Family court / Cafcass looking for some advice please.

Newmum1998x · 2025-09-29T16:03:24+00:00

Hi, I’m hoping someone can give me some good advice / guidance on how the family law process please. So quick run down I had a baby boy at the beginning of August and my ex dumped me at 6 months pregnant (early May). I told him due to his lack of support, abuse etc to go via the courts for access as I cannot trust him. I did ask him in June how he would support our son prior to his birth and after but got no response. He’s a completely different person to the man I knew and is so cold and distant. Well he’s now gone to court and I am somewhat glad he’s making an effort for our son IF he sticks with it. Cafcass have been in touch to confirm my details and that’s all so far. I am not breastfeeding as I struggled with this and my ex is not on our son’s birth certificate, was not allowed at the birth and he has my last name. I’m frightened that my ex will be able to take my son away from me with 50/50 custody. Does anyone know the process and how long this takes please? I will list a few issues / safeguarding concerns below. — Asked me to leave with no notice at 6 months pregnant in my pyjamas on a Wednesday night at 9pm. Told me to pack a bag and come back for the rest. He had taken my keys off me and removed me from the shared CCTV / apps. Keeping in mind he knew I didn’t have a bed to sleep in at my mother’s house and he made me leave anyways. — His decision was not impulsive but deliberate as he discussed our relationship with his mother and sister but nothing with me. We were together 4 and a half years and lived together for over 2+ (he’s actually just sold his house). — His dad is a fully blown alcoholic and his mother is not much better so I’m very conscious of leaving my son alone with them. I understand that our relationship which is still a shock / traumatic is irrelevant to the courts regarding the wellbeing of our son. I am hoping to start counselling / therapy soon but it’s very hard raising a newborn alone. I do not trust him or his family who enabled his behaviour. He is 31 years old so there is no excuse and I am 27 years old. He is a very selfish and an immature man child and I would never get back with him but it’s important to me that I let him at least try and make an effort with our son. I have remained respectful and there has been no shouting or arguments because at the end of the day he made his choice. He stepped away when we needed him so that’s why I need boundaries and consistency via the courts. Child maintenance is also via the services but this does not start until the 1st November so I am paying for everything alone so far. I did not push my ex away he just refused to step up when needed. It’s not punishment but actions speak louder than words. There was no attempt to try and work on our relationship which I didn’t know had problems. His excuse was he no longer loved me, accordingly made each other unhappy and it hadn’t been working for a while. It was his choice to leave at such a vulnerable time of my life and he has been blocked on my phone. Thank you in advance x

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 29/09/2025 17:05

I also feel extremely lonely and ashamed that this has happened to me so please be kind x

OP posts:

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 18:48

There are a million and one things that I could go into here and for the fear of entering "lecture" mode I will try to keep my response short and to the point.

First issue you have is knowingly excluding the fathers details from the birth certificate. If you have entered another name on the birth certificate then that would be giving false information which is viewed quite seriously by a court so my hope is it's "father unknown".

As for, presumably your main request, your partners rights, he has none currently as he is not named on the birth certificate. However, if he decided to request a paternity test then the court would confirm whether he is the father and the birth certificate would be amended accordingly. You have no right to refuse any of this.

If you have already admitted to the court he is the father, things will simply go from this point in respect to his request which you will likely receive in due course.

If, for example, he has requested access to the child then the court will consider what you respond with, what he has already said and the timings of such things like how old the child is, whether he has ever been in contact with the child, etc. Usually, for a child so young, overnight contact wouldn't likely be considered until the child is at least 2 years old, unless he has already had substantial access to the child and provided primary/secondary care but I don't believe that to be the case. Therefore, it's likely to be through a day centre to begin with on his own and thereafter (some months) a daytime contact order where he takes the child away and spends much of the day with him/her.

After this, it depends on how everything has went in respect to the previous contacts but normally a court would be looking to share the parental responsibilities equally in an ideal situation. Again, it depends on what is practical for each parent and the child. If your ex works, it would likely be weekends, if he doesn't it would likely be 50/50 contact. Essentially, after the point where the child is considered too young to be away from the primary caregiver, the court would likely agree to a 50/50 contact if that's what your ex requests so it's important to understand that and accept it should your ex be keen enough to request it and the child be happy to be in his company. That really can be the best outcome for the child, despite the challenges you both have had thus far.

