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Original poster

Does anybody regret having children?

57 replies

2fishleft · 29/05/2008 14:34

I do

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scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 14:35

whats the matter?

learningallthetime · 29/05/2008 14:36

poor child

solo · 29/05/2008 14:38

Not really, but occasionally I think of the things I could do, plus I wouldn't have ill health, I'd be more wealthy, have holidays, posh sports car, but I wouldn't have had all these wonderful experiences...erm...why do you?

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nickytwotimes · 29/05/2008 14:38

I think when times are tough it can be a fleeting thought for most people. I don't regret it - he is ace, even when he's driving me crazy, lol!
if you are fwwling this bad, there must be something up. What's going on?

Original poster
2fishleft · 29/05/2008 14:39

DS is just completely unmanageable for 24 hours a day and I can't cope with him. It's not just me over-reacting, other people have agreed with me. Now that they're here I wouldn't be without them, of course, but if I knew what it would've been like I would never have done it

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Hulababy · 29/05/2008 14:39

How sad for you and your child/ren. Have you thought about why you feel that, and if tehre is anything you can do to improve the way you feel?

lilolilmanchester · 29/05/2008 14:39

2fishleft, come back and talk it through

expatinscotland · 29/05/2008 14:40

In all honesty, if I could go back about 12 years and know all that I do now, I'd do things differently.

I'll say that much.

Spero · 29/05/2008 14:40

I think if people are honest, I bet a lot at least some of the time do regret it at odd moments.

nothing can be wonderful, insipiring and fabulous all the time.

It doesn't mean you don't love your children or you are not a good mother. I think regrets about all sorts of things are perfectly natural.

Its only a worry if it turns into something consuming that you can't deal with.

jammi · 29/05/2008 14:41

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lilolilmanchester · 29/05/2008 14:41

x-posts. Lots of support on here to try to help you through this. And we don't need people judging you here, some DCs are more difficult than others.

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 14:41

do you think he has behavioural issues? have you seen a gp?

Original poster
2fishleft · 29/05/2008 14:42

I think I will be glad I had him when DS is older (he's 9 mo) but he is simply unbearable at the moment. What an awful thing to have to admit

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jammi · 29/05/2008 14:42

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scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 14:42

my ds1 (6) is very difficult sometimes; he is dyspraxic and doesnt understand some things.

terrier141 · 29/05/2008 14:42

I dont regret it but I do find it incredibly difficult - its not something that has come naturally to me. Find it stressful a lot of the time - just wish I had more patience! Wont be without them and we are actually ttc at the moment - so i cant really feel as bad as im making out!

Spero · 29/05/2008 14:43

Is it a medical/physical condition? can you get help from your LA, some respite care? If you are the one dealing with it 24/7 then no wonder you feel the way you do. Get as much help as you can. Even a short break from it may help loads.

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 14:43

he is 9mo?

Lazycow · 29/05/2008 14:43

Well I cerainly do sometimes.

For many and complex reasons. I regret not having children earlier but given that I didn't I think having DS probably wasn't the greatest idea both for him and for me. Especially given that he will be an only child now.

I still adore him and don't regret having him in my life, but I know I could have had as good a life without children. It would have been different but I don't think it would have been worse.

Original poster
2fishleft · 29/05/2008 14:46

Yes, 9mo. I haven't been told that anything is wrong with him so far, but I am beginning to think that it might be. He will not nap during the day, will not sleep at night, will not eat food, will not drink milk, is never content, won't even lay down to have his nappy changed without screaming... I could go on...

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cestlavie · 29/05/2008 14:47

2fishleft: what does your DP think (assuming you have one)?

scorpio1 · 29/05/2008 14:47

it does get easier. he is at that stage of clinginess, all my 3 did similar but are fine now.

can someone help you? can he go to a nursery or friends?

Spero · 29/05/2008 14:49

hopefully he will get easier as he gets older and can communicate with you. but in the meantime, get as much help as you can from any available source, otherwise there is a risk your regrets will turn into something worse.

Get a second opinion in case there is something wrong, he might be in pain over something?

wessexgirl · 29/05/2008 14:50

Has he been difficult since birth, 2fish? Does HV have any ideas?

Original poster
2fishleft · 29/05/2008 14:51

I have a lot of help from my mum (so I shouldn't moan, I know!) but I still just find him unbearably hard. He's been this way since he was born and all I'm doing is wishing his babyhood away, which makes me really sad. I think it's all down to his lack of sleep - he is permanently exhausted because he doesn't sleep and so he's constantly miserable.

DP finds him a nightmare too but he doesn't have that whole 'despair' thing about it all that I do - he never gets wound up by anything.

I did go to my GP a few months back about my inability to cope but all she could suggest was to go to Pilates

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