I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

Having said that, you’d have to be an old grouch to be bothered by a little kid wandering around (under supervision) now and again. I often chat and interact with kids from neighbouring tables, as I know how much I appreciated it when people did that when my kids were little.

I guess I'm an old grouch then, as I'd find it annoying and distracting. I don't go to restaurants to entertain other people's children.

I think they need to eat out to get used to eating out. However if you know your daughter doesn’t sit well, ensure you go to kid friendly places and have ample activities for her. Doesn’t sound like it was particularly child friendly. I personally wouldn’t wait until my kid was 4+ to go out for a meal with them like PP’s have suggested though. I’ve got children and I couldn’t be arsed for other peoples children coming up to our table, whether my DD’s were there or not tbh.

She watched a few videos, then got bored and was wandering around.... do people not interact with their kids in these situations anymore? What happened to taking some toys or a magazine, or just trying to keep them engaged?

Parent your child

I agree with every point you’ve made tbh

The kid was lucky she only got pointed at.
I'm buckled in for an evening of amazing comments. Don't let me down, MN!

I never let my kids walk around the restaurant, they could trip waiters and waitresses carrying trays of drinks and hot food, and I personally don't like kids constantly walking past my table while I'm eating and then I also have to explain to my kids why they can't walk around too.

If there is a child play area in the garden one of us might take them to play while we wait for our food, but otherwise they have a couple of toys and colouring to amused themselves with and we engage them in conversation, and that's usually sufficient to entertain them for the whole two hours for a standard 3 course meal. I try not to resort to screen time personally.

Basically
Parent allows toddler to irritate entire restaurant.
Parent fails to keep child and others safe from adults walking around with hot food and drinks, cutlery on plates ect.
Parent fails to teach child appropriate social skills for how to behave in a restaurant.
Parent then complains her feelings are hurt.

It's easier to give a child a screen and let them run riot than it is to actually parent them. We all have this choice.
One choice results in children who know how to behave in different settings, and the other irritates the fuck out of everybody around them.

Brought two kids up into adulthood…bums on seats! That applies to restaurants, cinemas, especially airplanes…no one wants to see kids running around restaurants getting g in the way of serving staff, or running up and down the aisle of airplanes…it’s not the other patrons’ or staff’s job to entertain or keep an eye on your child. Sorry but you asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly. I've been to many Mediterranean countries and it's definitely not the norm for very young children to wander round restaurants unaccompanied. As for the usual straw men on these threads, saying we want children to be seen and not heard is the exact opposite to what people are saying. They should precisely be attended to and entertained BUT by the people they came with.

Why do you think it’s acceptable to have your little one walk around a restaurant?! Other people are paying for their meals and also have gone out for a meal with friends/family. I have quite a few children and it would irritate me tremendously seeing parents letting their child walk around like you’ve described. That aside it’s dangerous.

This is a joke post/reverse…surely?!

If not then you displayed some shockingly bad parenting. To start with engage with your child, take a bag of small fidget toys/colouring/stickers. Screens should be a last resort if your child is restless at the end, not your go to distraction the whole time.

letting your child wander around is unsafe, lazy and disrespectful of the staff and other diners. Your poor parenting shouldn’t impact on other people’s experience.

When a fiftysomething points a finger, terrible things ensue.

It’s incredibly dangerous. I worked in a restaurant as a student and remember once during the busy lunch rush coming out of the “Out” doors carrying hot and heavy plates and tripping on a small child sat playing right by the door where you can’t see through the window on exit. How I didn’t also drop the plates on her I do not know as I dropped a gravy boat off one of the plates onto the floor right next to her. And the bloody parents looked at me like I was somehow in the wrong just going about my job.
So no, I know you think your child is cute (I think mine are too) but the fact of the matter is not everyone thinks they are, and in a restaurant setting they are actually a danger to people walking around carrying hot plates.
If your child gets hurt, although that’s on you, do you not have any empathy for how the poor wait staff who accidentally injures her might feel?
No one expects perfect behaviour from young children but it’s YOUR job to teach them correct behaviour in a restaurant. If you aren’t stopping her running over and disturbing other people and potentially getting in the way of those trying to work then you shouldn’t be taking her there.

