Is the child psychologist in the wrong?

[almostalwayslaura]

We have started seeing a child psychologist with my 11 year old daughter. Has major issues with health related issues, manifesting in many ways but mainly wobbly teeth. For example, if she has a wobbly tooth she completely shuts down, can’t talk or open her mouth - sounds extreme but I’m not exaggerating - it is extreme. I have been managing this myself at home however this presented itself at school and teachers/school nurse got involved.. hence the child psychologist referral.

today was the first appointment LG attended, the first two were parent only. At the first appointment we were told we would be seeing a student psychologist. The student today, after a few awkward silences and speaking to her about a few different things turned to us and bluntly said ‘have you ever considered she has autism?’ I was flabbergasted at the bluntness - obviously I am aware she has a few quirks and sensory processing issues (examples include food and being unable to touch her own neck… strange I am aware) but I just can’t believe he just came out and said it in front of her??

was he in the wrong? Am I over thinking this? I don’t know what to do or whether to return to appointments?? I am completely lost on how to support her as due to her age, periods will begin soon and i cant even begin to imagine how her brain will cope with this - she had a femur break and was in traction in hospital for 6 weeks and i do think this is the root cause but autism? I’m shocked. Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Is it definitely health anxiety? To me, it sounds more like anxiety about body integrity.

Autism doesn't kill you though. It's scarcely comparable to cancer.

You can’t see any difference between autism and cancer? Really?

Completely agree.

The issue here is not the (potential) diagnosis or the exploration with the parents. It's the fact that he didn't wait to be alone with the parent, without the child being present, to say this.
I would be looking for another opinion (and professional), without hesitation.

Thank you - I thought I was being over sensitive that he brought this up in front of her but I feel totally sick about it and spoke like she wasn’t in the room: Considering we’d had chats the 2 appointments previous about protecting her.

the next appointment is parent only - he could of wrote this in his book and discussed next time for sure. I am unsure how to get in touch with his supervisor but I think I need too.

How did your daughter react when he asked the question? Is she aware of autism and knows it comes in all sorts of forms?

If you decide to apply for an autism assessment she will be very much involved. What are you shielding her from?

He did briefly explain it is a different way your brain works. In the car on the way home she said he was rude for saying she had ‘autism or whatever’ and she didn’t want to go back

Autism is not something to be ashamed of, there's no issue with suggesting she might be autistic in fact it might really help her to understand herself. She would have what would have been Aspergers syndrome in the good old days and it's pretty common for girls to be able to mask well at school - until they can't and the wheels start to fall of. That is what is happening now because although you say school haven't noticed anything they are in fact the reason she is now seeing a child psych.

11 year old DS's school described him as the perfect student in the part they had to fill out for his assessment and before that point no teacher had ever suggested he might be autistic - but he was still diagnosed by an NHS paediatrician in 45 minutes flat.

At some point someone has got to say it to her and better it is said to her by a doctor who doesn't see it as a terrible/shameful/upsetting thing than a hysterical parent desperately trying to downplay their overwrought emotions IMO. This sounds more like it's your issue than hers because you haven't even mentioned her reaction to this suggestion at any point in your post.

ASD and anxiety are highly comorbid. You say she has sensory issues and 'quirks'. Everything is suggesting possible ASD and now you have a psychologist confirming this. Go back and see him and see if he is able to diagnose ASD because if so you have jumped a huge queue and that will be a huge advantage to your dd. Of course you should go back and see him again and be thankful he has recognised that your dd is probably ND as this will no doubt be very useful for her, you and her teachers to know.

This is your issue OP and you need to get over it for your dd's sake. There should be no shame in her knowing she is autistic and in him telling her. In what way would him telling you first have helped? So you could gently break the 'terrible' news to her yourself?

I'd suggest he wasn't blunt OP - he was matter of fact. This isn't a death sentence, it's who she is.

Neurodiversity is definitely a possible cause for an extreme sensitivity to body changes.
Do you see it as a stigma? It's nothing to be ashamed of and not something to be whispered out of earshot of the child in case she asks what autism is. If she is autistic you need to know, and if she isn't it will be helpful to have explored and rules out the possibility.

