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Original poster

Child left alone

105 replies

Than85 · 04/10/2025 05:15

Iv never been kings cross but recently found out via my child she was left alone in the lounge. Iv no idea for how long or for what we reason, mother refuses to answer my concerns. It clearly a busy station and no matter how long I'm just shocked. The snippets iv heard is she was getting tickets but surely carnt gain access to lounge without. Left to fill gaps and justify but I really am struggling to make any sense or reasoning.😢
I can only keep assuming the worst and the upset and fear my child went through. It's eating me alive with worry, this is one occasion I know of,how many other occasions I don't.
I carnt ask my child as dnt want to add unnecessary pressure and when I go anywhere near the subject she clams up and cries.
I need to get past it but struggling too without answers. The silent treatment from mum only makes me think it's worse than the little I know.
I found out via a phone I got her as there was concern parenting issues prior and have been since and read "where are you mummy?"
Any advice please 😥

OP posts:
bettydavieseyes · 04/10/2025 08:40

I wouldn't leave my 9 year old alone in this situation, but she has special needs so I'm not a good judge. I can just about remember my 22 year old being 9 and I don't believe I left her alone either. We live near London so went to these busy stations a lot.

The problem is, because you don't trust your ex you are going to be constantly anxious. As she is the other parent with full responsibility while the child is with her I would step right back and consider your own mental health. If you can't even have a conversation with your ex there's no point in thinking about all this. You are just going to have to trust her (unless she has previously been abusive/neglectful and SS are involved).

JollyGreenSleeves · 04/10/2025 08:44

You sound like a control freak. She is 9, not a baby. If you took her out and she needed the loo you would have to, sometimes, leave her on her own for short periods.

You’re clearly checking the messages between daughter and mum, trying to find ‘evidence’ against her. If the courts have said she is safe to be with mum then she is safe to be with mum. Sounds like they were having a nice trip out.

You sound obsessed with your ex.

Katherina198819 · 04/10/2025 08:47

Well, telling a 9-year-old to sit and wait in a first-class lounge—I don’t think that’s irresponsible.

But I think it depends on the child. Some 9 year olds listen and do exactly what their parents say. Others just come out of diapers and are still being spoon-fed (that’s an exaggeration, but you get my point).

If the child knows how to handle situations when strangers approach them, then I think it’s fine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2025 08:48

I remember my parenting journey had a big jump in getting easier when my girls were around 8 yo and you could be five mins late for stuff and it didn’t matter any more, they’d just wait.
if the 9yo was anxious about this, then that’s learnt anxiety from the op, because by 9, this shouldn’t be anxiety inducing. From my job so often when you meet a parent, you can see why a child is how they are.
the best parenting if as an adult you have anxiety, is to recognise it, get help and not project it on to your children. And not get angry at strangers who point it out to you.

Summmeeerrrrisherenearly030933939 · 04/10/2025 08:53

@Than85 my DS is just 10 and yes I would leave him in the lounge to go the toilet. Especially a first class lounge. You DD had a phone, is old enough to not wander off with anyone or wander off on their own. I thought you were going say they were 4/5/6 years old, as I wouldn’t leave my 6 year old.
I think your making a mountain out of a mole hill to be honest

LimitedBrightSpots · 04/10/2025 08:55

bettydavieseyes · 04/10/2025 08:40

I wouldn't leave my 9 year old alone in this situation, but she has special needs so I'm not a good judge. I can just about remember my 22 year old being 9 and I don't believe I left her alone either. We live near London so went to these busy stations a lot.

The problem is, because you don't trust your ex you are going to be constantly anxious. As she is the other parent with full responsibility while the child is with her I would step right back and consider your own mental health. If you can't even have a conversation with your ex there's no point in thinking about all this. You are just going to have to trust her (unless she has previously been abusive/neglectful and SS are involved).

I agree with this. In your situation, I would do the following - 1) report behaviour if I thought it reached the threshold for being reported as neglect or 2) ignore it. Even if you don't intend it that way, contacting your ex to berate her for parenting decisions made during her time with your DD is controlling.

NewWin · 04/10/2025 08:57

I wouldn't respond to you either, if you were my ex.

I have a 9 year old, he is perfectly capable of sitting in a waiting room whilst I get a ticket, or a drink from a machine, or anything else people do in a waiting room. He doesn't hold my hand when crossing the road - most 9 year olds don't.

I would ignore you too because you're coming across as controlling and overbearing, which will upset your child if nothing else. Rein it in

NewWin · 04/10/2025 08:59

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2025 08:48

I remember my parenting journey had a big jump in getting easier when my girls were around 8 yo and you could be five mins late for stuff and it didn’t matter any more, they’d just wait.
if the 9yo was anxious about this, then that’s learnt anxiety from the op, because by 9, this shouldn’t be anxiety inducing. From my job so often when you meet a parent, you can see why a child is how they are.
the best parenting if as an adult you have anxiety, is to recognise it, get help and not project it on to your children. And not get angry at strangers who point it out to you.

Wise words!

tripleginandtonic · 04/10/2025 09:00

Then yabu. My dc at that age could wait a few minutes at a given place while I sorted out tickets etc or went to check the board. Stop babying your dc in order to get at her mother.

Neemie · 04/10/2025 09:01

It sounds like you found this out by looking at your daughter’s phone and she got upset when you asked her about it. She is probably upset because she doesn’t like the angst and being stuck in the middle of warring parents.

