming, football and golf content.

Ds2 is gaming, and funny shorts of people falling over and cute animals and the like (think modern day you've been framed).

I looks at their fyp and search histories etc and the worse I've seen is a bit of bad language which they will hear at school anyway. Absolutely be cautious, make sure you know what content your childcare consuming but no need to ban it outright if used properly.

Ive been on TikTok for almost six years. I have never seen any porn. I do random spot checks multiple times a week on their phones (as well as when theyre sitting next to me and im looking at them with them), and no porn has ever come up.

They understand algorithms, and that their feeds will reflect what they have searched for or watched. I'm not naive to know that it can and may slip through the nets occasionally, but we have never come across it. If they did, im fairly confident (again, can never ever be 100% sure, but i also have trust in my children) that theyd let me know. When they came across something iffy in a WhatsApp group a while back from a sxhool friend, they immediately told me so we could deal with it.

I'm not naive - i know there can be issues on social media, but for me personally, I will take those risks because a) i dont belive in bubble wrapping b) for us, the positives have outweighed any risks 1000x c) i monitor their social media and overall phone usage very closely and d) i have to put aome trust in my children

Well then she was correct, Instagram has a minimum age of 13. I'm presuming she was a primary teacher therefore would assume if parents were policing social.media correctly they would not be able to find her. Different if she was secondary.

Nobody with any sense. I have seen horrific things on there.

My children's devices are locked down. I can't control what others show them but I can control to a fairly high degree what they can and cannot see on their personal devices.

I will remove parental controls at 18 and not before.

I don't care if they think they are "missing out" or their friends tease them.

AI algorithms are really dangerous.

When I was unwell the algorithms started showing me videos about suicide.

No way, not for my kids, not on my watch.

Instagram has an age limit for your own account. He found her via mine. Either way, if you don't want people to find you, use your.privacy settings.

A little off topic but related to the concerns expressed...I had a organization into work this week who offer gambling support and they have data which suggests that Roblox etc can lead into gambling behaviors in the future. The developers design stuff to suve the same dopamine hits as gambling provides. Make of that what you will.

I held off on Roblox for that very reason. I relented, briefly, because of so much social pressure. It is definitely addictive by nature, and I can see how it would contribute to gambling issues in the future. I've ended it's presence in my children's lives and they will be completely fine without it.

I'm not at this stage yet as mine are young. It would be interesting to hear from the teens that weren't given smart phones in 2012 vs the ones that weren't to see how it has made a difference to their lives. Although I know that TikTok wasn't around then.

My 13 (nearly 14) year old DS has it.

I joined up our accounts as parent and child and put a limit of 15 minutes a day for him.

I hate the fact that lots of other social media platforms now have the ‘video shorts’ section that is essentially just TikTok like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc. They are just awful for focus and concentration. I’ve found even mine has worsened when using Tiktok too much 😩

Tbh I am finding it really hard with navigating social media accounts and what is/isn’t okay. Especially as he gets older.

Roblox can be awful. Our younger son has always been great with self-regulation when it comes to screens (unlike his brother!). We’ve never had to impose limits or anything, he just sticks to a healthy amount of time. However that completely changed when he got Roblox, it was like an addiction. We deleted it off his iPad and, although he was upset for a couple of days, it was definitely the best decision.

I agree with this.
DS uses discord and WhatsApp for chattIng with his friends and also has a YouTube subscription. I have not banned TikTok but he doesn’t use it very often.