For my eldest stepdaughter, it was a complete relief to be diagnosed, and we then had strategies to help her navigate e.g. unfamiliar but necessary appointments (you say your daughter had a meltdown about going to see the psychologist). However blunt or tactless you perceive the question to be, I would reflect on whether there might be merit on looking into your daughter's potential neurodiversity. Schools aren't experts in diagnosis, and your daughter could well be masking there. It was humbling to see how grateful my SD was to realise she had a diagnosis and wasn't 'weird' (her words) - it helped change her life.

But this has never been mentioned before, sorry that I would like to have discussed it with her first to protect her innocence. I have no intentions of applying for an assessment - this hasn’t even crossed my mind (although we are aware she has traits) so it came as quite a shock.

You are definitely not being over sensitive. It says a lot about the "professional" in question: at best, he clearly lacks experience and you don't want your child to be his guinea pig; at worst, he is profoundly insensitive to the needs of children, which makes him a bad professional to be around children. It may seem ironic, considering he is a child psychologist, but... many such cases!
Trust your gut and find another one.
I hope you find answers for your daughter 🙏💐

You are overreacting and being unreasonable. Why asked if you aren’t interested in hearing

I wonder how your reactions impacted her OP? Why would she think it was rude for a doctor to say she was autistic? Does she see 'autistic' as an insult? I hope you set her straight on all this.

This doctor may be a student but if they're seeing patients then they've probably been studying for 6 years, they're not going to be a first year undergrad merrily going around throwing out random diagnoses.

Why do you think your daughter said he was 'rude' to mention autism? Do you think that has something to do with your reaction and thoughts about autism in general? I am not sure why a discussion about autism should be handled so as to 'protect her innocence'? My eldest SD knew well from very young that she was different and when I came into her life I also strongly considered she had some kind of neurodiversity but her mother just would not countenance it. DSD had to seek her own diagnosis when she was 18, and there is still a rift with her mother about the fact she struggled at school etc without a diagnosis. In my experience (and hers), a diagnosis meant relief, and help where needed.

You say yourself that you have noticed that she had many traits of neurodiversity but haven’t considered that she might not be autistic? I regret ignoring my intuition with my daughter - who was not diagnosed until 16, when it was upsetting and identity-changing for her. She now identifies as having ADHD (which was totally disproved, btw, but it’s far less painful for her to use that mask.) I
also think you should consider that the student who brought up the subject of autism might also have been autistic himself, hence the clunky manner. A lot of people on the spectrum go into psychology or counselling.

No, I wouldn't think this is normal or good practice.

My DD has been seeing a psychologist specifically for medical trauma. The psychologist and I have talked separately about potential ASD playing a part in her experience, but the psychologist has been clear that this is not within their area of expertise so they can't really comment and certainly wouldn't come out with it so bluntly even just to me, and definitely not in front of DD.

The most anyone who is not an educational psychologist should be doing is quietly signposting towards considering a referral.

I know it's a lot to take on board but I'd suggest getting an ASD referral in asap as it's taking literally years at the moment and girls can really struggle at secondary without appropriate support at school.

I think they could have handled bringing it up better and I appreciate you may still be taking it in but kindly, whether or not you apply for an assessment isn't going to change whether or not she is autistic. What it will change is what help she gets going forward if she is autistic. And if she isn't autistic then at least you know

Advocate for your child OP. She has had severe anxiety to the point where she can’t open her mouth. You have said that you see signs of neurodiversity. You need to explore these avenues with her and make her see that there are many people who are neurodiverse but with the right support are thriving. This isn’t a time for hiding.

That’s what I thought when I read about the reaction to wobbly teeth.

They were right to say to you and your daughter. Yes return to the appointments.

I know. Which is why that wouldn't happen, and I recognise that the possible outcomes are very different. But I'm saying that for a child of that age, with limited understanding, mentioning a possible diagnosis but with no follow up possibility will be extremely anxiety inducing

I have no intentions of applying for an assessment - this hasn’t even crossed my mind (although we are aware she has traits)

Whyever not,when you know she has traits? Presumably you want help for your daughter?

Protect her innocence? I’m sorry, what the hell?

Your DD is struggling, massively, yet you won’t have her assessed in order to get to the bottom of why that is and be able to support her going forward.

I think treating autism as quite normal and nothing to whisper about will be far better for your child rape yip they do have autism