3 year old at wedding

[pizzaforwho]

We have a wedding coming up where DD is a flower girl. She’s generally well behaved, but is very much a child who needs loads of exercise and stimulation in a day. Obviously we’ll bring snacks, quiet toys etc etc but any ideas of novel (and quiet!) things I could give her for during the speeches and meal?
I feel like a wedding is such a long day for a little one, and she’s going to be quite bored by that time and unlikely to want to sit still for hours on end!

Yes - I suppose it depends on whose wedding it is etc. last wedding I attended was a friend we’d met at NCT and all the kids were there. It was no issue, kids sat for speeches. They’re usually quite busy.

Contrast to SIL wedding where our kids were the only ones invited and I ended up leaving early!

Guaranteed the OP and her husband will have a better time if their toddler is with her grandparents that day

guaranteed

The op says very few children

Yes, three courses. With plenty of time between and during to get a break. And when photos are being done is usually when people are otherwise aimlessly milling about and chatting so a long period where running off energy is exactly what could be happening.

If I had a three year old I was close enough to to ask to be a flower girl I would be inviting her and genuinely meaning it. Why would anyone request that and not really mean it? I would be disappointed if the parents didn't want to bring her but understand if they'd prefer to go child free.

I would have loved to take mine to a wedding at that age though. They would have loved it.

@Ythefucknot My DC have been on a climber a mountain, been on steam train ride, been paddling, played rounders and croquet, spent the whole afternoon on the adventure playground, taken part in a play with swotdfighting, played poohsticks, and danced until they were sweaty messes at ceilidh or disco, all at weddings. That’s in addition to other small entertainments like playing with the other children, glitter painting, bubbles, a storyteller, Photo Booth, picnic type stuff.

Sounds like a child focussed village fete rather than a wedding.

Because the bride thinks that the OP, her friend’s will actively want her toddler there and is doing it as a gesture to her friend

@DappledThings the OP’s “preference” is for the grandparents to have her child for the day.

You think the bride has actively invited the child to have a role in the wedding, and responded to OPs open suggestion of not bringing her with the reassurance she really wants her just to make the OP happy? Is really likely to be trying herself in knots that way? More likely she just genuinely wants the child there.

Then it's up to her if she wants to do that. But it really isn't that big a challenge or unpleasant experience to have a small child at a wedding.

No

but my point is… when grandparents are available and she could have a fab day with them, why not let her go and have fun with them and you and partner kick back and genuinely enjoy and be involved with your good friend’s very special day

Yep

I think when a bride hands out roles it is a gesture to to the parent of what the parent means to them. Rather than her desperate for a toddler to be at her wedding

Horses for courses! I think my 3 year old would have had a fab day at a wedding and I would have enjoyed it too. Neither preference is wrong. The only wrong thing is your assertion that the grandparents option is 100% the better experience for everyone in all circumstances.

Can you bring a grandparent to whisk her away once the sit down meal starts or hire a babysitter for the day to help entertain her?

Exactly!

This OP’s preference is like mine would be though.

Is it a Catholic or civil ceremony?

Civil ceremony are only a matter of 20 minutes long - if that.

I think it would be a shame for the bride and your daughter to miss out on the flower girl experience.

Being a flower girl your daughter will be getting lots of attention from the wedding guests and given more of a get-out-of-jail-card for behaviour mishaps.

Is there any other kids going? Or is it child-free minus the bridal party? We were at a wedding a few weeks ago and the kids had a blast. During the mingling the kids all played on the grass. During dinner/speeches they were all given party bags then ten minutes later kids from the ages of 2 to 9 (had never met before) had found themselves a corner to swap stickers/play with bubbles/balance napkins on their heads.

Then the kids joined in for the disco. My 2-year-old was awake until 10!

Can your parents pick up your DD at bedtime/an hour after the disco starts?

What kind of wedding is it? My kids have loved the ones we've been to because they were big raucous family dos where other kids were running round in little groups and got to stay up late. If it's more formal then suggestions about getting her out early or after her duties sound good.

Organise a babysitter and have her picked up as soon as she’s done with the flower girl duties. If that is absolutely not possible and she must remain for the speeches and meal then one of you takes her outside during the speeches and for large chunks of the meal.

Grandma has said she’ll be on hand for whenever we need (thankfully wedding is very close by & I’m aware how lucky we are to have such a willing helper), so if needs be, DD can go home as soon as the ceremony is over. I hope it won’t come to that, but the option is there.
to answer a couple of other questions, the wedding itself is a civil ceremony but will be quite formal. They’ve went all out on the high end extras and the bride is quite traditional in her planning for the day.
there will be a handful
of other children there, but all slightly older - I think the next youngest is 5, maybe 6.
I’ve got lots of tips for things to keep her occupied, and thanks to this thread I have reset my expectations of her being expected to sit nicely for ages throughout the speeches & meal