Breastfeeding toddler choosing boob over food - husband and I not seeing eye to eye.

[Tinyearlgrey]

My 20 month DS has stopped napping at his childminder so when he gets home he is absolutely exhausted, screaming, having a melt down and all he wants is the boob. When it’s me and him at home, I’ll breastfeed him and sometimes take him straight to bed or he’ll boob then have dinner. My DH working pattern has changed so now he can bring DS home, DS is in the same state but now DH insists I don’t breastfeed him because he should be eating dinner. DH has been asking me to go upstairs and hide from DS so he doesn’t see me and gets upset meaning he eats his dinner (this has worked once after he cried for about 45 mins then relented and ate his dinner). We co-sleep and DS has never slept through the night, but I barely wake when he night feeds anymore as he has free access to the boob. DH thinks that breast milk won’t keep him full enough for overnight so he must eat food, hence his insistence on DS eating his dinner.

This evening was awful, DS was screaming and screaming for me and “milkies”, DH said I wasn’t to breastfeed him and just wait for him to calm down and eat his dinner. He cried and cried and cried and I ended up going upstairs crying too because everything in my body was telling me to feed my baby and comfort him, but I felt like I couldn’t because my husband told me not too. DH isn’t violent or abusive, he’s academically very clever and I feel like he holds this over me….

How do I even approach this? Am I damaging my little one by prioritising breastfeeding him rather than having dinner at night?

Talk to your husband, is there a deeper issue here? If you want to breastfeed as soon as your son comes home, explain that and why. Come to a compromise. Dinner at the childminders, small snack when home etc it sounds like the two of you are coming from two very different parenting pages, and both are ok.

Child is 20mo. This is normal. I bf 2 kids beyond 2yo and I would have bf my child until they calmed down. And then would have had dinner or even gone straight to bed and had a big breakfast.

Your DH needs to back off and let you mother your child. Why is he insisting on controlling a clearly deregulated 20mo? Why would he deny you using your fantastic mothering tool?

you mention he is not violent or abusive. Why?

is he controlling? If he is you need to get you and your baby away from him as it will only get worse.

suggest you confide in someone in real life, if u have not already. Your family? Best mate? Health visitor? Child minder? GP? Ladies at your local toddler bf meet up.

best of luck. Please trust your instincts and your mothering skills. And use them.

Not instead of meals though. DD is 10m and guidance is she should be eating 3 meals a day, so definitely applies to a nearly 2 year old. I am bf, not criticising extended bf in general but it should be alongside a healthy balanced diet, not instead of.

I've got a few kids so I know my bf baby sleeping through at four months is unusual - but all my DC have slept through by about seven months. I really don't think OP should be bfing overnight at 20 months, both OP and her kid will be getting terrible sleep!

Co sleeping and longer term breastfeeding are not only prevalent in "third world" countries. And they are indeed prevalent in other countries where both parents go to work. Again, please inform yourself before spouting misinformation. This is why our rates in the UK are SO low comparatively and why so many women feel they have to choose between breastfeeding and returning to work.

Op herself has stated that she sleeps through the night and that cosleeping has been working for her thus far. What you are in fact advocating for, let's be honest, is moving towards some form of sleep training and weaning. When there are other potential solutions here which have been suggested and which you appear keen to gloss over - why is that?

You can't comment on her child's nutritional intake because you do not know what that is, as I've said before. You do not have a complete picture of what he's eaten across the day. He may be eating more in comparison to other toddlers his age just at different times. So unless there is a concern for weight gain or growth etc then this isn't a significant cause for concern if he's otherwise eating well.

I didn't comment about her establishing breastfeeding, I was talking about maintaining it which is important when you're down to a reduced amount of feeds given op is back to work.

'A wound up, stressed and fractious child' amazing to me that you can recognise this is where the child is at, and yet your only solution is to remove the main source of comfort the child has. It's ops decision when and how quickly to wean. Many, many people wean at their child's pace in an attempt to help their child avoid the distress that can occur with weaning and it's not for anyone on here to dictate that this is something op needs to be doing. There is no reason why op couldn't advocate for a substantial snack/ small meal at the childminders before her child gets collected and an earlier bedtime.

What a nasty thing to say about a mum who is doing her best simply for daring to prioritise her child's needs.

I know you say your DH isn't abusive but he actually sounds like he could be. Does he often tell you what to do? Was he angry? Did he listen to your opinion? The line about him being very clever also worries ma. My exDP was an abuser. He had a PhD and was always telling me how much cleverer he was than me, even though I am university educated