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Parenting

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Original poster

Controlled Crying - My dd has been crying for 50 minutes am I being cruel

62 replies

Trix11 · 26/05/2008 21:48

My dd is 21 months and was great at going to sleep but over the last week with one thing and another we have got into bad habits. Tonight I thought I would give this a try (its worked in the past within 30 mins) Its tearing me apart listening to her sobbing and calling mommy.

Please give me some strength!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RhinestoneCowgirl · 26/05/2008 22:04

Trix - don't feel guilty about having 'brought this on yourself' by letting DD sleep in your bed, as it's a perfectly natural place for her to want to sleep.

Dixie - I have No Cry Sleep Solution if you would liek to borrow (I'm MaeWest btw)

YouNeverKnow · 26/05/2008 22:05

its hard doing cc i did with dd1
of course i didnt leave her crying for hours without going in or sitting by the door and i didnt think that you had when i read the thread

francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2008 22:06

Trix it is all right.
Our dd went through a similar phase when she was just a little bit older than your dd.
IME, cc doesn't work at this age. Maybe, it's just a question of devising a new bedtime routine: I remember we negotiated to read more book together, then I'd give her a fixed number of kisses (she decided on the number) then I'd give her a glass of water. Then I'd sit by her door and reassured her I was there. It lasted for a few weeks, but then she was all right.
I sound like a nutter, don't I, with fixed number of books etc, but somehow she liked the "certainty" of it, and it worked for us.

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lucyellensmum · 26/05/2008 22:06

i really really HATE this "controlled" crying thing - fucking parenting fads make me Trix. Please dont feel bad, that comment is just my venting frustration about bloody baby raising fashions. Why is it that having a good sleeper seems to be the yardstick for good modern parenting??

Can you not just lie her in her cot/bed and hold her hand til she drops off? Then just lie there etc - ok so it doesn't work as quickly, but either me or DP lay with DD every night, usually takes about 15 minutes to half an hour, and we have left her to cry in the past - the pressure of HV and "friendly advice" and she has always had a disturbed night.

I think that all parents should have a Baby Book Burning session a la, burn the bra - how liberating would that be

YouNeverKnow · 26/05/2008 22:08

lucyellen i dont think thats going to make feel trix feel any good

lucyellensmum · 26/05/2008 22:11

It wasn't directed at her - ive done exactly the same as she has done, and i said she mustn't feel bad. But tonight we have, one distressed baby (who wont remember in the morning so its nto the end of the world) but also one very upset mummy - because someone decides to introduce a particular parenting fad.

I am however sorry trix if that did upset you, its bloody hard being a mummy and you dont need people like me hijacking your thread to rant about parenting pressures brought on by books explaining how we must do things. So i apologise for that

sushistar · 26/05/2008 22:11

But I think lucyellen makes some good points, and she says she's not directing her frustration at trix but at all these damn books telling us what to do...

bluewolf · 26/05/2008 22:11

it's so tricky - you think you have the measure of things and then have to start all over again because someone comes round, its summer or the baby is ill.
Had similar setback with dd reccently - before, she would actually smile at me then fall asleep once in cot - now, looks worried and accusing for about half an hour while I sing and stroke head - traumatic event? Some friends came round and watched Eurovision Song Contest. LOUDLY.

fishie · 26/05/2008 22:12

i always sit with ds till he falls asleep. this evening we went up for bath at 7pm and he was still bouncing around at 8.30 and i was hungry. so i went away for a little while and screaming happened. i relented and he finally went to sleep at 9pm. i've got to go to bed myself in a minute as he'll be up at 6.

sushistar · 26/05/2008 22:12

x posts!

francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2008 22:15

I agree with baby book burning session. And I agree that sometimes a sleeping though the night baby becomes a credit to his/her parents parenting skills . But parents need some sleep, don't they ?

DixiePixie · 26/05/2008 22:16

Trix, please don't feel bad. It sounds like you were being caring and responsible and trying to do the right thing. I know I felt awful when dd was sick after doing the CC thing. At the end of the day, my intentions were good, as yours were - it works brilliantly for some people - just didn't work for us!

Ooh great namechange RhinestoneCowgirl!! Thanks for the offer, yes could I borrow your book please?

suzi2 · 26/05/2008 22:17

It's a tough one when they're that age. DS sometimes still gets like that and really all we can do is what we call a 'reboot'. We switch the light on, and do the whole bedtime routine again. By the time the 20 mins is up he's out of the way or crying and is sometimes better. Though sometimes, when you know they're simply exhausted and that's why they're crying, mucking around and head stroking etc won't work. Well, not for DS as he would never fall asleep with us in the room.

It was about that age that DS moved into his big bed and things were great after that. He could get up to play and wind himself down. Still takes a good hour of playing now to get off to sleep but he's happy.

PussinJimmyChoos · 26/05/2008 22:18

SmugColditz · 26/05/2008 22:20

I slept dreadfully as a child and am very fab and interesting.

My brother slept beautifully and is a hideous little smug toad.

so there.

lucyellensmum · 26/05/2008 22:21

Ive lost count of the times i have been asked at M&T what time my DD goes to sleep - i wouldnt mind if it were by mums feeling worried abouttheir bad sleeper, its usually ones who have their los in bed by 6!

SmugColditz · 26/05/2008 22:21

Oh suzi, good advice, I did the reboot thing a couple of times with ds2, and it always worked!

francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2008 22:22

lol colditz. I have 1 great sleeper and 1 who was a nightmare for quite a long time. So it is not related to parenting

Original poster

Trix11 · 26/05/2008 22:23

I appreciate all your comments everyone

I feel much calmer now.

Do you think that she should still have a nap in the afternoon, some days she does not have one and it has been suggested to me that maybe she is overtired in the evenings.

OP posts:

francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2008 22:23

LEM, at sending kids to bed at 6. are they mad?

francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2008 22:25

how many hrs does she sleeps at night trix? I think at your dd's age most children still need a nap.
I really recommend to change bedtime routines, make her feel she is more "in charge"

Original poster

Trix11 · 26/05/2008 22:25

I don't understand children going to bed at six either, my dh does not get in from work until 6 and he would be well miffed he did not get some quality time with them every night.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 26/05/2008 22:26

You have been going in and checking on her and she has gone to sllep now. So you have been doing the right thing and it will get better.

Original poster

Trix11 · 26/05/2008 22:26

she sleeps approx 10-12 hours at night. She usually wakes up when she hears me calling her big brother for school.

OP posts:

suzi2 · 26/05/2008 22:30

Definitely the nap. DS is 2.9 and still takes a couple of hours in the afternoon. Regardless of how little daytime sleep he gets (we've experimented) he doesn't usually take more than 11-12 hours overnight so needs a little top up in the day. Today he only had 30 mins in the car. He was a nightmare to go to bed. He woke after 2 hours hysterical. That's the norm when he's overtired.

Regarding 'control'. We give my DS a lot of choices at bedtime. We know the answer as it's always the same, but still give him the choice. He has the choice of a nappy or pullups. Then the choice of book. We then give him a choice of things to do the next day and look forward to. Then we ask who is putting his music on and light off. Finally we ask him if the door is to be open or closed. I know your DD is a bit younger so not sure what her communication is like, but she could perhaps feel involved in her own bedtime if you give her choices.

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