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Original poster

Husband wants to take son away for a few nights

58 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 19/07/2025 09:38

My Husbands Dad and that side of his family live just under a 5 hour drive away and he wants to take our son who will be 3 in September to his Dads for a few nights. I have always said to my husband I would only feel comfortable with this when he fully understands and can communicate to say if he wants to go home, is having the best time, misses mummy or is able to have a bit more of a conversation before he takes him away, and he isn’t this advanced just yet. I am very clingy to my son because he is so clingy to me, I have only ever been away from him for 1 night and that was to go hospital last week to give birth to his baby sister who is now only 7 days old. My emotions are all over the place as it is so I feel without my son I would really struggle and get upset, however this does give me a break and bonding time alone with baby so I can see a positive to it. He is looking to do this in August when he is off work for 3 weeks.

I did suggest us all going down there for a few nights, however they don’t have the space to accommodate us and we currently cannot afford staying in an air BnB, which is what we normally do when we visit them.

I want to ask what would people do in this situation? I would want what is best for my son overall and not just thinking of myself.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 19/07/2025 10:00

You are being ridiculous. My children have a very healthy attachment to me and I went to Australia for 2 weeks when eldest was 16 months. And to Italy with eldest when youngest was same age, and left them home with Dh. Dh has regularly taken them on holiday without me, including 9 hours away to visit family. Don’t make him miss out on his childhood because of your issues.

Luckyingame · 19/07/2025 10:05

Yes.
What's the problem?
Would they eat the kid?
I wouldn't think so, kid will have a good time plus bonding with father and grandad.
I don't realise how many issues there are, nowadays.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 19/07/2025 10:12

It's not good for you or your child to be clingy to each other.
If your husband wants to do 10 hours in a car with an almost 3yr old, leave him to it, your newborn wouldn't be able to be in a car seat for longer than 20 minutes anyway, due to it restricting their breathing.
If your eldest does miss you/his bed/ whatever that's fine. He will cope.

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Original poster
Motherof1and2dogs · 19/07/2025 10:15

@NewDogOwner I am sure my issues come from my upbringing, I didn’t have a dad and I wonder if this has caused me to be extra clingy to my children, I’m not sure but you are very right and so are most on here, I know this will impact him if I do not allow him to be away from me. He probably is so clingy because I have made him that way. I have pretty much been with him 24/7 since he was born so it’s super hard for me to let go. I just feel like crying at the thought of it when really I should be happy my husband wants to take him for a fun trip!

OP posts:
BabyCatFace · 19/07/2025 10:20

Clingy is a terrible thing for a parent to be to their children and a terrible trait to encourage in your children towards yourself. You need to work on your own dependence on your children for your wellbeing and encourage them to be confident and happy without you (within reason, for short periods, with safe adults). Don't put obstacles in the way of your son spending time with his dad and extended family.

Blueuggboots · 19/07/2025 10:21

Wow. You’re being very unreasonable.

Beamur · 19/07/2025 10:22

Children will usually have a preferred parent as a toddler - usually the main care giver. But it's actually really good for them to foster time and connection with the other parent too. My DD was a total mummy's girl but I was at work and DH did pick ups from nursery a couple of days a week and that helped them have that time together.
Encouraging children in confidence with other adults will make the transition to nursery and school easier for the child too.

CopperWhite · 19/07/2025 10:23

You’ve just had a baby, this is not the time to be thinking about this.

When your family is more settled with the new baby and you are feeling less emotional, the idea of a father son family bonding trip will probably sound like a lovely idea, but when you’re still recovering from birth, the idea of your family being separated is understandably upsetting.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 19/07/2025 10:24

The other thing to consider is that you've got a newborn. It's not going to serve you in the long term if you block either of your children being equally comfortable being supposed looked after by their dad. You'll be run ragged and it sets you up as the default parent who does everything. Your DH will do things differently but that's ok too.

Coffeeishot · 19/07/2025 10:27

I saw you didn't grow up with a dad, which is where your anxiety lies, you have to trust your husband to be a good dad and capable of having a seperate healthy relationship with his son,
you don't want your son totally reliant on you that isn't fair, he will be gone for a few days yes he might miss you but that's ok, but rushing him home isn't doing him any favours, try and let the anxiety go.

Coffeeishot · 19/07/2025 10:34

Sorry i should have said where you think your anxiety lies not just assuming.

Neemie · 19/07/2025 10:41

He probably will miss you and he might get upset but then he will be home again in a few days and you’ll be happy to see each other and he will know that you miss each other when you are apart but he can cope with that.

DrJump · 19/07/2025 10:43

Honestly at 7days post birth the though of my partner going away for a night with an older child who have made me really sad. Iknow I really wanted all of us to be together. Heck my teen just went overseas with his dad. I wanted him to go an amazing opportunity but oh god I missed him. The day or two before to every fibre of my being to not say "don't take him let him stay with me".

Anyway I don't think you feelings are unusual but it's ok to let him go. You'll all be OK.

Original poster
Motherof1and2dogs · 19/07/2025 10:43

OP here - Just told Dad he can do 2/3 nights, already cried so much at the thought of it but all your comments have helped massively, I do need to let go. Dad has already arranged for the 8th - 11th August and he is very excited and I am sure my son will have a great time. I will use this time to sleep when baby does, bond with my newborn and try to overcome my separation anxiety.

OP posts:
milesmachine · 19/07/2025 10:52

OP I really respect the fact that you’ve listened to posters. I just want to give you a perspective of someone who’s come out the other side.

