Gutted about holiday with 2 young DCs

[Startoveragain245]

Have been looking forward to this holiday for years - haven’t been abroad in 3 years.

Away with 4 and 1 year old and it’s been a nightmare. 4 yo refuses to go to kids club and has been really emotional. Running after 1 year old constantly, won’t stay in high chair for more than 5 minutes. DH and I constantly bickering because we’re stressed and exhausted.

What is the point in this, in spending all this money for this? Absolutely gutted.

The realisation that family holidays at this age are never relaxing is why I now book a mini break with friends every year beforehand 😄

What I have leant is holidays are not holidays for you when you have children. They are for the children. But we still do it.

Lower expectations and treat it as parenting just away from home.

I hated holidays until my youngest was 3. Once they the youngest was 4 years old, both children would happily go to the odd kids club together. But not alone and not every day. Holidays with a 1 year old are knackering . By the time they’re 3 they’re just easier to handle but honestly a boiling hot beach holiday doesbt suit every child

Yep, mine hate the kids clubs and refuse them too. It's not a holiday with kids, its an extended day out with all the fun that goes with it and then not having your own space to go to.
See if there is soft play, anywhere at all they can roam free in safety.
If there is a creche for the 1 year old then see if you can use that.
We spend a lot of time in the room on holiday tbh to get out of the heat in the middle of the day.
If they refuse kids club then it is relentless!

And do stuff separately.
So for example one have the younger one in a buggy and go for a walk around the town. The other one take the 4 year old to mini golf and get an ice cream. Meet for dinner.
At these ages you need to separate to get any sort of sanity.
See if there is a splash park near by with a mini area. See what indoor things there are to get out of the heat, aquariums etc.
See if there are any arty workshops for the 4 year old.
Beach days are just stressful and crap, sand everywhere, sun cream, trying not to drown. So beach days are not really possible, beach hour is managable but not beach day.
We did jamaica with a 4 year old and 1 year old, we didnt get out of the hotel apart from one trip, the hotel was huge though, splash park, all inclusive. Which i find is great for the kids, they can eat or not eat, drinks on tap, loads of activities.
Our first holiday with two kids was a disaster though, it was a boutique hotel in bournemouth, we left after the first night and went home, was hell being stuck in a beautiful but tiny room with zero hotel facilities and a screaming baby!
We learnt ovet the years what works, now we are very soecific about facilities, activities, pool types, food, room types when booking and our holidays are much better and last year.. with kids age 7 and 11.. we finally, finally had a relaxing fun holiday for everyone, i even read a book.. on holiday.. which i hadnt done since pre kids!!!
Keep trying and learning, be specific about what you book. Book family hotels with loads to do and safe splash zones and kids buffets etc near to kids type acrivities like mini golf and arcades. Its not my idea of fun going to an arcade but it certainly entertains my kids for a few hours!!

We've got 2 kids too. In the morning we go to the beach - kids love beach/sand/digging in it/making castles/looking for jellyfish/crabs/jumping waves, etc. We grab a pizza/chips for lunch and eat in the room, so it's laid back and kids can relax. Then the little one sleeps. At that time daddy or me take the older one to the pool. When the little one wakes up, we join them. And dinners - every 15-20 min I took the little one around the buffet to show him the food and choose sth. Unfortunately sometimes we had to use the tablet to keep him in his seat for longer, but that's a holiday, you just do things that work for you. At 1 they probably still drink a lot of milk, and don't eat that much, so try not to worry too much. And after dinner - a walk along the beach and ice-cream. Kids are now bigger, but that's what we did when they were small. It worked fine for us.

Imagine going on a family holiday and be pissed off over that your child wants to spend time with their parents instead of going to a club where they don’t know anyone. That is sad parenting. Poor child.

I think you need to be realistic when taking small children on holiday. Their tired, out of routine, hot, excited and full of sugar. This is a mixture for disaster. Plus add to that its not a safe environment so they need watching constantly. It is stressful but it will get better as they get older. I think you have to enjoy the little moments and accept the rest and realise its not going to be this amazing and magical time and also realise its the same for everyone. People may get some nice photos for social media but its certainly not the reality of their holiday.

It’s funny how some people here assume that all families have the same crap experience of holidays as they do.

I think it is partly adjusting your expectations but also adjusting your holidays! I have some wonderful memories of our holidays when DC were that age we didn’t try to do standard beach/pool trips.

And accept that just like day to day life with DC there will be ups and downs! One of my DC was asking me about my favourite memory and I was talking about a holiday we went on in Sweden when DC were 5 and 2. Now I know at least twice on that holiday DC reduced me to tears because it was such a stress trying to deal with them, but my memories now looking back are moments of real joy in the time we spent together.

I can imagine it, as this was me on our first big holiday. Chose a hotel with a wonderful kjds club with loads of activities and had visions of us all getting a little break from the norm. A couple of hours in the morning when the kids would be happy playing with others and let off some steam with fun activities, while we had some time to relax and be ready for an outing in the afternoon.
Its not unusual to think that the kids would enjoy this and want to do the activities, many kids do. Mine don't and it took some adjusting of our expectations for the holiday.

