Is the child psychologist in the wrong?

[almostalwayslaura]

We have started seeing a child psychologist with my 11 year old daughter. Has major issues with health related issues, manifesting in many ways but mainly wobbly teeth. For example, if she has a wobbly tooth she completely shuts down, can’t talk or open her mouth - sounds extreme but I’m not exaggerating - it is extreme. I have been managing this myself at home however this presented itself at school and teachers/school nurse got involved.. hence the child psychologist referral.

today was the first appointment LG attended, the first two were parent only. At the first appointment we were told we would be seeing a student psychologist. The student today, after a few awkward silences and speaking to her about a few different things turned to us and bluntly said ‘have you ever considered she has autism?’ I was flabbergasted at the bluntness - obviously I am aware she has a few quirks and sensory processing issues (examples include food and being unable to touch her own neck… strange I am aware) but I just can’t believe he just came out and said it in front of her??

was he in the wrong? Am I over thinking this? I don’t know what to do or whether to return to appointments?? I am completely lost on how to support her as due to her age, periods will begin soon and i cant even begin to imagine how her brain will cope with this - she had a femur break and was in traction in hospital for 6 weeks and i do think this is the root cause but autism? I’m shocked. Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

It’s interesting also that the “clinician” asked YOU if considered Autism. I think she didn’t handle this situation correctly, and really needed to discuss any next steps prior to diagnosis with whomever is responsible for her training.

Did she rule out OCD, anxiety, the medical trauma, etc, etc ..

A proper full assessment might be nice, not a trainees first thought blurted out.

Friend’s DD in primary had the possible ASD talk from school, wait was too long & CAMHS wouldn’t visit or engage with private school (where DD was because not coping at state). Also long private wait - tho had a thorough assessment and DD “quirks” (foods, worry, tricky friendships) - are OCD/anxiety and not ASD.

DD is working through it by keeping staff insanely busy at A levels, and extra curriculars (performing arts, music). She has CBT, and some talking therapy …. Looking forward to Uni. It’s hugely helpful she understands self & her thoughts and that some she can’t control but can cope.

To which I do hope you replied along the lines of ‘he’s not rude, he’s doing his job’.

OP you dont seem to want to hear this, but your daughter might be ND, and she might have autism. The doctor is not in the wrong for saying this, nor saying it in front of your daughter. It might have come as a shock, but really, at this day and age it shouldn’t be. We know a lot more about this condition, there is no stigma, and if she gets diagnosed, it will help both of you understand and manage it. I am no expert either, but best to familiarise yourself, and ask the right questions and get it checked out. Dont burry your head in the sand. Of course it might not be either, and do check those vitamin levels too!

my five year old daughter has autism, you are coming from a place of fear that is why your words lack sense and I mean this with grace , I know what it’s like to swallow down fear so intense you can’t breath …you feel like your head will explode .
the sentence you wrote

“I just see it as a life sentence to something that might not need to be”

it’s not a life sentence and she either is or she isn’t…. and deep down you probably know the answer . Your daughter is already functioning in society so that’s one fear allayed , she does not have a learning disability , another fear quashed . So what exactly are you worried about ?? A diagnosis is not a bad thing , it will allow her to access therapies she needs to thrive , a diagnosis won’t limit her , it won’t label her .

my girl was preverbal until 8 months ago , I was worried sick about how her life would be , she has caught up with 5 years speech in eight months and is now fully verbal and conversational . I understand we are lucky but therapies and a diagnosis helped immeasurably . Please don’t let your ignorance and fear consume you . The clumsy student may have done you a favour .

@almostalwayslaura I'm sorry you heard this so bluntly. However, I do think you should think about whether it's something that is possible. My experience has been that the teenage years are incredibly tough for some girls with ASD and what seems like 'quirks' very quickly evolves into severe issues.

Op

I think you have had a bit of a shock here. Generally speaking he has been very clumsy in bringing this up in front of your child especially given her current circumstances

Was it malicious? Probably not

And it’s just so frustrating ref the school - however remember they are not the authority issued with giving out diagnoses only the NHS can really decide

Many of my family are autistic. High performing clever people who are on the spectrum. In some of the hard sciences, it's more common than not to be on the spectrum. One of our young people is a bit sensitive about the diagnosis and, to be honest, we don't announce it to all and sundry because there is still a lot of misinformation about autism. It's not some horrible life sentence though. If you met them, you probably wouldn't notice anything amiss. They have learnt coping strategies over the years. That is the benefit of a diagnosis.

