My teen would rather live with his dad than contribute to bills when earning

[VividGreen]

Short overview, my 15 soon to be 16 year old intends to do apprenticeship after secondary, I'm disabled low earnings, not with his dad. I explained I would need him to contribute financially as will loose alot and not be able to support him. He wants to live with his dad instead who has a one bed flat. Any advice on how to respond to this, son refusing to discuss.

This! He's 15! Of course he's immature - he's in his mid teens.

I’m sure she will find that advice very helpful.

Op has described living in a 3 bed house but hasn’t confirmed if anyone else is living there. I would be downsizing and lowering my costs before I charged my 16 year old rent etc.

There are also lots of ways that DS can contribute as well as buy his own stuff eg she can ask him to do a little food shop and teach him how to cook meals.

It is not making up the difference its contributing, what I would loose is a fair bit more than I would ask for, as said just enough to make ends meet not a penny more. I would still buy food. My ds thinks the maintenance his dad pays me is enough to live at his dad's at that wd stop along with benefits. I'm not in a position to find a way to make money or I would. I did not choose to b in my situation as many ppl may think.

Let him go. Entitled

Is it entitled for a child to expect their parent/s to house them?

I would take what he’s saying with a pinch of salt. A lot can change in a year. This time last year my 16 year old was convinced he wanted to do an apprenticeship after school finished. Now he’s just enrolled in a 2 year college course in a totally different field. So what your boy wants now might be totally different to what actually ends up happening.

Planned accordingly is not that simple. Downsizing I've been trying to do for 3 years but trying to get a property when I'm already in "adequate accommodation " is pretty much impossible.

It is entitled to expect a parent to house and FEED them when they are earning money yes.

He should definitely contribute once on an apprenticeship. He will bring home around a thousand a month so £250 for his keep isn't unreasonable.

Lots of posters here with absolutely no idea what it’s like to be in the OP’s shoes. If your only motive is to make someone feel shit about themselves why don’t you log off and find something more useful to do? In what way are these comments helping?

Thank you @MrsBennetsPoorNerves

She's said what she's going to do when he moves out. Downsize.

And I imagine there's limited options, given her disability, to magically increase her income through employment.

I will need DD to contribute when she leaves education. Far less than the cost of a house share, but I am on a low income and will lose Child Benefit and the 25% off Council Tax. I can't afford to fund that.

Plus, if she moved out I would downsize and that would pay off most of the mortgage and so lower my costs.

I don't want her to move out, because I enjoy having her around, but in reality I can't afford to lose the £250 or so of CB and CT. Plus, if she's earning i think it is reasonable to contribute to her food, electricity etc.

It wouldn't be what she would pay in a houseshare, just as her household chores are less. But it is reasonable to ask a child earning money to contribute.

In fact, my mother expected us to contribute 10% of our earnings as soon as we earned, including teenage babysitting. I didn't have a problem with it - everyone earning contributed. The amounts were miniscule, but it was an important principle.

This.

I Am very grateful for the support, some people not in my situation or having experienced it are not able to understand the predicament I'm in which I do understand.

At what point does it stop? Your child can still expect to be housed and fed when they are 50?

What would your plan have been if he’d decided to do A levels (ie not earning)?

Presumably she wouldn't be losing her benefits then, because he'd still be in education.

Doing A levels until 18 would not affect her benefits

If you live in a 3-bed now, who has the third room?

There seem to be a lot of sople who don’t understand how tight finances are once you are disabled/have NO choice but to rely on benefits.

Once her DS is classed as an earning adult, she loses his child benefit, gets housing benefit reduced, loses tax credits etc - she gets financially penalised for having spare rooms. She could potentially lose more than half of her already low income.

How exactly is she supposed to make up for that? Only fans? Or does she have to choose whether to pay rent this month or the electric? So that her son doesn’t have to learn about reality. Ffs.

Oh, and preparing for benefits ending? How? You are penalised for savings until you’ve run through them, then an extra six week window without benefits before they restart. Great.

And how exactly would you go about downsizing if there were no suitable properties available? And how would you go about lowering costs if you were already struggling to get by on a low income?

I think some people are just clueless about how hard life can actually be. The OP has said that she can't afford to support her son if her benefits are recalculated on the basis of him no longer being her dependant. She is disabled and she can't increase her income. What do you want her to do? Stop eating?

Thank you.

Are you in social housing? I would hope swapping for a 1 bed would be easy. 3 bed for a 2 bed probably not as easy.