I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

Sure, in more informal/outdoor sort of places. But in an enclosed space where tables are quite close together and staff are carrying hot food and drinks? (I spend every summer in a Mediterranean country btw).

So you don’t think a wandering small child may have hot food or drink spilt on them in a busy restaurant? Or even a plate or glass of cold food or drink.

I‘m aghast that you would think it’s safe.

By pointing a finger do you mean this? ( I mean the adult in this image)

In which case yabu to think that it’s worse than letting your child talk to strangers and walk around a restaurant with hazards like hot plates and drinks.

It’s hard taking very young children to restaurants which explains why many resort of buffets or fast food so the wait is shorter. If you have to eat at a restaurant then you have to be creative and do things like the adults already there ordering for you (many restaurants have their menus online ) or if there’s more than one adult then they take the child outside for a run where it’s safer.

Your child talking to strangers may be cute to you but isn’t necessarily welcome to others who may want peace and quiet or to chat privately without distraction room.

I agree. I also don’t understand how a child walking past a table would be bothering other diners? It’s a tiny little faux pas in the grand scheme of things. I just hope the OP isn’t too disheartened by these comments, in a few years her DD will be able to sit at a table and all of this won’t even be a passing thought.

You may need more than just one carton..... .😆

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom nobody's calling the child dangerous , but a child running round a restaurant where staff are carrying plates of food is an accident waiting to happen

I agree. At home, it’s important to sit at a table to eat and chat/socialise.

Then, they get used to it and don’t find it difficult to do it while they’re out. Which means you can go out with them more.

Even if you have no space for a dining table, you can use a fold up one. It’s always been a non-negotiable in our home: the whole family eats dinner together at the table. Now they’re young adults and in their own rooms most of the time, it’s usually the one time of day we’re all together and chat have heated debates.

As they sat at the table (in a high chair obvs) from 6 months old, they were generally fine when we were eating out, as long as we interacted with them and/or had books or pencils with us.

I always carry a pen and notebook in my bag, so we could play Noughts and Crosses, Hangman (gruesome, I know) etc. But I Spy and The Alphabet Game can be played without any equipment. The Alphabet Game is where you decide on the category (animals, toys, countries etc) and take it in turns to name one beginning with each letter of the alphabet. They don’t have to know their letters or how to read, as they can go on sounds, e.g. “an animal beginning with b (“buh”). We sometime had hilarious ones, which didn’t actually begin with that letter. My DS used to think “football” started with a P (“putball”).

I take your point, but I think different cultures may have different approaches to this and I am always shocked at the way, even now, and despite lip-service to the contrary, the Victorian maxim that children should be seen but not heard often prevails in the UK (in my experience).

YABVVU and ridiculous.

In my experience in Mediterranean countries, it has not been, no.

We're not in a Mediterranean country

The child isn't dangerous, you muppet! It's dangerous FOR the child. Hot food, knives, trip hazards, etc.

She's 3 years old and I can't really hold her still or else she would cry which I think would make everyone's experience worst.

Then don't take her to restaurants.

And very sad that is, for numerous reasons, not least attitude to children in restaurants, @choccytime. Perhaps you could learn from other people’s experiences, in places other than the UK, or do you prefer to remain blinkered?

Do you wear Victorian dresses?

If she won't stay in at your table, you don't take her out to a restaurant! It's dangerous for her and the servers, and annoying for other guests.

So the waiting staff are so incompetent they can’t deal with this kind of thing and look out for it? FGS. I give up. Thank God I left England a long time ago.

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom the thread is about a child running round a restaurant in England not a Mediterranean country . There will be staff carrying hot plates of food it is dangerous do you need it spelling out

I guess it’s teaching them social norms/socially acceptable behaviour. Adults wouldn’t wander around a restaurant going up to other diners, so you have to explain to them that’s not what we do and why (to be considerate and not get in people’s way).

Having said that, you’d have to be an old grouch to be bothered by a little kid wandering around (under supervision) now and again. I often chat and interact with kids from neighbouring tables, as I know how much I appreciated it when people did that when my kids were little.

I’ve lived in a Mediterranean country with young kids and, while it’s very common for people to dine out with children and children are welcomed by staff, most parents, grandparents, friends etc, interact with and entertain children at the table, take it in turns to sit them on their lap if they get restless and/or take them outside for a bit if they do.

This. She's clearly not ready for restaurants.

Was there a reason you had to go to a restaurant? Many children can't sit nicely for long until they're 4 or 5. Until our kids could sit through a meal without fuss we just didn't go to restaurants - we cooked at home or, if away, got takeaways or something quick in a cafe rather than a drawn out meal. It's not nice for other diners and it's not relaxing for you either, so unless you really need to (family birthday or something) why do it?

We ‘practise’ at home. DC love having a meal out and we talk about what is expected and they have to demonstrate they can do this at home for at least a few weeks to earn the treat of going out!

We keep small toys that are only used for being out of the house so they are more exciting. Although a waiter pointed out to me that toy cars are dangerous as waiting staff can slide on them too easily.
If it’s an evening meal would probably take a game too.
If it’s impromptu even pretending cutlery or napkins are puppets and telling a story or playing I spy etc, taking turns telling a story.

And as other posters have said don’t be afraid to take them outside to speak to them / calm down or for a quick wander.
We’ve left restaurants twice (obvs paid the bill before we did!) because DC behaviour wasn’t acceptable and we didn’t want to spoil it. I feel it reinforced what is expected and we explained to them why we were leaving and how we would practise at home
and then try again when they were better at it!

It would absolutely not be due to the waiting staff's incompetence if a toddler grabbed a sharp knife off a table, or tripped over a chair leg, or ran into someone carrying hot food and drinks, causing them to spill. They are not babysitters. It would be due to the parents' incompetence.

For what it's worth, I'm also grateful you left England a long time ago so that I'll never have to share a restaurant with your offspring!

I’m bowing out now, I apologize for my rudeness to certain posters and I don’t want to carry on with a futile argument where I am clearly at cross-purposes with many of you.

But how is there a difference in the ‘danger’ scale between the UK and med?