Is this normal? 3 year old repetitive play

[Backforawhile]

Looking for some advice as I have no idea what is normal and what isn’t as I have never spent much time around small children! My DD is the only child on both sides of our family and most of our close friends are child-free too so I don’t have anyone to compare her to.

My DD (just turned 3) is obsessed with doctors and vets. This has been going on for about 8 months now! If we go to the library she seeks out books where the character is ill, her favourite episodes of TV shows are ones like Miffy falling off her bike or Pedro Pony being in the hospital or Norrie having chicken pox. Her favourite game is pretending to look after her cuddly toys, she has a “vet bag” and a little vet station with beds. She is also fascinated by people being ill or hurting themselves in real life - wanting to know when they will get better and if they need a plaster or Calpol (!) etc.

What worries me is that her play seems so repetitive. The “illnesses” the toys have are always the same, and usually something she’s seen in a book or on TV. The dialogue seems quite scripted as well if that makes sense. Also when she asks anyone, adult or child, to play with her it’s always “can we play doctors” or “can we play vets”. She does show imagination in other ways, but will say “pretend” when she’s doing it - e.g she’ll talk to a teddy and say “you can have pretend tea while I’m having real tea”. I just don’t know whether this play (and this fascination with doctors/nurses/vets) is normal or if I should be concerned. Nursery haven’t raised anything alarming and I’ve not mentioned it either - but they have also said she loves dressing up as a doctor and pretending to be one…

I was diagnosed with cancer when she was a couple of months old and was in/out of hospitals for about 2 years - but she only came with me a couple of times when I literally had no alternative (and this was before she started nursery so she was tiny!) we don’t talk about it in front of her and I had hoped that she wouldn’t remember any of it as I tried to hide it all from her as best I could - but is it possible she does?!

I am NT but my younger sister is autistic, and I suspect my dad is as well. DH is dyslexic, and there is a strong history of that in his family but not anything else as far as he is aware. My sister has always really struggled with life and friendships and I guess I have worries in the back of my mind that DD might be ND and end up struggling in the same way; which is probably why this is bothering me. I could well be overthinking. I’m good at that!

I think this is just normal child play.

It sounds perfectly normal to me. It isn't repetitive it's variations on a theme.

Thank you so much for replying to me ❤️

Sounds very normal!
Children process their experiences through play, and it’s perfectly possible that she is doing that wrt your cancer treatment. It’s really healthy and I wouldn’t worry 😊

As you have neurodiversity on both sides I think there's a good chance she may be autistic, having such specific interests and wanting to know everything about them at a very young age would fit with that, as would the repetitive play. DS was obsessed with farms and trains at that age and everything revolved around those, tv, books, play.

However of course it might not be, as a girl and obviously high functioning it's not always clear at this age - ds was very bright and no behaviour issues and wasn't picked up by anyone till secondary age, I know girls that weren't picked up till GCSE's.

Who knows OP she could be a bloody brilliant doctor autistic or not, just encourage her in what she loves. DS is working as a software engineer has found a group of likeminded people and is having a great time. Make a note of the things you've noticed and just watch, wait and enjoy is my advice. She sounds fantastic!

My three year old is very similar. He makes ‘food’ and you have to have the exact same thing each time.

My older DS is the same but with animals, started at 18 months and only after he turned 4 he was interested in other toys. We have a collection of more than 300 animal figures, at 2.5 he was stressing about having a deer but no moos or having a tiger shark but beluga whale is missing... I had to learn so many animal species that I haven't even known existed lol (same with dinosauruses but shorter obsession). Never gave it a thought to be honest, I was always happy it is a nice interest and also waaay cheeper than hot wheels, marvel heros toys etc. :-)

Well3 toddlers and they are all doing this atm, the girls have been Dr,nurses for weeks and boy policeman but was a vet lol

This is very good advice.

Normal.

my son has the same games with cars for almost 2 years. No interest in variety

What does she do if you try to bring in something new? For example, if you come to the vet with an animal that has a condition outside of her normal play parameters what happens then? Or what if you bring an animal to the vet and it's scared? Or wild? Or if you ask her to make a house call? Can she adapt her play within the game?