One of my children is low in vitamin D. He had a blood test to show it. He has a prescription for Vitamin D which is one tablet a month to take if that is any help.

Thank you everyone for your opinions on this.

I think my feelings are why as a society are we obsessed with labelling everyone and putting everyone in a box. Why can’t my child just be who she is without being told she is autistic? Why would this help her daily life, no diagnosis is going to change that.

I am a firm believer that everyone is on the spectrum, others are just more towards one side than the other. Doesn’t mean everyone should be labelled that way.

Well take the wobbly tooth as an example, DD really struggles with this but (most of) her peers do not. It would help her to understand why that is and get support with how to cope with it, as well as other struggles she may encounter throughout her life. If she is autistic then no amount of denial is going to change it but knowledge and support will help her immensely.

It's your choice what you decide to do. I've worked with a lot of autistic people. Some found getting a diagnosis helped them to accept themselves exactly as they are and gave them freedom and choice. Others hated the label of autism and the way society views them. For my own son the diagnosis changed everything. He went from being an angry aggressive child to a calm, settled, happy child. We got a school placement that suited his needs and therapies that helped him to adapt and cope. Autism is part of who he is but there's a million other aspects that make him who he is. It's a challenge at times but nothing to be feared.

Everyone is not on the spectrum though. You are either autistic or you are not. You will damage your daughter by denying her the opportunity to understand herself and have the correct support going through life. I urge you to go and do some proper research into things instead of blindly following some shite about ‘society and labels’ that you have no doubt read somewhere. Your DD is already struggling, she is already crying out for help. Be a better parent and give her the very basic of care that she deserves. If it were a physical ailment she was suspected of having you would not think twice about an assessment of that. You can’t control whether your child is autistic or not be refusing to acknowledge it. All that does is damage your child and make their life harder. Do you really want that?

It’s not about the label, it’s about understanding and dealing with everything that comes with having autism.

my nephew was 8 when he was diagnosed and is now 12. He had an amazing understanding of his own autism, the cues he should be aware of that exacerbate his meltdowns, the triggers that cause his meltdowns, and, he masks his behaviours a lot less now that he knows he’s not just being “naughty” or “difficult”

everyone seems to focus on the label part, when it’s much deeper than that.

since my nephew has had his diagnosis, i have done 2 NVQs in understanding autism, and realised that I am most definitely autistic, but have decided not to get an official diagnosis as I’ve spent 38 years without it, and dealing with it. But, in honesty, sometimes I do think a diagnosis would help others understand some of my behaviours and how I think.

Saying everyone is on the spectrum is usually an unhelpful way to look at it. It’s like saying everyone has a little bit of lung disease because sometimes people get out of breath running up the stairs. We all have our quirks but autism is something you either have or you don’t.

If you don’t want to label your child that’s fine, but diagnoses can help children access the support they need e.g. a child diagnosed with dyslexia can get specialised help and equipment at school (plus they will identify themselves as being dyslexic, instead of something like stupid, thick or weird). It might be helpful to think about whether you would pursue a diagnosis and specialised support for a physical condition or disability such as MS etc., and whether you’d also see that as labelling the child

TBH i am utterly shocked the deputy head teacher would ever even say categorically that she does NOT have autism. They are not qualified in this at all and autism is diagnosed by educational psychologists. The DHT can say 'Gosh, well, to be honest we have not noticed any signs that we would usually associate with autism' but to categorically say it is a total dereliction of their professional duties IMO.

Okay- you are terribly ignorant about autism and ND at present.

I would recommend you do some reading and research yourself. Many of us are in the trenches of this and have been for years and saying words like 'labels' is absolutely eye-roll inducing. You will not be able to help your DD at all like this.

That's highly judgemental and every person ND or NT is different and different things help and hinder.

And it is attitudes like yours ‘everyone is on the spectrum’ that make the world less accessible for those who Actuallg are.

Would you consider it reasonable and rational to say to paraplegics, or registers blind, or deaf ext that ‘everyone is a bit XYZ’? No.

without a diagnosis theres no support (and I’m sad to report that even with a diagnosis theres no support support is part h, very much a postcode lottery, and endlessly exhausting trying to secure)

A diagnosis is also important for the individual - living inna world wgere you struggle and are just told in various ways that you’re just a bit shit and lazy etc ‘Whats wrong with you?’’ is bloody awful - it creates a horrible internal dialogue that is difficult to shift and frequently leads to mental healh. My ex husband did so much damage to our child with his insistence that it’s just a label’ and ‘everyone’s on the spectrum’ - he made our child feel worthless and a failure.

