When does 2 kids feel easier?

[AMagnaMater]

With my first time started to feel easier around 4 months and even more so at 6, and it jsut got easier and easier as time went on.
With two kids, one nearly 4 now and baby just turned 1, it still feels really hard, I still feel in survival mode.
I had ppd after my first, and not this time round, so I definitely thought it'd be easier. Going from 0 to 1 kids was an absolute shock to my system, but from 1 to 2, I don't think I was as shocked even though it felt like I got no rest. So why am I struggling so much still, I can't even look one day ahead, I'm still living day by day.
It might be because external help fo village is limited, or that my 1 year old is still breastfeeding, won't take a bottle, will only feed to sleep and doesn't stay too long with anyone else.

TlDdr when does survival mode with 2 kids end, or when does life with 2 kids feel easier?

Holidays are so much easier with two as they get older as they have each other to play with. Friends who only have one found the younger years easier but now don’t find holidays very relaxing as someone always needs to be entertaining their child. It’s worth it and you’ll look back at the chaos and see the funny/beautiful bits that might seem a bit hard to do right now

Haha fully agree with this

Yes I do need to let go of expectations. I think I just struggle having to do everything for the child, not that I can say I'm much better with the tantrums. I suppose I can accept that it's always going to be a different type of hard, it would avoid the disappointment

That sounds like something really lovely to look forward to.

In my experience, it’s when the youngest is around 4.

I think it's when the youngest is old enough to manage things like stairs and the toilet without adult help and the oldest is old enough to do a few things for the youngest they can't manage on their own, and between them they can keep themselves alive and out of any dangerous mischief for 30-60 minutes. For us they are nearly 4 and nearly 7 and we are just about there now, but I reckon you could get there by about 2 and 5 (my 6yo is not neurotypical).

4 seems such a long way away

Hopefully in a years time, I'm so disappointed to realise that's a whole year after what I thought.it would be. Had thought I could do some stuff this year lol

Mine are 2 and 4 and my god it's hard work! I'm waiting for it to get easier. All they do is fight constantly, hit, bite each other, take each others toys. Constant screaming, crying, tantrums, it's exhausting! So from my experience it got harder not easier when they reached these ages.

I think when the younger one is 4 it gets a lot easier. And then again once both in school.

We have 1 and if we want a relaxing holiday, we leave our child with the grandparents for a week 🤣.

Not sure my post will help you but I don’t think it gets easier really. I have 3 and they are currently 12,10 and 9. I guess there was a window where it was “easier” when they were about 7,5 and 4. But for us as we prepared for the 11 plus that was intense. And now our eldest is a pre teen and oh my god there’s days that it’s really hard going. So my guess it’s when they are all out of the house! 🤭😂. Hang in there OP.

I had a newborn when my eldest was just over 2.5 years. It's definitely hard work. Mine are 12 and 9 now. The 12 year old is hard work still for different reasons.

Just remember the days are long but the years are short.

I used to think this as well! However we went away with friends where they both had 1 kid each and found they entertained themselves very easily whilst my ones wanted dad to play with them by the pool, play with a ball and other things. So I think it really depends on the child.

I have a smaller age gap 2 1/2 yrs, I’d say it got easier when youngest was about 2 1/2 maybe more like 3 to be honest. Although zero to 2 with hard. Up until age 2 she wld still wake during the night and sometimes just cry or be upset and awake for an hour. So probably after 2 it did get easier but a lot easier by age 3.

It may not feel it right now but honestly it goes by in a flash and Ul look back and miss them at this age.

Mine are 8 and 5 now and love this age.

I think kids get 'easier' around the time they are 3, no matter how many kids you have. So when the youngest is 3! That being said, my two big ones (7 and 3) do fight a lot too and create soooo much housework/tidying now too, with their love of very elaborate role play games involving vast amounts of props, and crafting. So there are new challenges that come too.

It's so hard isn't it 😫 mine do the constant crying tantrums already and my eldest hasn't stopped yet!

I think it'll only be easier for me when my youngest goes to school 😭 my 4 year old on his own is a breeze compared to my baby, or even them together. Although he still can be difficult, I can manage him on his own.

If only they were free 😪

Idk I suppose easier than now at least? I can't deal honestly. I'm really struggling 😩

Exactly this!

Thanks for saying it is hard work. Both grandmother's seem to have forgotten how hard it is or maybe they were just more apt for motherhood than I am. I could do with a lot more help.

Interesting!

I do miss the newbirn stage, I know I'll miss it, I jsut wish I had the opportunity and the village to beabel to soak it up and not count down to bedtime and waste time scrolling/or catching up on housework/preparing for the next day. I wish I could just properly relax and enjoy that time too. Haha

Wait until you have teenagers and Grandmothers can't help because you are looking after them too, oh and the menopause in case it wasn't shit enough...