Ive just found some dummies in my 12 year old daughters bed

[MyQuickPearlLeader]

Hi i made shocking find yesterday morning when I was changing my daughters bedding to find 4 dummies stuffed in her pillowcase. She was very attached to her dummies when she was younger she had a dummy until about 6 ( I know it should of been gone long before but she really struggled with self comfort and at the time I thought it was the right thing to let her keep it) she gave it up quite easily then I just dont understand why she has started using them again. I left the dummies there and the bedding as it was. I haven't spoke to her yet as I dont know how to approach it :( please be kind :(

do you ever look in on her at night?

You need to talk to her gently and find another solution together that might help.

My DD sucked her thumb when she slept, until she was 14, there wasn’t much I could do about it.

I would gently talk to her, find out if this is a recent thing, is she worried about something and felt she needed extra comfort?

I do occasionally but only a quick glance to see if she's on her phone or not

I remember in secondary school the girls went through a really strange phase of having dummies?? This does just sound like she’s using them in the night though. Honestly I’d fine it harmless and probably not mention it

It's a phase I think a lot of preteen girls go through.
I remember back in my day they were all doing it because of baby spice. I thought it was ridiculous, but I was that bit older.

Let her know you found them and tell her it's not hygienic to keep them in her pillow. Other than that I wouldn't do much else.

This was a thing when I was at secondary school in year 8 I think. Some girls were getting dummies. I think it might have been some sort of regression stage, wanting to be little again. It didn’t last long.

How is she buying them? I would have thought it strange in a ship to see a child buying them!

I would tell her that she could be ruining her teeth and end up looking like Goofy so they all need to go in the bin.

i started sucking my thumb at 15, randomly

I can understand your shock, but it may not be as worrying as you think. When I was a baby I used to self soothe by sucking my tongue (kind of curling my tongue to the roof of my mouth, gently resting my teeth on the sides of my tongue and then doing a sucking motion). I continued doing this well into my 20s, possibly even my 30s. Any time I was tired or ill, or couldn’t relax, I would do this to self soothe 🤣 So I think the need to self soothe or get comfort from the sucking motion may be something that is completely normal for some of us, and perhaps going through puberty, the highs and lows of friendships and navigating the pre-teen/teen years might be contributing to her feeling a little lost or needing some reassuring comfort.

I remember that phase aswell lol I was a bit odd wasn't it

Sorry but why shocking and worrying?

I get it might be surprising considering they are usually for young children. But it's not causing any harm. She'll probably grow out of it. Maybe she just finds it comforting? As said a lot of children suck their fingers, thumb or hair in private at that age. Dummies at least are less likely to transmit things like worms and viruses from her hands.

I sucked my thumb until I was 14 and then just stopped. I have no idea why just wasn’t interested any more.

She has her phone in her room at night?
And you’re concerned about finding dummies?

She gets 50 pound of pocket money off me and her dad monthly. And we dont live far from town, it's probably around a 10 minute walk

Try not to be too shocked, it’s not as rare as you think.
As pp have suggested, I’d talk to her gently about what you have found and see what she says. Does she have any worries or fears? Would it help if you were to sit with her each night at bedtime for a short while to give her a cuddle (if she’ll let you).
A phone in the bedroom at night would be a hard no from me at this age. They can access so much disturbing stuff on there plus it’s just too stimulating to have phone use before bedtime, particularly for kids.

She gets 50 pound of pocket money off me and her dad monthly. And we dont live far from town, it's probably around a 10 minute walk, thats a little harsh :( as i dont know what to say or do or why she's using them :(

Yes she uses her phone as an alarm?

I can see how the natural first thought is- ooh that’s a bit odd. But in reality what actual harm is there? Do what you like in the privacy of your own room as long as it’s not hurting you or anyone else.

We had this at our school too! 2008/2009 ish. I always wondered if it was just our school or something spread by social media.

Do you monitor her phone ?

I think I would buy her an alarm clock and remove the phone, for charging, at night. Either ask her about the dummies or teach her to change her own bed.

Oh really? I thought it would be, thats interesting too know. Ive never really heard of it happening before.. thats a good idea to be fair :) I didn't think a soft approach would be effective we have a great mother daughter relationship and as far as I'm aware she's not having a troubles she would normally say if there's something bothering her. Understand what you mean by the phone but she does only use it as an alarm and her phone is also content blocked. Ive a rule that she don't use it a hour before sleep

But her an alarm clock! There’s no way she should have her phone in her room at night.