Don’t do that to your child. If she is on the spectrum she’ll at the very least need to understand who she is, how it affects her, how to manage how it affects her, and how to live in a world that isn’t geared towards difference.

Autism is not diagnosed solely by 'Educational Psychologists'. However, it's is correct that the school may have an opinion that differs from parents or those offering professional diagnosis and that the view of the school is not a professional opinion. It's generally quite difficult to get a diagnosis without some school support. In the scheme of things it's difficult to get a diagnosis full stop and it should be for obvious reasons.

Yes this. I remember saying to the ed psych when my son was being assessed that 'we don;t want him to be labelled' and he gently pointed out that 'people will be labelling him anyway' i.e. with other things.

My DS is 15 now as i said earlier. The diagnosis has been lifechanging really. For us as parents as it mean we researched and we could help him. His meltdowns were something to behold and occasionally quite terrifyingly violent. But we had many tools in the tool box and so many strategies we would never have come across if we did not learn about ASD and he has developed into such a little superstar who is brilliant at self-regulating emotionally. His brain is endlessly fascinating and I love listening to him and learning from him.

Anyway- in terms of how does a diagnosis help. This is an analogy I know, but I have been incredibly unwell for about 5 years now. With something that kept getting minimised and I was being fobbed off by my GP. It was so debilitating and scary to not know what was wrong with me. Why sometimes I could not get out of bed. Why I was asleep at 6 pm every night. Why I would get dizzy and nauseous often. Why on occasions I was literally unable to walk due to pain. Why the pain was in some locations one day and then the next somewhere else. I had to drastically reduce my work (I worked in a professional role, and this had a terrible effect on our household income). Finally a few months ago I was referred to a rheumatologist consultant and I have now been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Now... there isn't any specific medication I can take for this to cure it. Painkillers when I am in agony I suppose. BUT, through learning and reading and support from professionals I now have a much better understanding of me, who I am and what my body can and cannot do. I can now learn and implement strategies that will improve my quality of life and my wellbeing. It's the same for learning about autism. No, there's no 'pill' to cure it, but knowledge is power, always.

Are you also a firm believer that the world is flat, climate change is fake and vaccines are evil? Because "everyone is on the spectrum" is just as antiscientific idiocy.

The autism spectrum is not a linear spectrum from "barely autistic at all" to "very very autistic". Being autistic or not is binary. Within being autistic there is a spectrum of presentations where no two autistic people have exactly the same combination of needs and traits. Some autistic people who are able to interact with the world successfully in some ways have very severe issues in other parts of how the spectrum affects them, they don't have "mild" autism just because they can e.g. hold down a job.

ExpertArchFormat are you any kind of expert in this field? It doesn't sound like it from what you say here. The OPs summations aren't spot on either though.

Expert’s explanation of the spectrum is pretty spot on.

Planning into the future …. A diagnosis can be very helpful for you, as a parent negotiating the future world of education for your child.

If you can afford, and prefer the professionalism you might be able to achieve with private clinicians. Pursue this. Have the official letters.

If your DC needs accommodations in future …
GCSE, A-Level - quiet rooms, extra time, keyboard - your letters with diagnosis will be the magic that gets your child these accommodations to allow you to get best results.

On to Uni, same accommodations plus possible extra funding for laptop, noise cancel headphones and £££ for printer, ink, paper. Some Uni only allow access to recorded lectures w some “diagnosis” plus mentors. DSA - disabled student allowance.

Your choice - but deciding you want these things when child is 14, 16 - you will be confronted with waiting lists 1+ years. When DC is 16 & older will likely no longer to get paedatric treatment which is quicker. NHS can consider 16, with a 1+ year wait as “discharged from Paed care” and you are stuffed.

Perceive it as a “label” or get in a dialogue with your child (or not), but consider it supporting your child. Your role as parent is supporting your child and preparing them to live and work and support self independently as an adult. Negotiating NHS after 18, will be DD job. You can no longer arrange anything once your child is 18. It will all be on her.

I don't think so and Expert is quite rude to the OP

Ok.

But you’ve actually given quite a similar explanation of ND.

Having lived with ND for a very very long time, brought up ND kids and been a cater to other ND kids, Expert’s explanation of the spectrum fits very much with my varied experiences.

Cheers.