Is the child psychologist in the wrong?

[almostalwayslaura]

We have started seeing a child psychologist with my 11 year old daughter. Has major issues with health related issues, manifesting in many ways but mainly wobbly teeth. For example, if she has a wobbly tooth she completely shuts down, can’t talk or open her mouth - sounds extreme but I’m not exaggerating - it is extreme. I have been managing this myself at home however this presented itself at school and teachers/school nurse got involved.. hence the child psychologist referral.

today was the first appointment LG attended, the first two were parent only. At the first appointment we were told we would be seeing a student psychologist. The student today, after a few awkward silences and speaking to her about a few different things turned to us and bluntly said ‘have you ever considered she has autism?’ I was flabbergasted at the bluntness - obviously I am aware she has a few quirks and sensory processing issues (examples include food and being unable to touch her own neck… strange I am aware) but I just can’t believe he just came out and said it in front of her??

was he in the wrong? Am I over thinking this? I don’t know what to do or whether to return to appointments?? I am completely lost on how to support her as due to her age, periods will begin soon and i cant even begin to imagine how her brain will cope with this - she had a femur break and was in traction in hospital for 6 weeks and i do think this is the root cause but autism? I’m shocked. Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Absolutely the student was in the wrong to raise this in front of your daughter. No wonder you were shocked.

I was an administrator for child psychologists and they were a very mixed bunch - some were very good and some so seriously bad they were the subjects of disciplinary procedures.

Assessment, discuss with mentor, report with suggestions including onward referral, share with parents (not child). Blurting out in front of an 11 year old child - never.

I can understand why you would have preferred to discuss the matter without your child present but you don't seem very open to the idea that it could be autism. She has more than a few traits and an assessment would be a way to at least rule it out. I think people can have a very skewed view of the way autism can present and can be harder to identify in girls. It's nothing that your child needs protecting from. If anything a diagnosis would lead you towards the supports she obviously needs. Best of luck it sounds like a very difficult time for you all x

Everyone saying that the question should not be raised in front of the 11 year old, you all realise at 11 this child already knows and feels different? You know she is aware something is going on, she has been taken to a psychologist due to her behaviours?

OP clearly has an issue with the idea that her clearly struggling child might be autistic and that is the only thing wrong in the situation, not the psychologist.

I get why you may have thought it better to speak with you first. However, wanting that because you thought it may distress her is one thing, but not sure why it would damage her innocence?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want to get an assessments if the psychologist is saying it is a possibility. If she is autistic, it is clearly already having an impact on her daily life and diagnosis would enable her to access the right support - especially at school!

My eldest DD is likely autistic and was fine at primary but really struggled with secondary. Covid really had an impact on her and exacerbated what we now think are autistic traits.

Your daughter may be having a similar trauma response to her fracture with the responses being exacerbated by underlying autism.

With an assessment and diagnosis, she will be able to access support through secondary - pastorally and potentially things like extra time in exams and as she matures, she will be able to understand more about why she feels the way she does rather than thinking there is something wrong with her.

I am late diagnosed ADHD - the difference it would have made to me to be diagnosed earlier would have been incredible, the understanding of why I do or can't do certain things has been a huge improvement.

Please don't dismiss getting an assessment if there is a chance she is autistic - at least you will all know - she may decide she doesn't want to disclose any diagnosis to school or externally, but just knowing will help you and her as she grows up.

We actually had no outward reaction to his comment ‘have you considered she has autism’ - we looked at each other and then he began a brief explanation to my daughter on what autism is. I don’t think my daughter does not what autism is nor if she has heard of it and I am not about to bring it up and add to an ever growing list of ‘what could be wrong with me’

this is definitely what I am trying to get at - she can’t have another ailment hanging over her head like someone telling her she could have autism. If he had brought it up to us privately without us we may have been able to come to terms with it ourselves and discuss the possibility together without her present. I don’t see it as a dirty word or taboo, I just see it as a life sentence to something that might not need to be, hard to explain. Just another worry with parenting.

Autism isn't 'something wrong' with the person, it's not an ailment, or a life sentence. It is just a difference, but one which makes it harder for those with that difference to exist in a world not designed for them. Without diagnosis, those people can indeed feel there is something wrong with them, and take a big hit to their mental health, confidence and life chances.

The current 'things wrong' could well be symptoms of her not coping because of being neurodiverse. I hope you reconsider, even to yourself, that she may be neurodiverse and that you think about what help she may need now and in the future if she is.

Jesus OP you get worse with every update. Autism isn’t “something wrong” with a person, it’s not an ailment either, and certainly not a life sentence.

Choosing not to say the word autism doesn’t stop your child from having autism, it just means she doesn’t get any of the support to help her.

If your daughter has gone to school in the UK, I would be amazed if she had not heard of Autism. There is an Autism awareness week annually, it is in PSHE programmes, etc.

The language you use of ailment and life sentence is very troubling.

