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Original poster

3 year old at wedding

68 replies

pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 07:57

We have a wedding coming up where DD is a flower girl. She’s generally well behaved, but is very much a child who needs loads of exercise and stimulation in a day. Obviously we’ll bring snacks, quiet toys etc etc but any ideas of novel (and quiet!) things I could give her for during the speeches and meal?
I feel like a wedding is such a long day for a little one, and she’s going to be quite bored by that time and unlikely to want to sit still for hours on end!

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Original poster
pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 12:26

KmcK87 · 05/06/2025 11:12

I’ve just had my own wedding where my mum had to leave with my 2 year old before food was even served because he just wasn’t having it. He refused to sit for the actual ceremony so me and my husband both had to hold him at some point during it, he just wanted to run around barefoot and touch plugs, decor etc. Someone smashed a glass and he refused to put his shoes back on so it was game over. We were so stressed and behind in getting photos taken ( no one was really up for helping with him apart from my mum) that my mum stepped in and took him home.
Weddings aren’t really for children, not toddlers anyway imo.

I hope you were able to relax and enjoy your day more later on

OP posts:
doodleschnoodle · 05/06/2025 12:29

We took 3yo DD1 and 6mo DD2 to a wedding. It was fine tbh, after the short ceremony there was a lot of kind of milling about where we took them to the outside bit and they ran about, and then at the table for dinner we had colouring, some Lego, little gifts to unwrap when she started getting fractious but actually she was so excited about all the new people at the table that she behaved really well. Then she loved the dancing, and ended up finding a table of other kids and sat with them to do some craft stuff. We were there till 10.30pm and we only left because me and DH were tired, DD1 was still going strong! DD2 was asleep in her pram at side of dance floor. For speeches I think one of us just took her outside for a run about or into another part of venue for a bit when she was getting restless.

The bag of goodies really helped, and them being wrapped up added a bit more time/excitement to it. We just had little things like little figurines, a slinky, stuff like that.

But children are all so different, as well as vibes of weddings being different. This wedding was relaxed and there were plenty of other kids so it wasn’t stressful, but a very formal wedding with hardly any kids would have been a different experience.

Coffeeishot · 05/06/2025 12:35

pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 12:17

Thank you everyone. I don’t think they expect her to sit nicely for the whole day, but definitely
for the meal time. We plan on taking her out for a huge runaround after the ceremony and before the meal, and her grandma is picking her up early evening (and can also be on hand throughout the day if we ask her to). I’d also take her out straight away if she was making a noise or running around inappropriately.

I think my main concern is they don’t have kids themselves yet, and there won’t be many kids there, so any overtired, non compliant, behaviour might been seen as ‘naughty’. She’s not naughty, but she is 3…😂

They know.her so they will know her personality and they have asked her so if she isn't "perfect " that is on them imo. She might just have a great time and be not a bit of bother, but if she is a bit fidgety it's fine, it sounds like you have it in hand.

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3 year olds Behaviour & development Families Weddings
heldinadream · 05/06/2025 12:36

pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 12:21

Oh and also just to add, we said to the couple very early on that we had zero expectations of DD coming along and we’d totally understand if it was an invite for DH and I only. If I’m entirely honest, my preference would be to leave her with grandparents but the couple actively want her there and to be a part of their day.

Do they want her there like they want fresh peonies on the tables and a three tier cake? Or do they want her there because she's an important person to them in her own right and they love her?
If it's really more the first, and you'd rather, as you say, leave her behind, then really you need to revisit whether she's coming at all. Best of luck!

BeGreyFinch · 05/06/2025 12:38

I think it's just a bit too much hassle to try to have fun and make sure your kid is happy. They won't remember the wedding, and you will, so I think it would make more sense to get a nanny to go with you, or just leave them at hope.

purplecorkheart · 05/06/2025 12:45

Are there going to be other children at the wedding? Are you staying at the venue. If you are I would ask my Mom to come and hang in the room/hotel area and you could bring her out if she is getting bored etc

You could make up a surprise bag of things and let her pick one item every once and a while so she does not get bored. Bring plenty of snack and drinks. I have been to weddings where kids were not catered for to their taste.