Well, if you parented your own child then others wouldn’t have to. It’s not safe for a child to be wandering around a restaurant. You’re supposed to try teaching your children how to behave in different situations and you failed.
I’m sure the others didn’t ’appreciate’ it, they were just being polite and friendly to a child.

Every time I’ve seen children wandering around restaurants, it’s usually because the adults they’re with just aren’t interested and are too busy talking amongst themselves or looking at their phones. I literally seen a little boy around 3 wandering around in one last week, he was with 4 adults who weren’t even looking at him most of the time. He fell up a step multiple times, bumped into people and almost walked out the door when someone was leaving! Ridiculous…

She's not entirely unsupervised. I'm trailing behind her but not that close as she just wants to wander around the area on her own …

So, of course, you let her. She’s three years old, let her do what she wants. It’s a great way to bring up a child 🙄

Can you imagine if everyone let their kids wander around restaurants? If your child cannot behave in a restaurant then don’t take her to one. It’s not surprising someone commented on it.

Do you also play music loudly on your phone when on public transport and wonder why people glare at you? 😄

Blimey.

I went out for a lovely meal with DP last week. Family a few tables away had a four year old playing on a tablet with the volume so high I could hear it over the background music. Child then had a tantrum and ran around the restaurant. I cannot tell you how much badly behaved kids in restaurants piss me off. I don't eat in 'family friendly' restaurants for this reason. I do not want to hear your child. I certainly don't want to engage with your child.

With mine, I always took books, colouring, and quiet games you can play with pen and paper. You do actually have to entertain your own kid. And if they play up, leave.

She's not entirely unsupervised. I'm trailing behind her but not that close as she just wants to wander around the area on her own.

That's not hugely better. If I'm having a chat with friends I don't want the distraction of people wandering randomly round the restaurant. Obviously people arrive and leave, or go to the loo, but it's not a park. Just sit down, and if you can't do that, don't go.

If your DD needs to run around while waiting for her food go to a wacky warehouse!

We used to have a specific bag of colouring etc in the car for restaurants so we were ready and could eat out with no bother. 3 is the perfect time to start this but also pick your restaurants to practice (nowhere fancy) and be consistent. She’ll pick it up quickly enough.

Please tell me you had headphones on with the videos?

Honestly, if your child cant sit quietly when you are eating out (by quietly, I dont mean silent, I just mean so they are not disturbing anyone else unnecessarily) then maybe you need to look at getting that sorted. If you know your kid wont behave (on an typical day) after sitting at a table for eg 30mins then account for that.and know you'll need to leave then. Otherwise its no fun for her, you or anyone else.

Honestly, in the last 15 years there has been such a decline in table manners and actual parenting in a restaurant. Stick a screen in front of them and make everyone listen to it and then ignore them when they start wondering around getting under the feet of the staff.

Agree small toys (little figures) can also help to play with on the table.

Mine used to love it when we (usually my mum) got a pot of tea. She’d ask for a little cup (e.g. expresso cup) for them and help them pour out a little bit of tea, lots of milk and a little bit of sugar to stir in. They used to keep asking if she wanted/they could have more so they could keep serving. Quite some feat to keep three generally unruly young DS’s entertained.

We also used to let them place their own order, even as toddlers, as it made them feel very grown up and involved. So, we’d chat through the options and what they’d ask for before the waiting staff came.

Over the years, we encountered some wonderful waiting staff, who loved kids, e.g. the odd magic trick, chatting about Batman or football with them. I’ve done a lot of waiting jobs myself and always loved serving tables with kids, as long as the parents don’t let them get in the way.

You’re on a parenting forum. Try parenting your child. You’d be the first one bleating if she got hot liquid split on her / injured herself in some other way whilst “wandering around waving” 🙄