Ive just found some dummies in my 12 year old daughters bed

[MyQuickPearlLeader]

Hi i made shocking find yesterday morning when I was changing my daughters bedding to find 4 dummies stuffed in her pillowcase. She was very attached to her dummies when she was younger she had a dummy until about 6 ( I know it should of been gone long before but she really struggled with self comfort and at the time I thought it was the right thing to let her keep it) she gave it up quite easily then I just dont understand why she has started using them again. I left the dummies there and the bedding as it was. I haven't spoke to her yet as I dont know how to approach it :( please be kind :(

How did peeps ever manage to wake up in time for school /work before mobiles became the norm?
A cheap alarm clock run on a battery won't cost much.

I think many 12 year olds still suck on something - blanket, teddy but they don't tell people.
She's obviously getting some comfort from it.

I doubt they can harm her teeth at this stage and she's presumably using them briefly before falling asleep rather than all night long? Maybe look in on her first to see how she is using them. If she's isn't using them all night, I'd like to think I wouldn't say anything, although in reality I know at some stage I'd mention it casually.

I'd rather find dummies than vaping kit, 12 is still a very young age and if it's a comfort thing then I wouldn't get too het up about it, there are worse things in life. I'd probably talk to her about it so it's not such a secret, showing openness, honesty and understanding.

That’s a really odd thing to say: she’s 12.
Even if there’s no harm, her parents have every right to know what’s going on, like where the dummy came from and why she’s using it.
It’s genuinely concerning how many people think it’s better not to bring it up.

Since when did parenting mean stepping back and calling it “privacy”? She’s a child—not an adult.

That was a thing in our high school too. It’s such an odd trend I remember laughing with a friend as it happened in her high school too I wonder if it comes around every few years.

I agree. I take my 16 year old’s phone away at bed time. It’s almost impossible for kids to regulate their phone time, and they really need their sleep. My teens’ phones are buzzing and lighting up all the time, with all the social media they follow. I didn’t let DS1 keep his in his bedroom till he’d done his final A level exam!

I don't think it's any kind of big deal. It's just a mildly fascinating, comfort thing. I remember doing this when I was growing up. She'll get over it.

Definitely yes to an alarm clock, not her phone. Please also don't say 'should of.' That is completely wrong and extremely annoying! It's should have, or should've for short.

I hate to suggest this but is there any possibility she's being groomed by anyone who has requested photos of her with dummies etc. The content blocks on phones are often bypassed by children quite easily, like switching the time on the device etc.

Just came on to mention is there any chance something sinister is going on with perverts online asking for photos of her sucking a dummy?

Might be worth a thorough trawl through her phone.

In front of her, at home, say you are just popping upstairs to get her bedding to wash, see how she reacts. I don't understand how parents still think it's ok for young teenagers to have phones in their room at night. Get an alarm clock asap.

I would also be more concerned with this OP
The phone could cause disturbed / low quality sleep at the very least if she has screen time before bed.

I understand she uses it as an alarm but a simple alarm clock could be good as well.

I don't think the dummy will do her any real harm, and as others have mentioned it could just be a phase : )

Controversial but I wouldn’t say much for a little while . That’s her hiding place and you’ve found it, say nothing and see if anything else turns up . Just keep an eye for a while and try and find out if anything is troubling her generally in the meantime.

I remember my friend and I buying a baby bottle each and drinking squash out of it - was probably 15?!

In the play therapy room, if a child over the usual bottle or soother age started to use them, it would definitely be something to note. Perhaps a wish to return to a younger age, a need for oral based soothing, possibly an issue from around the age of typical use.. so it could be any range of things. I would gently bring it up in a v open and non-judgemental way and 100% yes to no phone at night.

I think it’s fine. Only like soothing herself with a sweet or snuggling in a duvet.

Candle clocks during the night, sundials or hourglasses during the day, and a rooster to divide night into day. Bob’s your uncle.

Sorry to add to the chorus but my 12yo would not be having a phone in their bedroom at night. Even if nothing bad is going on or no usage before bed, it's good to cut that reflex to look at it first thing.

Hi sorry I've been out all day, times have changed now who uses a battery alarm clock? I dont

More and more parents who are doing their best to protect their children from phone dependency and addiction are switching to other ways of alarms, playing music etc

I know. I'm not sure what to think at the minute

Yep I have a 12 yr old DD and I am a bit of a hippie dippie/ permissive parent, but her phone goes in our room at bedtime and she has a battery run alarm clock for morning alarm.

Your DD has a device which anyone in the world can interact with her on …..Allowing her to have it overnight in her bedroom is foolish and irresponsible.

Maybe try trusting your teenagers with their phones. Jesus. So over the top.

Depends on how much she’s using them it can be really bad for your teeth . I would ask her openly about them . Yes she may be embarrassed but you want her to know she can talk to you about anything

Tbh I'd feel the same as you op. I would be concerned. For self soothing she cold play a children's bed time mediation on an Alexa or similar, if she needs something to fall asleep.

I think this does warrant a discussion but tact will need to be employed big time. If she begins to feel shamed she will shut down and you won't be able to have a meaningful discussion. The first discussion should ideally centre around why? ( The how, is obvious she's buying them with pocket money.) I wouldn't give much away after the first discussion. You'll need to process whatever her reasons are.

This long term can not be good for teeth or her palette. But tbh I don't know. Only thinking about it from a younger child using them.

Where you go from the first conversation will have ve led by what was discussed and possibly offering her some solutions.

I'm totally at a loss here. But I'd follow my instincts and try to be guided by her and some research into the benefits if any and the harm it may cause. She's old enough I feel to have this type of discussion if she's old enough to responsibly have a phone and spending money.

If she was older I would 100% say it's drug related. We all had one around our necks in the late 90s early 00s in the raving scene. I highly doubt at 12 it would be that though.

I use a battery alarm clock.
They're cheap and better for a teen than having a phone in their room all night.
Or failing that get a plug in radio alarm clock.