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 18:57

Why would you assume the OP would have fraudulently added another man to the birth certificate as the father?
In the UK unmarried fathers have to attend the registration of their child to be added to the birth certificate. Since they weren’t speaking at that point, OP obviously went alone. That doesn’t mean the father has been recorded as ´unknown’ or as a different man.

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:01

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 18:48

There are a million and one things that I could go into here and for the fear of entering "lecture" mode I will try to keep my response short and to the point.

First issue you have is knowingly excluding the fathers details from the birth certificate. If you have entered another name on the birth certificate then that would be giving false information which is viewed quite seriously by a court so my hope is it's "father unknown".

As for, presumably your main request, your partners rights, he has none currently as he is not named on the birth certificate. However, if he decided to request a paternity test then the court would confirm whether he is the father and the birth certificate would be amended accordingly. You have no right to refuse any of this.

If you have already admitted to the court he is the father, things will simply go from this point in respect to his request which you will likely receive in due course.

If, for example, he has requested access to the child then the court will consider what you respond with, what he has already said and the timings of such things like how old the child is, whether he has ever been in contact with the child, etc. Usually, for a child so young, overnight contact wouldn't likely be considered until the child is at least 2 years old, unless he has already had substantial access to the child and provided primary/secondary care but I don't believe that to be the case. Therefore, it's likely to be through a day centre to begin with on his own and thereafter (some months) a daytime contact order where he takes the child away and spends much of the day with him/her.

After this, it depends on how everything has went in respect to the previous contacts but normally a court would be looking to share the parental responsibilities equally in an ideal situation. Again, it depends on what is practical for each parent and the child. If your ex works, it would likely be weekends, if he doesn't it would likely be 50/50 contact. Essentially, after the point where the child is considered too young to be away from the primary caregiver, the court would likely agree to a 50/50 contact if that's what your ex requests so it's important to understand that and accept it should your ex be keen enough to request it and the child be happy to be in his company. That really can be the best outcome for the child, despite the challenges you both have had thus far.

Edited

Thank you, the father has been left blank on my son’s birth certificate.

My solicitor has said overnight stays will be likely 6 months after contact has ever made. I was quite shocked but it does give me that bit of a break and since I don’t breastfeed there is no excuse. My ex does work full time as do I so I’m not sure exactly how this will work further down the line yet as he won’t be having every weekend.

I still cannot get my head around someone who could do this, whilst pregnant and long term partner of over 4+ years.

Thank you for your response.

OP posts:

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:02

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 18:57

Why would you assume the OP would have fraudulently added another man to the birth certificate as the father?
In the UK unmarried fathers have to attend the registration of their child to be added to the birth certificate. Since they weren’t speaking at that point, OP obviously went alone. That doesn’t mean the father has been recorded as ´unknown’ or as a different man.

Thank you, that’s exactly right.

I went alone and the father is left blank on my son’s birth certificate.

OP posts:

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:04

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 18:57

Why would you assume the OP would have fraudulently added another man to the birth certificate as the father?
In the UK unmarried fathers have to attend the registration of their child to be added to the birth certificate. Since they weren’t speaking at that point, OP obviously went alone. That doesn’t mean the father has been recorded as ´unknown’ or as a different man.

I assume based on what she said. She said he wasn't allowed to be at the birth, which would indicate to me that he wanted to be but was denied. I would then conclude if he wanted to be a part of the birth, he could naturally want to part of the birth certificate.

When all the information isn't available, or is one sided, assumptions are often the only realistic form of reply to get the other facts that could make a difference and open up the conversation.

Autisticburnouthell · 14/10/2025 19:05

In what way was he abusive? Why did the relationship break down?

TheBlueHotel · 14/10/2025 19:05

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:04

I assume based on what she said. She said he wasn't allowed to be at the birth, which would indicate to me that he wanted to be but was denied. I would then conclude if he wanted to be a part of the birth, he could naturally want to part of the birth certificate.

When all the information isn't available, or is one sided, assumptions are often the only realistic form of reply to get the other facts that could make a difference and open up the conversation.

Edited

Show quote history

What a weird response

TheBlueHotel · 14/10/2025 19:06

OP try not to worry. They won't order 50/50 or anything like for a long time. However you should consider how to introduce contact for the baby with him, because the court will order it based on what you've said, and they may not be impressed that you've denied any contact so far without evidence of a very good reason. Are there any police reports? Any DV service support?

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:08

TheBlueHotel · 14/10/2025 19:05

What a weird response

Show quote history

It really isn't, let's try and help the OP instead of making this about what we know and don't or what we understand and don't.