She doesn’t need her hand held all the time at a station. King’s Cross is a standard busy London station. The main risk would be that her phone gets nicked but that is extremely unlikely in a first class lounge.

It is fine to feel anxious but your daughter is fine and nothing bad happened. For her sake move on and don’t make a huge drama out of it. If you do make a big fuss, she will just stop telling you stuff. If there is safeguarding concerns, you want her to feel she can come to you and that you will be a calm listener.

redemptionwoes · 04/10/2025 09:02

I think you are being ridiculous for a 9 year old - lots of kids walk home alone at that age.

Octavia64 · 04/10/2025 09:03

King’s Cross first class lounge is an extremely safe place to leave a nine year old.

I have used it on many occasions. It’s staffed and has its own loos (and certainly used to have a shower).

FunBlueCritic · 04/10/2025 09:08

Than85 · 04/10/2025 05:15

Iv never been kings cross but recently found out via my child she was left alone in the lounge. Iv no idea for how long or for what we reason, mother refuses to answer my concerns. It clearly a busy station and no matter how long I'm just shocked. The snippets iv heard is she was getting tickets but surely carnt gain access to lounge without. Left to fill gaps and justify but I really am struggling to make any sense or reasoning.😢
I can only keep assuming the worst and the upset and fear my child went through. It's eating me alive with worry, this is one occasion I know of,how many other occasions I don't.
I carnt ask my child as dnt want to add unnecessary pressure and when I go anywhere near the subject she clams up and cries.
I need to get past it but struggling too without answers. The silent treatment from mum only makes me think it's worse than the little I know.
I found out via a phone I got her as there was concern parenting issues prior and have been since and read "where are you mummy?"
Any advice please 😥

There is also a family lounge at kings cross, you don't need a ticket to enter and it is just opposite where you buy tickets. Personally, I wouldn't think twice about leaving my 9 year old there for 5-10 minutes..

orangessquashed · 04/10/2025 09:18

We have a 9 year old dd, she walks to and from school on her own and goes out to play with friends. I would completely trust her to sit in a lounge.
You sound overbearing and I’m not surprised she’s chosen to ignore you.
Get out of your helicopter and stop trying to micro-manage this woman.
When you have your dd on your time, you can do things your way, same goes for her.

COUN · 04/10/2025 09:36

I agree with PP’s. You sound extremely controlling and abusive. As soon as you didn’t get the responses you wanted on here you turned nasty. Your mask slipped.

Your daughter is 9, not a toddler. They were fine. You don’t need to know every detail and your child is probably anxious/clamming up because of your behaviours. She’s probably witnessed these overreactions from you thousands of times over and that’s what scares her.

Based on your replies on here alone, mediation with you would be pointless. You call the friend ‘abusive’… I sense that’s just because she’s not backed down to your demands, stood up to you and isn’t scared of you?

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

LimitedBrightSpots · 04/10/2025 09:40

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

Your child will be going to secondary school next year and you wouldn't leave them in a busy station waiting-room for a few minutes?

Luxio · 04/10/2025 09:42

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

I would imagine you're probably in the minority not giving your almost secondary age child any freedom. How on earth do you imagine they will develop independence without introducing it in small chunks as they grow up?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2025 09:44

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

This is a terrible post. It is blindingly obvious that the op is using his child as revenge on his ex to the child’s own detriment. Validating him isn’t helpful.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:45

It's perfectly fine. Lead your own life and stop trying to intrude on your exes. She doesnt want you. Move on.

orangessquashed · 04/10/2025 09:45

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

Your child is nearly 11 and you wouldn’t let them in a station lounge alone?
That’s nearly secondary school.
How do you expect them to get a bus to school, or a bus anywhere?

Bombshelter · 04/10/2025 09:47

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/10/2025 09:36

@Than85 ive a nearly 11 year old and I wouldn’t leave them alone like this.
who outs their child knowing being snatched . Why didn’t child go with mum ? How long was she gone ?
Obviously long enough for your child to worry .
Can you apply to courts for full residency if this isn’t then for concerns ?
By the age of 11 your child will
be able to decide for themselves who they live with .

Your child will be at secondary before you know it. The best thing is to slowly teach them how to manage the new environments and experiences they are going to meet as they grow up.

If your child is nearly 11 they’re for secondary next year. They’ll be travelling by themselves and many kids cross London on public transport. Isn’t it better they learn what do do gradually than be thrown in at the deep end?

Also. If you can’t tell how controlling and overbearing the op is that’s a worry.

mindutopia · 04/10/2025 12:04

I’d leave my 9 year old in the first class lounge at Kings Cross to run to the toilet or ticket office. I don’t see the issue.

You sound anxious and like someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience parenting a preteen.

Blushingm · 04/10/2025 12:13

You sound incredibly controlling.

A 9 year old left for a couple of minute in a lounge it’s perfectly reasonable

if her mum needed the loo would you want your daughter to go to the stall r wait outside?

you sound biter because of the break up and are trying to control or appear superior to her mum

MotorwayDiva · 04/10/2025 12:20

Depends on the child, I have left my 9 year old reading on the seating in the middle of station whilst went to get drinks at euston. So in the lounge is fine imo
In 2 years she'll they'll be getting themselves to school alone so a bit of independence is good.
If concerned maybe get her a smart watch or phone?