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Parenting

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Original poster

Who is more realistic about life with a newborn?

104 replies

Heretobenosy · 21/06/2025 18:36

Currently TTC, we’re two women, and my DW will be the one to carry. She’s 33 I’m 36. We’re excited and apprehensive after a life without children so far.

From what I’ve seen on mumsnet my expectation of having a baby is that it’s going to be a little bomb going off in our lives, we will be sleep deprived, emotional, stressed and just trying to survive. We will only have one child and there’s two of us, and my aim will be to be really supportive and I’m hoping DW will be able to pump so that I can do some of the night feeds as I manage a lot better without sleep than DW. But I’ll be working full time. I think we will be wanting to stay home/local as much as possible for a while as going away will disrupt any routine we try to have.

My DWs thinks I’m being dramatic, she’s hoping that we will maximise her maternity by going on as many holidays as we can while the baby is free and small enough to put in a sling and go off doing our own thing.

I keep laughing and saying she’s going to be in for a shock, but do have to consider that this may be me catastrophising and already thinking the baby is going to destroy life as we know it (but obviously completely over the moon about that if we’re lucky enough to get pregnant.)

So who is right? Will be be jesetting with our newborn or will holidays become too much of a chore?

OP posts:

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PlantingInTheFullMoon · 21/06/2025 23:31

Optimustime · 21/06/2025 22:16

Look at how much Nd There is in the family and things like eczema. If I'd done that I could have worked out my dc would probably have allergies and never sleep. Now both diagnosed with ADHD. All the signs were there in the family tree.

100% what Optimus said! Definitely take a long hard look at the prevalence of neurodivergence (diagnosed, self-identified and presumed) and allergies in the wider family. If I'd figured this would be at all relevant, DD1's non-sleeper status wouldn't have come as a surprise; she (now diagnosed autistic) totally took after her ND dad, who needs minimal sleep, from day 1.

Babyboomtastic · 21/06/2025 23:31

VivaVivaa · 21/06/2025 22:22

But yes, lots of walking in the sling. Colicky 6w on a beach in Spain at 11pm is infinitely better than walking round the block here

To be fair, I can imagine that. My first was in lockdown so it was the local park or nothing! A sangria and 25 degrees probably would have made it more bearable.

Most women also say their second was soooo much more chilled. I can't imagine the difference is the child every time, more parental expectations and how stressed they find it makes them

In our case, eldest is AuDHD and youngest is so far seemingly neurotypical, which I do think played a part. But yes, I suppose if you are prepared for it to be sh*t it may come as less of a shock 😅

There's also how an age/stage gels with your personality. The screaming didn't get me down because I know it wasn't personal. Toddlers I found claustrophobic in comparison. Some people love that age

And yeah, to be fair, I would rather have a toddler than a newborn, easy or hard. So you are definitely right there.

Ps: my 'easier' 8 year old turned into a kid with ADHD and still isn't in bed now, despite efforts from me for the last 2 hours

I hear you and I see you comrade 🫡

Show quote history

She's still not in bed!!!
Honestly, kill me now!!

Kid slept better at 8 weeks than 8 years.

TheAmusedQuail · 21/06/2025 23:42

VivaVivaa · 21/06/2025 20:29

I think it (mostly) depends on both of you as parents rather than a baby. Some babies are definitely trickier, but often one person's easy baby is another's tricky one and vice versa

@Babyboomtastic can you please tell me who would find a baby that screams none stop, fails to gain weight, doesn’t sleep (and I mean could be awake for 8 plus hours at 4 weeks old unless bounced vigorously on a yoga ball in a pitch black room) and would scream until they were sick in every form of transport until they were well over 1 easy? Because that was our reality with DC1.

Yep. I could echo most of this. Not the parents. The baby. Parents of course have to respond to it but it can be very very traumatic. Are all babies like it? Of course not. But some are. And you can't zen mummy your way out of it.

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PlantingInTheFullMoon · 22/06/2025 11:59

@TheAmusedQuail "...you can't zen mummy your way out of it."
So true, and so much guilt, shame and anxiety could be avoided if we a) all allowed ourselves to know this to be true, and b) stopped implying it about other parents and their ways of parenting their babies. Thank you!

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