PurpleThistle7 · 05/06/2025 12:54

I would have her there for the ceremony and then have your mum come get her. The speeches and sitting around for a long meal would not have been enjoyable for my toddlers - or me at that age! By the time there’s pictures, sitting around, ceremony, faffing etc it will be a really long day already

starinsainity · 05/06/2025 12:56

Keep your expectations low, and I am sure she will surprise you.
Hopefully there ceremony won't be too long and she will be able to handle that, but have a exit strategy (who will take her out at the first sign of trouble) make sure your on the edge of a row if you can to slip out with minimal distribution.
For the meal - I wouldn't plan on keeping her sat down for much longer than to eat her own food, tag team taking her out but also letting her go and say Hi to other people (in between courses), especially if it with family and friends she is familiar with. Likewise the speeches, have an exit strategy planned.
As for quiet toys to help keep her still, fidget spinner/popit toys are a hit with mine, colouring books and sticker books (I always bring a spare incase there's another kiddo), small world type characters, maybe a magazine if she's into that kind of thing. Small pot of bubbles are good for burning off energy outside too, especially if you want to keep them semi contained to a specific area.

Fieldsandfireflies · 05/06/2025 13:01

We always got our children picked up before the dinner and speeches and it was great! It's boring for the child and stressful for you. The bride and groom have said they'd like her there but when it actually comes to it they will be so wrapped up in their day they they probably wouldn't notice either way. I'd just get her collected before the meal.

LightDrizzle · 05/06/2025 13:04

If grandma is planning to take her in the evening could she not take her after the ceremony and photos instead? Then you can relax and enjoy the wedding breakfast and speeches.

Emmz1510 · 05/06/2025 13:05

All these people saying three year olds can’t cope with all day weddings, don’t be ridiculous! I’ve been to plenty weddings where children this age and younger have lasted the day no problem. She’ll enjoy lots of attention and who knows a three year old who doesn’t love to run around the huge dance floor and have a bit of a dance with everyone else. Take some activities if you think you’ll need them, especially for the photo part which can involve a lot boring sitting around. A stroller to nap in if she gets tired. Are you staying at the venue? Might be an idea for you or OH to be prepared to nip off with LG later in the evening if she’s tired and needs her bed.

Original poster
pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 13:30

Emmz1510 · 05/06/2025 13:05

All these people saying three year olds can’t cope with all day weddings, don’t be ridiculous! I’ve been to plenty weddings where children this age and younger have lasted the day no problem. She’ll enjoy lots of attention and who knows a three year old who doesn’t love to run around the huge dance floor and have a bit of a dance with everyone else. Take some activities if you think you’ll need them, especially for the photo part which can involve a lot boring sitting around. A stroller to nap in if she gets tired. Are you staying at the venue? Might be an idea for you or OH to be prepared to nip off with LG later in the evening if she’s tired and needs her bed.

The dancing part I’m certain she’ll enjoy! We’re definitely going to bring plenty of activities and be ready to take her away to burn energy at any opportunity.

OP posts:
Original poster
pizzaforwho · 05/06/2025 13:31

The responses have helped & reassured, thank you all.

OP posts:
lessglittermoremud · 05/06/2025 14:11

Mine have gone to family weddings at a similar age where they were the only children, I packed loads of snacks, colouring books, sticker books, small mini pots of play doh, a small chopping board for the play doh and some cutters.They didn’t really struggle at all because one of us took them outside to race around for the bits that needed them to be quiet (whoever wasn’t related to the bride and groom went outside) and the the rest of the time they wandered around mingling with relatives, sat at the table playing/eating.
They were then collected before the evening stuff started, I’m sure she’ll be fine and love wearing a special dress ❤️

DappledThings · 05/06/2025 14:18

Loads of people get up and move about during the meal. People go to the loo, some might go out to smoke or vape. We did what I've seen other couples do and walk around to talk to the different tables between courses.

Nobody expects you to sit quietly for the entire meal. It's fine to get up and let her run around outside for a bit during it.

It's not really a day where there's much need to sit quietly at all. I would have loved to take DC at that age. We had two weddings with DC1 at 12 weeks and 8 months and then nothing till he was and DC2 was 7.