Newly diagnosed children working through the Autism, Identity and Me workbooks often find it very relieving and empowering to understand themselves better.

A life sentence

Op please educate yourself on autism, the way you talk about it is increasingly horrid.

I think it might be worth asking for a little break from the appointments and reading up on ASD and how it presents in preteen girls.

Whether or not you decide to go for assessment it seems as though your DD might well have ASD. Not mentioning ASD or talking about it either her will stop the current struggles that she’s dealing with.

You’ve obviously found the suggestion quite shocking but I do think that you have to reframe your thinking and quote quickly so that your language doesn’t affect your DD and her self esteem.

As other have said, it’s not a life sentence. Many people with ASD lead full and happy lives. Start looking up who on the public eye has a diagnosis avd talk about it with your DD on a positive way.

It’s also not a life sentence. With understanding and supper your DD can learn strategies to help her cope through life.

As for the question on Vitamin D, apparently the gummies are very good although you might want to give her a broad spectrum vitamin and mineral supplement so that you cover all bases.

Do have a think though once your upset has subsided and consider getting your DD on the Pathway.

For a lot of girls with ASD starting puberty and High School at a similar time is when they can really begin to struggle. So if your DD is overloaded now and isn’t coping well, this could get worse over the next couple of years without careful handling

I have no idea why my post has been hidden? I don’t think I said anything too radical?

Ok maybe worded wrongly but I think growing up and thinking ‘remember that time that man that I just met for all of 20 minutes spoke about me like I wasn’t in the room and asked my mum and dad if I ever considered if I had autism’ is most definitely a lift sentence you carry with you forever.

As a professional you think it’s acceptable for a student to blurt out the possibility of a neurological disorder to an anxious 11 yr old, who may have heard of it but won’t necessarily understand what it is, without discussion with superior, discussion with parents, and putting in place pathways for assessment?

It’s ok to “fear” autism particularly an 11 year old with anxiety - as it can be a difficult condition to live with.

It’s certainly possible - extreme reactions to body changes is pretty common in ND

Someone once suggested I may have cauda equina - I guess that’s something I’ll now carry forever.

OP - you are over reacting.

You see i dont think it is. He is trained and also looking to help your DD. He’s not some random chap you’ve all met at a party.

One way that your DD might be helped is by gaining an understanding of how she deals with things through an diagnosis of ASD, if that’s what she does have.

What won’t help your DD is your very negative talk, not just around the mention of ASD but catastrophising over how the mere suggestion of ASD might scar her forever.

Please do read up on ASD @almostalwayslaura and try and see it in a much more balanced way. If it does turn out that your DD does have it you don’t want her to feel that there is something wrong with her

What about “remember that man who set me on the path to a diagnosis which opened doors to support that completely changed my life for the better? Allowed me to access support in school and with my mental health and enabled me to do xyz? Made me understand myself better?”

Can you explain how you think raising a concern of autism equates to a life sentence?

Sorry about the typos. Supper should read support although I don’t suppose there is any harm in having both!

I’m surprised she isn’t even vaguely aware of what autism is at 11! My 6yo has peers who are autistic and knows a bit about what autism is. If she really didn’t know what it is in the first place, it’s unlikely she would have much of a negative reaction to it surely? And presumably it was explained to her in a way that was age appropriate.

I would think about what your real issue here is. Is it them using that word in front of her, or is it the fact it’s been suggested in the first place? If the latter, are you maybe shifting your perspective on her ‘quirks’ to realise they may be something more (you mention poor diet for example, which is often quite common with autistic children) and finding that hard to deal with? It can sometimes be difficult to separate feelings on different things.

It might be worth feeding back though as they can either discuss what the rationale behind it was or agree that it was inappropriate of the student and be able to give that feedback, as that’s what training is all about.

I found NHS CAMHS psychologists all spoke frankly and openly in front of my DD when we were going through the assessment process. The same way an orthopaedic doc talked about a broken limb.

With everything you’ve written, I would pursue a diagnosis for your daughter ASAP.

So this man also said he could not help with a diagnosis - it wasn’t something him and his team did. We would have to sit on another waiting list for NDAS for 18 months+

I think what I’m trying to say is why bring it up in such blunt terms when he could have said there may be other underlying processing disorders or something to discuss at another time. My child is attending a psychologist for issues with anything health related. She attends a mainstream school with a severe and complex learning centre attached and I feel the only experience she has heard of of autism is within there. Why would I tell my child they have they may have something different about her brain and worry her even more.

Whatever anyone may say - telling someone you think they may have autism and a ‘different brain’ when they aren’t expecting isn’t a walk in the park!

And this is why I suggested looking up public figures who are ND.

Your DD must have had a very sheltered life of her only experience of anyone who is ND is with the pupils who attend the centre.

Is it that you found the trainee a bit blunt and are having trouble processing how to talk to your DD in a positive way about ASD or are you genuinely upset that someone might suggest that she isn’t NT?