We didn’t do a “pool” holiday until ours were a bit older and even then we did self catering. Prior to that we did holidays in the UK where we did day trips every day.

I’m on holiday now and my 5 year old loves kids club but has only been once it doesn’t fit with our schedule. Before the age of 3 holidays are hard work. My oldest has ASD so they can be hard work still unexpected way.

You need to find time to chill. Sitting on the balcony with a drink while they nap, chatting on the beach/park while the kids play. Chatting with partner or half an hour by yourself while you chill. Life with kids is very different to life pre kids.

Not crap just not a fairytale

That I agree with.

Like PP have said - it’s not relaxing with kids. Best holidays for kids are camping/glamping where they can run round being feral ideally with other kids. Also best ones for teens are places with no WiFi, that’s for parents but makes them interact. 😁

I would totally disagree! Aside from some people hating camping the idea of having to deal in any way with other kids / other parents on holiday would make me want to go home!!

I’d rather stay at home than go camping.

No it’s sharing their experience so others can benefit.
we started self catering abroad so we could control meals, bedtimes quiet times etc. Took in laws to help with childcare (eg pool supervision) and have quality time with GC.

As older moved to glamping, so kids be feral, and hotels with facilities. DC hated kids club and tbh so did I- bored kids speaking different languages so couldn’t chat to each other, following parents schedule so if they did make friend couldn’t spend time together anyway, overly loud music or tv trying to make it feel exciting and high energy but more sensory overload. Toys broken, parts missing or exciting ones already bagged. scheduled activity mainly sit down stuff or which is ok for younger kids but they need to run around, or screens. It probably feels like being abandoned imo unless you stay. Of course they would rather spend time with mum and dad and family.

Sorry to hear this OP. I hope you will be reassured that very many parents find that ‘holidays’ with small children often feel like very hard work. It’s a different place and a different routine and lots of children don’t adapt well to that, especially if they are somewhere where the food is a bit different from home, the weather is hotter etc. If you’re next to a pool, you can’t relax because small children have to be monitored constantly. Plus the faffing with sun cream and hats… urgh- none of it is relaxing. Plus, as parents we look forward to it and need the break so we’re doubly disappointed when it doesn’t go smoothly and we don’t get to relax on the holiday that we’ve saved hard for and looked forward to.

When my children were little, we were on a tighter budget than we are now and many of our holidays were UK camping trips. We had some unbelievably shit weather on many of those trips, as you can imagine, but at least we didn’t spend much money on them. Still, it was galling to use a a chunk of annual leave and to come home feeling more knackered than we were to start with. When they were a bit older, we had a bigger holiday budget and went on some good trips to villas/BnBs in Southern Europe. We also did a big fly/drive trip to US and Canada. Those trips were genuinely brilliant because the kids were that bit older and more flexible/resilient. Mine are young adults now and they remember those damp camping trips with great fondness- just as much as the more expensive, sunny trips.

When it comes to holidays with very small children, my advice is stick to low budget and keep your expectations low! Kids clubs are a great idea but mine never went to them- they didn’t want to and I didn’t want to make them do stuff they didn’t want to on holiday.

Hope you are able to salvage some good moments for the remainder of your trip, and that your next holiday is better. 💐

We just stuck to simple UK holidays within a 2 hour radius at that age, usually a week at Center Parcs or a nice caravan holiday. The idea of spending loads of money to have to navigate airports and flights then be in a lovely location surrounded by people relaxing whilst youre chasing a toddler and changing nappies was just too stressful for me. It’s not for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that. Kids are both older and school age now and we have some lovely holidays abroad. Definitely agree with PPs that you just have to lower your expectations with children that age.

I think hotels with small children = hell
We only ever did holiday home or villa/pool holidays with groups of friends who also had children and they all played together. Plus we could take it in turns to go for a nap/keep an eye on the kids/ get up earlyish and do breakfast so we weren't totally exhausted! The kids would play late and sleep late generally and were a range of ages. It worked really well.

When dd was a bit older we went to a group of villas with a pool/bar/restaurant they had a kids club but we both worked so didn't want to put dd in there as we wanted to be with her!

Totally agree. No doubt OP wanted 'me time' to scroll her phone and not supervise the kids. Sorry, but that is not what having young children is all about.

Take this one on the chin as a learning experience to know what you need from the hotel on the next holiday, what to bring to make life easier, I love nosying at other people thinking, that’s a great idea, I’m bringing that next time. My kids (older than yours) aren’t into kids clubs either, but will drop me for a water slide, so it’s in my interest to book a hotel with a waterpark. Essentials from the hotel for my family are slides, pool depth at a sweet spot where it’s shallow enough for them to stand but deep enough to swim, Nutella for breakfast & chips for every other meal! (It’s one week of the year don’t shame me.) However you don’t know what they want from a hotel until you take them so chalk it up to experience & you will be a pro ready for planning the next one.

Wherever you go, a holiday with small children is only ever a change of scenery and never the relaxing time you hope it will be!! We only took ours camping as I refused to spend thousands on a holiday abroad which wouldn't be relaxing for any of us.