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:09

TheBlueHotel · 14/10/2025 19:06

OP try not to worry. They won't order 50/50 or anything like for a long time. However you should consider how to introduce contact for the baby with him, because the court will order it based on what you've said, and they may not be impressed that you've denied any contact so far without evidence of a very good reason. Are there any police reports? Any DV service support?

Thank you, I haven’t allowed access due to domestic abuse which I am currently on antidepressants and going through couselling for a period of time. My GP has willingly agreed to provide a letter / statement of how this has impacted me should the court need to see evidence.

OP posts:

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:10

Autisticburnouthell · 14/10/2025 19:05

In what way was he abusive? Why did the relationship break down?

I don’t know why the relationship broke down he didn’t want to talk about it or work on things. There was no arguing or shouting all he told me was he fell out of love with me and he said we made each other unhappy. I was 6 months pregnant when he asked me to leave with no notice. There was no obscene back story on my part such as cheating, he simply didn’t want to try.

OP posts:

titchy · 14/10/2025 19:11

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 18:48

There are a million and one things that I could go into here and for the fear of entering "lecture" mode I will try to keep my response short and to the point.

First issue you have is knowingly excluding the fathers details from the birth certificate. If you have entered another name on the birth certificate then that would be giving false information which is viewed quite seriously by a court so my hope is it's "father unknown".

As for, presumably your main request, your partners rights, he has none currently as he is not named on the birth certificate. However, if he decided to request a paternity test then the court would confirm whether he is the father and the birth certificate would be amended accordingly. You have no right to refuse any of this.

If you have already admitted to the court he is the father, things will simply go from this point in respect to his request which you will likely receive in due course.

If, for example, he has requested access to the child then the court will consider what you respond with, what he has already said and the timings of such things like how old the child is, whether he has ever been in contact with the child, etc. Usually, for a child so young, overnight contact wouldn't likely be considered until the child is at least 2 years old, unless he has already had substantial access to the child and provided primary/secondary care but I don't believe that to be the case. Therefore, it's likely to be through a day centre to begin with on his own and thereafter (some months) a daytime contact order where he takes the child away and spends much of the day with him/her.

After this, it depends on how everything has went in respect to the previous contacts but normally a court would be looking to share the parental responsibilities equally in an ideal situation. Again, it depends on what is practical for each parent and the child. If your ex works, it would likely be weekends, if he doesn't it would likely be 50/50 contact. Essentially, after the point where the child is considered too young to be away from the primary caregiver, the court would likely agree to a 50/50 contact if that's what your ex requests so it's important to understand that and accept it should your ex be keen enough to request it and the child be happy to be in his company. That really can be the best outcome for the child, despite the challenges you both have had thus far.

Edited

She didn’t knowingly exclude him FFS. Unless he registered the birth physically with her she couldn’t legally add him.

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 19:12

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:04

I assume based on what she said. She said he wasn't allowed to be at the birth, which would indicate to me that he wanted to be but was denied. I would then conclude if he wanted to be a part of the birth, he could naturally want to part of the birth certificate.

When all the information isn't available, or is one sided, assumptions are often the only realistic form of reply to get the other facts that could make a difference and open up the conversation.

Edited

Show quote history

Your assumption shows you don’t understand the UK law around registering births though.
Fathers have no legal rights whatsoever to witness the birth of their kids. Births in hospitals are considered medical care for the mother and so she has final say over who is present.

Autisticburnouthell · 14/10/2025 19:13

How was he abusive? Did you report this is any services at the time?

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:14

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 19:12

Your assumption shows you don’t understand the UK law around registering births though.
Fathers have no legal rights whatsoever to witness the birth of their kids. Births in hospitals are considered medical care for the mother and so she has final say over who is present.

Show quote history

Exactly, thank you.

He didn’t support me or help so why should I allow him to see me that vulnerable if he wasn’t going to help with the hard bits.

OP posts:

titchy · 14/10/2025 19:14

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:04

I assume based on what she said. She said he wasn't allowed to be at the birth, which would indicate to me that he wanted to be but was denied. I would then conclude if he wanted to be a part of the birth, he could naturally want to part of the birth certificate.

When all the information isn't available, or is one sided, assumptions are often the only realistic form of reply to get the other facts that could make a difference and open up the conversation.

Edited

Show quote history

You suggested she could have added someone else - which the registrar wouldn’t allow. So hopefully OP will take your posts with a pinch of salt.

