Child left alone

[Than85]

Iv never been kings cross but recently found out via my child she was left alone in the lounge. Iv no idea for how long or for what we reason, mother refuses to answer my concerns. It clearly a busy station and no matter how long I'm just shocked. The snippets iv heard is she was getting tickets but surely carnt gain access to lounge without. Left to fill gaps and justify but I really am struggling to make any sense or reasoning.😢
I can only keep assuming the worst and the upset and fear my child went through. It's eating me alive with worry, this is one occasion I know of,how many other occasions I don't.
I carnt ask my child as dnt want to add unnecessary pressure and when I go anywhere near the subject she clams up and cries.
I need to get past it but struggling too without answers. The silent treatment from mum only makes me think it's worse than the little I know.
I found out via a phone I got her as there was concern parenting issues prior and have been since and read "where are you mummy?"
Any advice please 😥

Sorry you feel that way

I’ve got a sensible 10 year old and I would have left her alone for a few minutes in a public place at 9 if we were travelling somewhere. It’s a lot easier for one person to look after the luggage whilst the other one changes a ticket time or nips to the loo and at 9 she was capable of doing that.

The reason that your ex isn’t replying is because your concern is coming across as control. These decisions are hers to make on her days, and you don’t have the right to force her to do what you think is right.

If you genuinely have concerns that your daughter is too young for this, or was upset by it, you should speak calmly to school and ask them for advice. They know the child, you, and your ex so if there is a safeguarding concern they would be able to help without need for mediation or court.

X posted.

Now WE are just terrible and you just can't (carnt?) be doing with us. Do you really react like this to things like this in real life? Stop overreacting. Your poor blood pressure

You have no right to know what your child’s mother was doing. My kids would be distressed if their dad quizzed them about what I was doing - he’d never do that though because he’s not a controlling arsehole. A 9 year old can be left for 5 minutes in a safe place - no one’s going to be snorting coke or molesting children in the public space that is the first class lounge at Kings Cross.

Mediation isn’t recommended in cases of abuse. I wouldn’t engage with mediation with you either.

Aaand there we have it!

Look i mean i can understand your concern (due to the where are you mummy text; it seems like it could have been longer than a few minutes), but the situation is done, it's over, your daughter is safe and there's nothing you can do. I really don't understand all your comments about "omg I'm thinking the worst"... there was no worst! She's ok!

All you can do is to stay alert for any signs of neglect, and document if there are any.

She doesn’t owe you an explanation, you’ve not said how you know your daughter was upset and distressed? Her text message doesn’t necessarily mean she was worried or scared so what makes you think she was?

Probably for the best. Mumsnet isn’t really the best place for controlling men to get their controlling behaviour supported. We’re generally more concerned for the women suffering at the hands of men like you.

I suspect most of us don’t feel leaving a 9 year old for a few minutes in a first class lounge is a big deal but her dad giving her a phone to spy on her and the mum is.

She is 9

Of an age where a child within "normal" range of development should be encouraged to indepeandant and trust worthy when it comes to things like staying put in a location when asked and/or going to an agreed location if she believed she is lost in an area.

A lot of this hinges on the original safeguarding concerns. I've seen parents get unsupervised contact back after some awful things through work and if I was the other parent I wouldn't trust them to keep the child safe. So you're getting a lot of replies not accounting for history/context because you refuse to share it.
In a normal situation I think it's fine to leave a 9 year old in a ticketed entry waiting room for a few minutes to nip to the loo for example, if they are comfortable with that. That may well be very different if there is strong evidence to suggest mum hasn't made adequate safeguarding decisions in the past that have put the child at risk.

At my daughter's school, many of the 9yos are making their way to and from school on public transport themselves. If a 9yo can do that, they are certainly capable of just sitting quietly in a busy station full of CCTV.

She probably just texting her mum out of boredom (which can happen in seconds)

I have an 8yo and a preschooler and we travel by public transport, including trains, a lot. So here's my insight into it. Of course ideally, I'd have him right next to me and never let him out of my sight, but realistically that's sometimes a bit impractical. It might be different if he was a nervous, unsure sort of child, but he's pretty hardy and useful. I wouldn't let him use the men's toilets in a train station by himself, I'm afraid, although he uses them most other places as he doesn't like coming in the women's. He might wait outside with strict instructions not to move while I took the little one in. He'll pop up the escalator to the water bottle station to fill our water bottles while I wait downstairs with the pushchair and luggage, and he'll go into the station shop by himself with my card to get a few snacks for the journey (it's often too busy to get the buggy in). I'd leave him alone in a waiting-room while I used toilets attached to the waiting-room but not if I was going to have to wander around the station.

In a year or so, his primary school will let his age group walk home by themselves. In a few years time, he'll be navigating London by himself on the bus and train to get himself to school and to go out with his friends. There is absolutely no point in wrapping him in cotton wool rather than building up slowly to this so he can deal with any situations he is likely to find himself in.

