Child left alone

[Than85]

Iv never been kings cross but recently found out via my child she was left alone in the lounge. Iv no idea for how long or for what we reason, mother refuses to answer my concerns. It clearly a busy station and no matter how long I'm just shocked. The snippets iv heard is she was getting tickets but surely carnt gain access to lounge without. Left to fill gaps and justify but I really am struggling to make any sense or reasoning.😢
I can only keep assuming the worst and the upset and fear my child went through. It's eating me alive with worry, this is one occasion I know of,how many other occasions I don't.
I carnt ask my child as dnt want to add unnecessary pressure and when I go anywhere near the subject she clams up and cries.
I need to get past it but struggling too without answers. The silent treatment from mum only makes me think it's worse than the little I know.
I found out via a phone I got her as there was concern parenting issues prior and have been since and read "where are you mummy?"
Any advice please 😥

You don’t need to know what she was doing, she might have needed the loo, went to buy snacks for the train, needed to change a ticket. She made an assessment that it was safe to leave her child in an entry controlled space for a period of time. “Where are you mummy” is simply asking where is she, there’s no fear, tone or anything else implied in a question. My DD messages me if I’m out of sight for 5 minutes and she knows full well where I am, she’s not scared, she just wants to know where I am at that exact moment.

You’re being controlling.

I would ignore you if you started talking crap at me and questioning my perfectly reasonable parenting and winding up a nine year old’s anxieties in a situation where they were safe and being treated in an age appropriate manner.

my ex husband used to dress up his control as concern. It’s a tactic many abusive men use. You should reflect on that.

The phone was provided by myself to have direct communication rather than go through mother. There 2 numbers in phone,mine and mums. The phone was needed due to other safeguarding concerns.

How do you know she was worried and upset? Did you speak to her, did she tell you?

What were those safeguarding concerns?

my ex tried that too. I turned the phone off and left it behind a lot.

"Hundreds of witnesses". Id rather avoid such incident by simply keeping her in sight. And yes she would walk of looking for mummy given she didn't get a reply on her phone, fortunately she didn't or at least I assume she didn't.

You’re stifling your child and treating her as if she is much younger. Does she have any special needs?

Rather not write them on here. Sorry but out of respect for my daughter I'm asking for opinions and help regarding being left alone.like say one of many concerns.

The language of your messages is controlling. I would ignore my ex too if he was texting demanding to know where I had been and why I made certain parenting decisions. I left my 9year old son sitting on seats in kings cross while I went in a shop and I wouldnt think to hold his hand the entire time. You sound anxious and like you are trying to find faults. Just concentrate on your own parenting

How dare you form judgement then ask such a question

Without context, you seem controlling and the tactics you are using were deemed abusive in court in my case.

Hope that helps.

From the very first post, i thought 'controlling'. All this 'concern". And reading the following posts, i know this person is just looking for more stuff to beat the child’s mother with. I am starting to doubt how 'upset' you are claiming your DD was.

I’m asking because if she has special needs, it may be appropriate to treat her differently to a typical child of her age.

I have a now adult child with special needs myself. And I am neurodiverse myself also.

My language?wow. You seem very bitter about your ex. Sure you can post and ask for advice regarding that and hopefully you get more pleasant and helpful comments than what you are directing my way.

Then why are you using the phone to spy on her communications with her mother. My son has text me where are you mum when we had to sit separately on a busy train doesnt mean anything

I suspect you'd rather not write them because they are not actually valid safeguarding concerns. Given you seem to think it's completely inappropriate and a safeguarding concerns worthy of interrogation for a 9 year old to be alone for even a few minutes I'm not sure I would trust your judgement of what was actually a concern.

The most worrying part of this other than your controlling behaviour, is that your 9 year old would apparently just wander off alone if asked to stay somewhere for a few minutes?

This is just a difference in opinion on how much freedom you allow a 9 year old, not a safeguarding concern.

With respect you sound very judgemental.

With respect, your mask is slipping.

Sorry but

You are being a little drama lama expecting a 9 year old to have to be hand held (even in any normal busy crowd situation).

You dont trust your ex which is not going to change. You need to manage what you can manage and accept the bits you cant manage as best you can. You cant control what your Ex will do you can only help your child by teaching her to be as safe as possible.

I would focus on teaching your child to be confident and "street smart". You need to stop trying to get details of what Mum is doing wrong as your daughter is becoming upset partly as she will be protective partly as she sees it puts her in the middle of the conflict. Given that you say there has been a lot of conflict DD is not likely to trust you with the details

Rather than ask her what happened at mums or asking her what she thinks made her cry focus on teaching what could she do if she was actually lost who would she look to for help when would she phone you etc

Eg can she dial your phone number from memory who should she approach to ask them to call you.

If you think that the friend has safeguarding concerns or thinks that your Ex is abusing your DD ask her to contact SS directly with a clear account of when and how each event happened.

Lol I am not bitter we get on fine. But just as I wouldn't question his decisions when he has our child I expect the same from him

This.

OP, is not deceiving anyone.
Please, jog on. Stop being controlling & abusive.
Your DD's mother is very right not to engage with you.

You are coming across as a bit of a controlling, arrogant arsehole OP

Like said I have no idea of how long but avoidance of explanation to avoid worry is unhelpful.
First time posted on gear and likely my last.
Thank you to those with helpful comments. Not here for an argument.

I wouldn't leave my 10yo in a train lounge but it sounds more like a difference in parenting style than a safeguarding concern. You seem extremely over the top tbh. You can barely get your words out. With respect, I think you need to calm down a lot and be a bit more collaborative with your ex instead of looking for a reason to freak the heck out and accuse her of being terrible