I had a difficult birth with my first which made me the same. I was with him all the time and worried massively when he wasn’t. When I had my second and my DH had to start taking over toddler duties it created a massive issue. He lashed out at my DH as, to him, he was preventing my son from being with me. He would cry if left alone with his Dad and shout for me. I realised that I’d actually created a massive dependency that meant no one else could step up and ultimately really caused issues with bonding with my DH (his dad).

This only got worse when he started nursery where he’d scream at drop off and I’d be in tears too (each feeding each other). I look back now and realise that I wasn’t teaching him any resilience and doing him a real disservice.

Hes now at school and did struggle the first month or so. I’m much more relaxed now and try really hard not to show if I’m missing them too much or worried unnecessarily.

You need to start breaking this cycle now to allow you son to bond with other family members and instilling confidence and resilience in himself. Otherwise you will be setting him up for future problems

PinkBobby · 19/07/2025 11:10

Motherof1and2dogs · 19/07/2025 09:38

My Husbands Dad and that side of his family live just under a 5 hour drive away and he wants to take our son who will be 3 in September to his Dads for a few nights. I have always said to my husband I would only feel comfortable with this when he fully understands and can communicate to say if he wants to go home, is having the best time, misses mummy or is able to have a bit more of a conversation before he takes him away, and he isn’t this advanced just yet. I am very clingy to my son because he is so clingy to me, I have only ever been away from him for 1 night and that was to go hospital last week to give birth to his baby sister who is now only 7 days old. My emotions are all over the place as it is so I feel without my son I would really struggle and get upset, however this does give me a break and bonding time alone with baby so I can see a positive to it. He is looking to do this in August when he is off work for 3 weeks.

I did suggest us all going down there for a few nights, however they don’t have the space to accommodate us and we currently cannot afford staying in an air BnB, which is what we normally do when we visit them.

I want to ask what would people do in this situation? I would want what is best for my son overall and not just thinking of myself.

I think because you’ve just had your second, I would actively encourage some time with his dad. You need to be able to tag team time with your two children to ensure they both feel loved. As incredible as you are as a mum, if you have the option to share the load, you really need to use it. You don’t have to do it all.

Yes, your son will miss you because you are his mum but his dad is also a safe and irreplaceable person with whom he needs to connect. In the coming years, a lot of research suggests he will play a vital role in your son’s development (after some intense mother son years) so I would see this as a good opportunity for them to go and have an adventure together. Your son will have fun for a lot of the time. He may be sad for a small amount of the time. But your husband is there to love and care for him and it’ll help them bond.

I know it sounds like a slightly morbid way to live but when things like this come up I think that if anything happened to me, I need my children to already have experienced life without me, even if just a couple of days. It’s important for the dads too - they can easily get side lined and sometimes mums need to step out of the picture for a moment to help that connection blossom.

Coffeeishot · 19/07/2025 11:12

Do you have friends you can meet up with when they are away?

Pleasealexa · 19/07/2025 11:18

He probably would be fine without me, I just worry what if he wasn’t

Think this through...what would happen? It's healthy for a child to have a closer bond with the other parent and I would say kindly, it's selfish and needy of you to obstruct that.

Your son could be at school next year and you need to take steps so that you feel less needy. You could be the parent/mother in law that everyone dreads because they have clinginess over their son.

SleepQuest33 · 19/07/2025 11:40

Motherof1and2dogs · 19/07/2025 10:43

OP here - Just told Dad he can do 2/3 nights, already cried so much at the thought of it but all your comments have helped massively, I do need to let go. Dad has already arranged for the 8th - 11th August and he is very excited and I am sure my son will have a great time. I will use this time to sleep when baby does, bond with my newborn and try to overcome my separation anxiety.

Good on you OP.
work on your anxiety, this is not healthy for your child’s emotional development at all.

DO NOT show your child you are anxious about this trip, he will feed this from you.

PollyBell · 19/07/2025 12:25

I dont see how unearth this is healthy for your child? If you are an emotional wreck think what is best for them, how many poster's on here complain they are still having issues with their parents as adults themselves, i know i am meant to pretend everything a poster says is amazingly wonderful but this is real life, it is not healthy

Lurkingandlearning · 19/07/2025 12:49

If your son does have separation anxiety, surely that is something you want to resolve. Being with his father and extended family without you will be reassuring for him. If he does miss you and says he wants to go home it will be good for him to learn, while he is with his family, that he cannot always do that. This will be good preparation for nursery and school.

cestlavielife · 19/07/2025 12:50

Your son will be fine
It will be a lovely adventure with daddy
You willget time with baby supported by your family.
You can video call every evening and hear about your ds adventures with daddy
Speak to your go about dealing with anxiety maybe short cbt course

DinaofCloud9 · 19/07/2025 13:06

You need to change your user name lol.

Well done for agreeing to it. You're just full of hormones at the moment so are extra emotional. It will be a lovely bonding experience for them both.

mondaytosunday · 19/07/2025 13:15

If fir sure do it but then I’d be very confident about my DH’s capabilities and that my child would be happy to be either him. Sure he might miss me but what a great chance for them to spend time together and for you to spend quality time with your other child!

ginasevern · 19/07/2025 13:37

"He probably is so clingy because I have made him that way. I have pretty much been with him 24/7 since he was born so it’s super hard for me to let go."

He's going to have a nasty shock then now you've got a new baby. He certainly won't have your undivided attention anymore.