Not had a night to myself in a decade

[SummerFly]

I haven’t had a single night to myself in a decade, how I haven’t cracked up I don’t know 😂 are there any other parents who haven’t had a night without their kids in a decade? Feels like most parents get regular breaks grandparents/ exes etc how do you cope?

I don't know how you have done it! I've always had breaks!

Any reason you haven't?

We have a 2 and 3yr old, oldest 3.5. Have no local family, so first night out together was last weekend, visited family 2.5hrs away for the weekend, and went out for a gig.

My first night away from first was when I was giving birth to the second. However, now second is 2, I've finally got back to days out rock climbing in north Wales - two weekends this year, first time in 4.5yrs, since pre-pregnancy 1!

If I was single and other parent not around, I wouldn't be doing weekends away, but by this age I'd get a babysitter every so often

Babysitters don’t have kids overnight sorry if that wasn’t clear I meant anyone not had a whole night to themselves (not few hours)

A bab y sitter nanny can stay overnight in your house
Negotiate the price

What are your options? Any relatives on your side or their dad's? Parents of friends? School trips?

I imagine that would be out of most parents budgets tbf. I’d that if I had a hospital stay in an emergency etc which hasnt come up thankfully

Was just wondering how many other parents were in the same situation.

Are you single? That must be so tough. My parents used to have mine once a year for us. DH would have them once I stopped breastfeeding for a night or two.
We also used to get them to have sleepkvers and swap with friends. I know not always possible if they have SN.

Babysitters can have children over night.

The key is to find someone early on in their childhood and build up a good relationship with them so the children are familiar and comfortable with them.

Dates at home? Special movie nights, drinks in the garden (I don't drink but some nice non alcoholic cocktail) music at home etc, nights out while other partner watches children if you have a partner. It's not all exactly perfect but would hopefully keep you sane. And reminding myself that the little years will fly by and we will miss them

Never heard anyone having a paid for babysitter overnight but unfortunately finances wouldnt allow that sadly unless an emergency of course

I’m the same. Lots of people seem to have grandparents who have their kids overnight sometimes even up to a week. That includes my dm but not with my kids.
I have got used to it and actually miss the dc when any of them are away and can’t wait for them to come home. But it’s quite worrying to realise I haven’t been out for fun (even just to the local pub) for over a year and like you no nights off for ten years

How old is your youngest child, do they go to brownies/ cubs?
My parents sent me and my sister off to PGL camps when we were about 10/12. Happy memories and I'm sure my parents had a great time too!

Do you want a night by yourself alone or a night with your DH/DP? Me and DH TOGETHER have had probably three nights without children in over a decade. One was the evening before we moved house and they went to cousins as we didnt have their beds, so it wasn't a relaxing night for us.

But I personally have had loads of nights off - masses of nights away on business, with friends, whatever. Don't you ever get a night? Recent ones for me have included staying near my son when he was on a trip with friends in case he wanted to come home; staying at my mum's house when she was ill, which wasn't super fun but I did have evening and night to relax; staying away for work 2 nights; just having a night in a local hotel last year for the hell of it.

We have no family support except that one time they stayed with cousins!

You haven't answered if you have a DP? Can they not have them?

I did with my eldest two as my mum was around then . But in 13 years I’ve not had stay overs anywhere , still gone out plenty though but always come home , also have the pets so more than just my daughter as a responsibility so not a choice

glad it’s not just me at least!

I’m single I was asking if other parents are in this situation as most seem to have lots of outside help

Then it's much harder, especially if you don't have parents to help. My good friend is single and estranged from her parents. I used to have her DD round for sleepovers so she could go out. She would every now and again have our kids for a playdate to "swap".
Is there anyone you could do that with?

No I don’t have friends that would babysit

Almost 7 years here…I get it!

I thought you hadn't been out in a decade. Which would be unnecessary as even if you can't afford a babysitter you can trade babysitter favours with other mums.

No nights off not that unusual. Not everyone ditches the dc on family. Growing up I never had a night away from my parents and we lived close to family.

I haven’t been out without my kids past 3 o’clock in a decade, I didn’t say I have never had a second away from them as obviously that would be very unusual, I haven’t said I haven’t been out without them this is talking about a night it’s in my title and post.

Thank you! glad it’s not just me would kill for a lie in! 😂

You’re not alone @SummerFly . I was the same for years even though I have a DH. I did go away for a weekend when they were about 8 and 11, the next time they were teenagers. We did pay babysitters for evenings out though.

Once DD turned 18 she could “babysit” DS (then 15). He didn’t like it as apparently she’s bossy and makes him do chores. 🤣

Now he’s 16 and DD is at uni. We’ve left him alone for a night and will gradually build up.