Husband wants to take son away for a few nights

[Motherof1and2dogs]

My Husbands Dad and that side of his family live just under a 5 hour drive away and he wants to take our son who will be 3 in September to his Dads for a few nights. I have always said to my husband I would only feel comfortable with this when he fully understands and can communicate to say if he wants to go home, is having the best time, misses mummy or is able to have a bit more of a conversation before he takes him away, and he isn’t this advanced just yet. I am very clingy to my son because he is so clingy to me, I have only ever been away from him for 1 night and that was to go hospital last week to give birth to his baby sister who is now only 7 days old. My emotions are all over the place as it is so I feel without my son I would really struggle and get upset, however this does give me a break and bonding time alone with baby so I can see a positive to it. He is looking to do this in August when he is off work for 3 weeks.

I did suggest us all going down there for a few nights, however they don’t have the space to accommodate us and we currently cannot afford staying in an air BnB, which is what we normally do when we visit them.

I want to ask what would people do in this situation? I would want what is best for my son overall and not just thinking of myself.

You are projecting your own insecurities there is no need to bring him home he will be with i hope a fully capable and engaged parent, and wider family and be fine.

So your husband wants to take your son to his (husband's) father's house? OP was a little unclear to me

And you just had a baby last week

1. I wouldn't travel that far with a tiny baby as you're suggesting
2. I don't understand why you're not happy for your son to go - his Dad will stay with him, right?

@Coffeeishot most likely, I do think I have separation anxiety, I also feel like my son might be the same but that could just be how I feel and think and he will most likely be fine. I am just so worried how he would be without me there

I think they should. It is only a couple of nights. BUT my worry would be you - are you OK with a very young baby? When are thinking of going ?

Of course it’s fine! Sounds like your DS and DH don’t get much time together.

it will be lovely for their relationship, he’s the parent not a random stranger

I would send him with my blessing. He’s with his dad and going to see family, I literally cannot understand the problem?

@Pancakeflipper I have my mum to help with the baby if my husband was to go away so I wouldn’t be totally alone

@Mumblechum0 this is true, Dad works an awful lot so doesn’t spend as much time with our son as I do, which is why I am probably so clingy to my son and vice versa.

I don’t think his timing is great because you’ve just had a baby but apart from that, I’m sure your little one will be fine.
Alternatively, could your FIL come to you guys as you’ve got a lot on with a new baby right now?

Totally fine and quite bizarre that he has not done this before now. Sounds like a you issue rather than an issue for your DS.

Yes he should take him. It will be good for you to just have to look after the baby. You can mooch about and sleep when she sleeps etc. They will have a lovely time and get to see family.

I think you’re just in that post partum phase. You’ll all be fine.

@rainbowstardrops I did suggest this as we actually do have a spare room for them to stay in, and we live in such a lovely area! I did say they could come here for a few nights and then next year I would be more than happy for my husband to take our son as he will be almost 4 by August next year

My three year old (who to be fair is a confident child and not super clingy) regularly has sleepovers from time to time with her aunty and aunty’s family. She loves it and I think it’s great that she has other adults in her life she feels safe and secure with. Your husband wants your son to spend time with his family. He’ll be with his daddy and I’m sure he’ll be fine.

I can imagine if you're literally days post partum it's a terrible time to think about being parted from your children.
That aside, Dad taking DS away for a few days should be fine. Gives DS a chance to spend time with Grandparents and be centre of attention.
If you have support from your Mum, that's time for you all to have together.
In your position I would perhaps say that sounds lovely but can you have a little while to recover and settle before committing to it.

He's three and his going with his father to visit a grandparent. He is fine. You need to let them do things together without you sometimes.

@Unlichtie I do agree, I hate being away from my son, even going on a night out with friends I just get crazy anxiety, but I think it’s because I know how much my son is clingy onto me so I just think in my head that he needs me all the time. It’s terrible I know. He probably would be fine without me, I just worry what if he wasn’t

Surely a lot depends on how in tune your dh is with your son. Will he be emotionally there for him? Will he care for him and keep him safe while hopefully giving him a fun time?

I’d just make sure dh stops a few times on the way. He will find it hard keeping DS entertained for 5 hours in a car. I’d work on not having a clingy child as it’s not great for their development. It will seriously hold him back. Try and encourage confidence.

@Beamur yes I probably am feeling a bit more emotional about it due to the hormones and no doubt I would cry if he left. I have suggested they visit us instead and he can go to them another time

The thing to recognise for yourself is that yes he might be a bit upset or miss you sometimes but that's ok. His dad will be there and can comfort him and no harm will come to him from missing you. I recognise that'll be hard for your to accept because every fibre of your being is telling you that you must comfort him (especially as you're in a post partum phase). But he will be ok, even if he misses you sometimes. He'll probably be too busy in a new environment to miss you too much though!

I think you’re projecting your own fears on to your son. It sounds like you keep your son very close to you which isn’t a bad thing but it’s important for you not to stifle his relationship with his dad too. I think you should let them both go. It’s still a few weeks away why don’t you test the waters and let your husband take care of your son for a few hours/ day trips out etc between now and then. Your only a few days post-partum so there’s bound to be a lot of emotions at play however I think you should work on your anxieties. Children do pick up on adult emotions and if you look stressed or anxious every time you leave your son he’s going to feel that too. By depriving your son the opportunity to spend time with his dad your inadvertently reinforcing that he’s not ok without you there.

The trip is short and will be with your husband and DS’s father. Unreasonable to ask DH not to do this unless DH’s parenting is inadequate.

It’s not good to be ‘clingy’ regarding your preschool DC and/or if anxiety affects you day to day about things like this (been there done that)

He has to learn how to be fine without you.

He has the other (presumably competent and trustworthy) parent with him. He will be perfectly safe.

My DH takes both kids for a long weekend "boys camp" in the Derbyshire peaks every year. They have the best time hiking and playing and making fires ect and he's done that since they were 6 and 3 (previously took eldest alone from about 2, I don't remember exactly)

Oh and I wave them off with glee and enjoy my peaceful weekend!

You are clearly a loving, devoted mother. Your job is to give him what he needs and that includes over time preparing him to be independent and explore the world as his own person. Be careful you are not inadvertently encouraging him to be clingy. The sign of a secure child is one that is able to be away from mother as they have a secure base and mother will always be there. Try building small steps to this like him spending more time with his father and then letting him go with him for a few days. He might love it. My mother was scared of the world and made us scared of it too. Don't do this.

It’s a short trip to visit family - of course he should go. DH has taken DT’s to visit his family in Canada when I was unable to go because of work commitments. They had a great time.