Controlled Crying - My dd has been crying for 50 minutes am I being cruel

[Trix11]

My dd is 21 months and was great at going to sleep but over the last week with one thing and another we have got into bad habits. Tonight I thought I would give this a try (its worked in the past within 30 mins) Its tearing me apart listening to her sobbing and calling mommy.

Please give me some strength!!!!!!!!

that isn';t CC! Go to them FFS!

Strength to go against the current sleep-training fad and see her or strength to ignore her for longer? I can do the former, but not the latter.

A year and a half old?! Talk to them FGS. She isn;t an object!

Have you been in to check on her?

I'm all for controlled crying but wouldn't leave a child for more than 5-10 mins max before going back in and calming them and then leaving them again.

If you haven't been to check on her you really need to do so now.

50 mins?? God you must be made of steel,i personally couldn't do it. Poor DD

Sorryy HM, beat you too it.

If it's tearing you apart, it's not the right thing to be doing.

Give her a cuddle and stroke her sweaty hair, poor love.

And when she's asleep, come back and we'll talk about Elizabeth Pantley and the No-Cry Sleep Solution and gradual withdrawal and the routine you had when she went to sleep well and what's changed and whether she's teething or unwell or whatever.

I can't leave DS crying for 50 seconds let alone 50 minutes.

Yes you bloody are!

I have been going in every 5 mins and lying her down again, saying night night.

Oh my god have I been doing the totally wrong thing.

She is asleep now and I feel terrible, I thought I was doing the right thing.

if you think it will work don't go in. if she is safe and you can leave her then do.
if you feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest with a blunt and rusty spoon and you will hate yourself forever then go in, do the no eye contact patting then leave again.
with any luck by the time you read this she will be asleep and tomorrow she'll cry for less time and you'll be back to normal.

50 mins is called letting them 'cry it out; Truby King style.

If you wnat your child to grown up thinking expressing emotion is worthless and nobody comes when you do, carry on. If you want your child to be able to manage their enmotions and know that people are reasonable, that they have a secure home base, communicate with them.

OK, if you've been going in to her, that's good - I think people had responded thinking she'd been bellowing her lungs out for nearly an hour while you left her to it.

Is she likely to be in pain at all? Is this not ordinary behaviour for her? How does she normally go to bed?

too late

if it works for you then it is the right thing - not what a book says is the right thing.

Sweetie it's one night. LEss than an hour. You can't do anything that you can't fix in that time.

As long as you were checking and reassuring her then it's fine, honestly.

There are different methods but if she is asleep now, I'd try again tomorrow, but with timelimit. If she doesn't settle within 30 mins then try something else.

As long as you were checking ehr then no harm could come to her.

Nigella, I'm not keen on the no eye contact thing - I think it's utterly bizarre and unnatural and sad not to look at your child because it's night time.

But saying that if you find it too hard, or feel it is wrong then choose another method - there are plenty out there.

trix i have had a small enforced crying incident this evening with a 3yo. these things to have to happen occasionally, but only when you are sure of your ground. i think it has been a difficult night here because of raining all day so a lack of decent exercise.

Well on the positve side, it's only by regret that we can learn thses things. Once won;t harm, her. Leaving her constantly for that amount of time will. Just try to strike a healthy balence with your own chil;d individuality taken into account. I have no idea where you have learned leaving them to scream and cry for 50 mins is cc? It's controlled crying.

I did the same with my DD2 a few years ago. 1st night took an hour of going and laying her down etc. 2nd night was a lot less by the 4th nite she went to sleep with no fuss.
Now she is a very good sleeper.

I tried CC with my DD a few times (1 min, then 2 mins, doubling the time between each time etc). The first couple of times it worked a dream. The next couple of times she got so upset that it made her physically sick.

I haven't done it since!

(Mind you, she will now only go to sleep if she's being cuddled by me or DH - which may not be great longterm, but it's no great hardship for us ATM and I'd rather that than traumatise her!! I'd be interested to find out about this No Cry sleep solution)

I know CC works for some people. It did for us at first, but we adapted with our instincts when it was obviously distressing DD. I think people were jumping on you Trix cos it sounded from your title like you were letting your DD cry it out rather than going in to see her. When you were going in to see her each time, did you wait until she had stopped crying til you left the room each time?

Just checked her again and she is sound asleep.

Until recently we would put her down and she would go off herself within 5-10 mins just chattering away to herself.

Then she was a bit unwell and was waking in the night coughing so we brought her into our bed just so we could keep a closer eye on her and comfort her, then when she was better (after a couple of nights) she wanted to go to bed with mom and dad and we allowed this just for a quiet night. I really have brought this on mysef and feel so bad about it and her being upset.

sorry if I over reacted.

I just lay her back down - stroked her head and said night night which she understands to mean bedtime. When I left the room she would stand up in the cot and cry.

She has never cryed for that length of time before.