MarioLink · 05/06/2025 14:19

Make sure she has a practice of walking up the aisle at the service and tell her everyone will be quiet to hear the bride, groom and minister. Agree who will take her out if she causes a fuss and make sure they are on the end of an aisle. Bring some colouring and small quiet toys for waiting for the food. I wouldn't expect her to sit through speeches, if she finds them boring then one of you takes her outside to run around. My kids have loved weddings, playing in hotel gardens and beautiful locations, confetti new food, the dancing.

OrangePineapple25 · 05/06/2025 14:20

justgoandgetpizza · 05/06/2025 09:27

I’m surprised at the ‘I wouldn’t take her’ type responses. We’ve been to weddings with ours and one of us just took them out for a little walk during the speeches.

Same.

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:21

If I’m entirely honest, my preference would be to leave her with grandparents but the couple actively want her there and to be a part of their day.

They are being polite OP. Really.

Please don’t subject your DD to hours and hours of this, nor yourself!

Her grandparents will spoil her rotten and she’ll have a lovely day with them. Meanwhile you will have a lovely day celebrating your friend’s wedding

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:23

OrangePineapple25 · 05/06/2025 14:20

Same.

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Yes but….
if childcare is available why have the stress of keeping a very normal and exuberant and excitable “well behaved” for hours.

and… if I’m a guest of a friend’s wedding, I would actually like to listen to the speeches, raise a toast, mingle with other friends and family.

crosevern · 05/06/2025 14:25

I would consider hiring a nanny as well. You need to enjoy the wedding and not to worry all the time

DappledThings · 05/06/2025 14:26

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:23

Yes but….
if childcare is available why have the stress of keeping a very normal and exuberant and excitable “well behaved” for hours.

and… if I’m a guest of a friend’s wedding, I would actually like to listen to the speeches, raise a toast, mingle with other friends and family.

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Because she doesn't need to supress her energy for hours. They can all enjoy it, with the 3 year old being their usual exuberant self because it's completely acceptable for anyone, especially a 3 year old to get down from the table occasionally during dinner and nobody will notice. And it has every potential to be loads of fun.

Starlight1984 · 05/06/2025 14:29

My DC have been on a climber a mountain, been on steam train ride, been paddling, played rounders and croquet, spent the whole afternoon on the adventure playground, taken part in a play with swordfighting, played poohsticks, and danced until they were sweaty messes at ceilidh or disco, all at weddings

Um ok.... But most weddings take place at purpose built wedding venues / stately homes / village halls etc. Playing outside in the grounds and dancing, yes of course. But I don't think steam train rides, swimming pools and mountains are the norm tbh 😂

PurpleSpottedLeopard · 05/06/2025 14:33

Hiya we’ve just taken our 2 year old away on a holiday where every meal was in a formalish restaurant so not quite the same but similar in needing to sit and be relatively quiet. We got him an LCD drawing tablet from Amazon and it was a HUGE success. If you haven’t already got one I’d highly recommend having a look, very portable and lots of different options for around £10. Good luck I’m sure she will love being a flower girl!

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 14:38

DappledThings · 05/06/2025 14:26

Because she doesn't need to supress her energy for hours. They can all enjoy it, with the 3 year old being their usual exuberant self because it's completely acceptable for anyone, especially a 3 year old to get down from the table occasionally during dinner and nobody will notice. And it has every potential to be loads of fun.

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Don’t know about you…. But wedding dinners tend to be three courses

Plus the ceremony…can be a long one
plus some have looong photo sessions
and all the mingling before being called in
and the speeches (I love the speeches)

why? The child will have a much better time with grandparents, and the OP will too.

the bride was only being polite and genuinely wont give a hoot whether her friend’s 3 year old is attending her wedding day!

Mindymomo · 05/06/2025 14:39

We took our children when they were young, they were surprisingly well behaved despite us thinking they would be a nightmare, we had a bag of comics, easy puzzles, sticker books, colouring, snacks etc. I think it helped thinking one of us would probably end up taking them outside if needed, but fortunately we never needed to. I remember we disappeared during photos to give them a break. My own wedding, at the Reception my cousins DC went to play in the garden of the hotel, it was a hot day and when they came back in, they were totally naked.