My dd at 4 - from the day she started, along with all the other kids who didn’t live walking distance - got the school bus to and from school. She walked round the corner with her wee friends and they all got on and off at the right stops.

Us parents took it in turns to walk them round - so I’d send her out the door to walk up to her friend’s and then their mother or father would walk them round and if it was turn they’d all walk to mine.

you can come back and post again, but if you want to know what people really think, post as a woman, it’s the only way.

I think at 9 she should be able to wait in the lounge for a few minutes. My daughter at that age told someone she got lost in a busy station when I was no more than 2 metres from her and could see her speaking to someone (obviously I shot over and told her I was there).

Yeah, the best way to manipulate women into treating you like a woman is to pretend you are also a woman. You're very intelligent. Well done

9 year olds don’t usually need their hands holding at all times in train stations OP. Unless there is any SEN that you’re leaving out.

You seem to only want the opinions of those people who agree with you?

At 9, leaving my child in a first class lounge would not be an issue, but of course depends on the child.

your child not wanting to talk about it does not read that she had traumatising experience to me, it reads that she does not want to give you more ammunition to use against her mum and is feeling guilty that you have gone through her phone and seen this message and taken it out of context. She is no doubt aware of your views of her mother and does not want to be in the middle (you still sound bitter that you were left for another man- yes it was shit but move on- it doesn’t mean your ex is a bad mum), your daughter likely doesn’t know how to handle it so is clamming up- perhaps it is you that is traumatising her but you are wrapping it up as love? Maybe she was temporarily worried but knows that if she admits that to you all hell will break lose - you need to understand that kids are allowed to be a little scared in new situations, her mum thought she was mature enough to cope- both things can be true at the same time- it doesn’t mean she wasn’t safe- it’s part of growing up and not a safeguarding situation.

Maybe there is a simple explanation to the ticket/lounge thing- maybe her mum needed the loo and a there was a massive queue so thought daughter would be safer/happier and securely in a first class lounge? It could be something embarrassing like she was on her period and flooded through - why should she need to go into details to tell you that when it is easier to say gone to get tickets- who knows but you are def overthinking this one.

The reason people are jumping to conclusions of you being controlling is that no one understands the context of your other safeguarding concerns as you haven’t explained them. This situation in isolation is not a concern and you should stop harassing your daughter/her mum/mums friend about it.

if this is true, then your posts and reactions are very very strange op.

stop dressing it up as concern.

I can tell you if you went to an independent mediator and presented your ‘side’ as you have done here, you would absolutely be marked as controlling and unstable. You are welcome to slag me off for saying that, but I don’t care, that is the reality.

1. it is absolutely fine to leave a 9 yr in a lounge.
2. ‘where are you mummy’ is a perfectly normal question. You have added in your own tone. I ask people where they are. It doesn’t actually mean I’m rocking back and forth in a panic in tears, it means I would like to know their location.
3. you are split up. (And honestly, I can see why, the red flags are clear in your posts). It is not ‘govong you the silent treatment’ to not respond to your messages, she doesn’t have to.,
4. what you are attempting to do is manipulate your daughter to like you best. That is abhorrent parenting which will harm her mental health.

it might be that there are safeguarding concerns, but the example in your op is not a concern at all, your batshit responses however, are.

there are thousands of men who control women under the heading ‘but I love you so much’, it is now, thankfully, recognised as a crime.

Kings Cross has a designated family lounge right next to where you buy tickets.

However, as others have stated you do seem to be very controlling. I would have left my child in at at 9.

This one went south pretty quickly

A 9 year old left in the first class lounge for minutes whilst mum goes to the loo / buy some snacks / sort a ticket issue is not a problem at all. I would have done that no issue. I think you are over reacting and possibly taking the “where are you mummy” out of context. Blimey I went out to the bin in the drive the other day and one of mine texted this - because they wanted another biscuit! (Didn’t have my phone with me obvs!!) try not to fuel your daughters anxiety - these are all important life skills. 1st class train travel for a trip to London seems pretty good to me!

She'll be out and about independently in 2 years time, OP., when she starts secondary. Regardless of what you think of her mother's parenting, unless you think the mother is actually putting her in danger (and a few minutes' alone in a busy station lounge doesn't quality), you'd do best to focus your energy on encouraging and promoting your DD's independence, teaching her what dangerous situations look like and how to avoid them, and equipping her with the skills she'll need to keep herself safe.

I used KX fairly regularly and if it was either of the LNER lounges, they have a family one and a first class one then I would be ok leaving a 9 year old in either of those for a short period of time.
The first class one you do need a ticket to enter. Although, I suspect if she showed her confirmation and said I need to pop back to to print the tickets (I always have them on my phone so not sure where that is) they would likely let the child and luggage in in the mean time.
Ive also gone up a few times and the desk has been empty.