I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

A child will not be traumatised for life by having a finger pointed at them. On the other hand if a restaurant server tripped over a child while carrying a teapot of just boiled water a child might have a lifetime of pain from related burn injuries.

Restaurants have chairs and tables for several reasons, one of which is that it makes it easier for them to negotiate a room without worrying about damaging the paying customers.

What do you mean, ‘one of them wouldn’t sit’? Who is in charge here? The child? If she’s that in control now, heaven help you when she’s a teen! You need to be a parent not a pushover.
I know you won’t like what I’ve said, but that’s my opinion, and I’m entitled to it,
Have I got children? Yes, two, plus 4 grandchildren and a great- grandchild.
Were/are they ever allowed to behave in this way? No.
Are they unhappy about that? No, not at all, and where it applies, they are bringing their children up in the same way.
If you start when they are small, it soon sinks in, and going out for meals will be a pleasure, not a trial, or something to be avoided.

surely this is a wind up

What ‘she just wants’ is irrelevant. This kind of thinking is exactly the problem. It’s a restaurant, not what little Esme fancies doing today

1.Why is the lady’s age relevant? 2. why did you let your child wander round the restaurant? Apart from anything else, it’s dangerous for her with servers carrying plates of food about.

You trailing around the restaurant with her waving people is disturbing everyone. Stop it.
She is 3. You have time to sort this but it means firm boundaries and really, if she doesn’t behave then you get up and leave. If you don’t sort it now, you will have a primary aged kid who is a total nightmare.

A 3 year old can absolutely sit at a table for a meal if you have parented them properly.

Thats even worse! Two people wandering aroind a restaurant where the other diners are trying to enjoy a meal, I'm surprised some mild finger pointing was the only reaction you encountered

Like most things teaching children the expectations of social behaviour starts at home.

So welcome to Day 1 of being a better parent. Only taken you three years to get there, but never mind.

She's three! She doesn't get to decide that she wants to 'wander around the area on her own'. Who's in charge here? Your DD. Who should be in charge? You.

Edited for typo

She's 3 years old and I can't really hold her still or else she would cry

So, let her cry.
Even better take something that engages her and keeps her sat at the table. Or don't take her out to eat until she can sit still long enough.

I think you're being slightly unrealistic, not everyone can afford to go out for meals as training exercises for their children to sit still. Some young children just can't manage that.

You don’t have to go out. Teaching your child to sit still at a table starts at home

So welcome to Day 1 of being a better parent. Only taken you three years to get there, but never mind.

I also posted that the OP shouldn't have let her child wander.

But you are taking the opportunity to dig your claws in. It's not on and its not helpful.

I’m glad you’ve acknowledged you were in the wrong @TheMaryClaire. There is still time to teach your child that going out for a meal means sitting nicely at the table. Ice cream for pudding is a good bribe if you need it (but do not cave if she doesn’t deserve any!).

Children absolutely need to learn to modify their behaviour depending on circumstances - restaurants, libraries, hospitals, churches are all examples of where kids need to be polite and quiet.

Mine are teenagers now and can be horrible shits at home sometimes, but they totally know they cannot act up at school or at grandmas or while we’re out doing something nice. Part of life.

Maybe you need to clip your own scratchy claws before you start talking about other peoples claws.

Did the lady flip the bird? If not I’m not understanding you’re reaction.

You don't need to hold her still. You need to parent her. When I take my kids out for dinner I go prepared. At your daughters age I would have put her in the high chair and entertained her. I would have brought magic water books and some toys. I would have chatted and played eye spy. I might have let her have a bit of tablet time with headphones on. I absolutely would have let her disturb other people. If they kick off you take them outside and give a good talking to. Second time we leave.

My kids are 5 and 6 now. I still take coloring books and we play a guessing game. I describe an animal ir fruit and they have to guess it or we play a memory game.

No claws here. I just detest bullying.

@TheMaryClaire you need to teach her how to cope with getting told no. You are the parent why are you letting her wander round. My niece 2.5 and will sit throughout meal with drawing, playing with blocks etc no tablet or phone in sight and she doesn’t ask for them either.

Thank you for these lovely suggestions! I'll make sure to do that next time. We rarely go outside to eat, so I am absolutely not prepared enough to keep her entertained.

Strangely the children I've encountered in my life, and I include my own in that, don't always behave the same in public as in the house but good that you did parenting of small children well. I was merely acknowledging that life is not always as simple as you were suggesting

Ah tell you what, you're totally right. Children should be allowed to do exactly as they want no matter who they piss off, and no one else should be allowed to say a thing. Your child, your rules.

Little preparation is needed. Just put books, scrap paper and crayons in your bag as you leave the House.

She's not "entirely unsupervised" ? What? She should be entirely supervised in a restaurant. Who would you blame if a tray of hot drinks was dropped on her because she got under the servers feet??

Genuine question @TheMaryClaire - is your child able to sit and eat a meal at home? I mean, sat at the table with you/family for a decent length of time, without the telly on or having an iPad or similar?