Original poster

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:15

Autisticburnouthell · 14/10/2025 19:13

How was he abusive? Did you report this is any services at the time?

He wasn’t physically or sexually abuse he was emotionally, physiologically and financially abusive. Which has been recorded and I have evidence for the courts.

This still falls under domestic abuse and should not matter if it wasn’t physical.

OP posts:

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 14/10/2025 19:15

He has no PR.
OP, my kids’ father lost his PR (very rare to lose it after having had it, but lose it he did). I’ll link you to a helpful page which should set your mind at ease.
Without PR, your ex cannot make any decisions for your child. He can apply to the court but he’s not in any position of power here. DM me any questions you might have regarding PR/court/CAFCASS and I’ll help you as much as I’m able to.

www.tayntons.co.uk/fathers-without-parental-responsibility-what-you-need-to-know/

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:16

Newmum1998x · 14/10/2025 19:01

Thank you, the father has been left blank on my son’s birth certificate.

My solicitor has said overnight stays will be likely 6 months after contact has ever made. I was quite shocked but it does give me that bit of a break and since I don’t breastfeed there is no excuse. My ex does work full time as do I so I’m not sure exactly how this will work further down the line yet as he won’t be having every weekend.

I still cannot get my head around someone who could do this, whilst pregnant and long term partner of over 4+ years.

Thank you for your response.

Show quote history

Unless your solicitor has access to all the responses from both sides he or she has absolutely no way of knowing when overnight stays will be granted. It can be very different from one order to the next but the general consensus would be around the 1.5 - 2 yr age based on previous contact.

If your ex hasn't yet met the child, overnight access will likely be more in the 2yr range as it can take many months for discussions and appearances to begin at court, therefore the presumption is your child will likely be closer to 1yr old by the time anything is formulated from a court and the court will want to see how contact goes before rushing into any decision especially when dealing with estranged parents.

If the relationship between you both has broken down severely to the point you both will not communicate with each other, you need to change that and quickly because the court will want to see you both making an effort and could likely even request you both attend mediation. If it's going to happen, it's likely in everyone's interests, including the child, to embrace and support it. If he's an idiot, then that will be obvious to everyone, if he genuinely regrets his decisions and wants a relationship with his child, surely everyone wins in the end.

vincettenoir · 14/10/2025 19:21

He has never been a resident parent or paid any maintenance so it seems extremely unlikely a court would order 50% contact. Would your ex even want this? I think the action will be geared towards setting up a feasible contact arrangement where he is introduced to the baby slowly.

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:23

titchy · 14/10/2025 19:14

You suggested she could have added someone else - which the registrar wouldn’t allow. So hopefully OP will take your posts with a pinch of salt.

Show quote history

How does a registrar determine if a male, in attendance of a birth registration, is indeed the biological father or not?.

soupyspoon · 14/10/2025 19:23

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:04

I assume based on what she said. She said he wasn't allowed to be at the birth, which would indicate to me that he wanted to be but was denied. I would then conclude if he wanted to be a part of the birth, he could naturally want to part of the birth certificate.

When all the information isn't available, or is one sided, assumptions are often the only realistic form of reply to get the other facts that could make a difference and open up the conversation.

Edited

Show quote history

Your reply to OP and also this one makes no sense whatsoever

So what if she didnt want him at the birth and 'denied' him. She can have whoever she wants at the birth. She can also have him or not at the registration that is also up to her and incredibly common.

There was absolutely no indication at all that a fraudulent entry of some random blokes name was made on the certificate, that is a bizarre thing to assume or say or wonder about.

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:25

soupyspoon · 14/10/2025 19:23

Your reply to OP and also this one makes no sense whatsoever

So what if she didnt want him at the birth and 'denied' him. She can have whoever she wants at the birth. She can also have him or not at the registration that is also up to her and incredibly common.

There was absolutely no indication at all that a fraudulent entry of some random blokes name was made on the certificate, that is a bizarre thing to assume or say or wonder about.

Show quote history

The OP has no issue with my assumptions, I find it strange that everyone else that cannot contribute to the discussion or offer advice has.

markopolo2002 · 14/10/2025 19:34

Kindlealltheway · 14/10/2025 19:12

Your assumption shows you don’t understand the UK law around registering births though.
Fathers have no legal rights whatsoever to witness the birth of their kids. Births in hospitals are considered medical care for the mother and so she has final say over who is present.

Show quote history

Where did I say it was the "law" for a father to be at a birth?.

Family court / Cafcass looking for some advice please.

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