Sounds normal! My 3 year old has been obsessed with Halloween for nearly a year now 😂

Well she might be autistic, and she may not

I had suspicions when ds was thks age, but nothing that other people would have really picked up on. School had suspicions when he was 7, and he's been diagnosed at 9

Honestly wish I hadn't wasted so much time worrying when he was little, it didn't change anything. He wouldn't have been diagnosed at 3, by he time he was diagnosed it was very obvious to me (rather than the vague suspicions I had before)

So my advice is to mentally file it away, it might be important information or it might be nothing. Agonising over it won't change a thing

My other DS also had some weird little autistic like traits at this age, but by the time he was 5 is was very obvious he wasn't autistic

She could be autistic but it’s also a way to process information and maybe a reaction to your cancer treatment or both.

Thanks so much everyone for replying to me.

@NuffSaidSam I’d say 9 times out of 10 she’ll go “no! No you’ve got red spots/bumped your head/broken your leg”. I try to introduce stuff like “we need to make some food for the patients” and that can be successful but again she’ll often revert to the same types of things like “carrot soup” (what Miffy has when she’s ill) or it being someone’s birthday (?!) so birthday cake. And then that will follow a pattern of whatever it is being too hot to eat at the moment…

She came out of nursery today and told me she played with a teacher from another class… I asked what she played and she said “hospitals” then relayed the whole story she usually plays at home. Even her favourite nursery rhyme is Miss Polly Had a Dolly aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

It doesn’t help that we are beyond done with hospitals 😂 why couldn’t it be something else!!?

She didn’t choose any books to do with being ill this evening though! 😂

I turned our sofa into a hospital ward and all dolls were tucked up in bed. I was a nurse and apparently this made my mum matron mummy. I still remember it fondly. I got the idea I think from a children’s comic called teddy bear. I played this constantly.

My son was diagnosed as autistic in primary school and first got a referral around age three. His play was far more repetitive and less imaginative than you describe with your daughter - for example spinning around with a plane for ages or pushing a car around on a mat. He also had sensory issues like panicking if a tiny bit of mud or water got on him, by panicking I mean screaming and refusing to carry on till we went home or changed his clothes if already at home. A lot of anger too and difficulty potty training and sleeping.

However from what I have read autism presents very differently in girls to boys. Have you asked your family about their experiences with your sister as a child?

@Cakeandcheeseforever I remember my sister at 3. She was (and still is) very socially anxious and highly strung. She doesn’t read social cues well and didn’t play with other children or have friends - but we did play together as the age gap isn’t huge and I don’t recall it being the same game all the time. Actually one thing she did all the time that I remember clearly (because I felt angry and embarrassed by it as a kid) was that one of the few things she found funny was people falling over. She wouldn’t ask if the person was okay, she’d laugh really loudly - even when our mum fell over getting off a bus once. As an adult she isn’t empathetic at all - when she heard I had cancer the first thing she said was “I hope I don’t get it as well” and never once asked if I was okay! I know she does care though.

My DD is the opposite, she is obsessed about when they will “get well soon” and do they need an X Ray/a plaster/calpol/crutches/plaster cast…when will the ambulance come, why won’t the ambulance come etc etc. Nursery have said she is concerned when peers cry and wants to make them feel better and have called her “emotionally mature” - whatever that means.

Obviously all DC are different, but my autistic DS didn't engage in imaginative play at all. He wouldn't have known how to pretend to be a Dr. This was discussed a lot during diagnosis. He loved cars, but would spend most of his time opening and closing the little doors or rolling them down a ramp.

He's very bright- on track for 9s at GCSE.

My NT DS did the same small Lego set over and over again as a toddler. Build. Take apart. Build. Take apart. Build. For hours! Every day! Kids can just get fixated on things.

What a delightful little girl she sounds, with a lovely caring nature 😊

It sounds like lovely imaginary play. I enjoyed playing cafes or bus drivers when I was that age. If I am truly honest I do still enjoy being the waitress or the customer in a small child’s imaginary cafe!

Sounds perfectly normal to me. My 2 ND children didn't do this but my NT child did!

I’d just be watchful and curious as you already are - maybe keep some notes of anything that seems a bit quirky as sometimes the picture is clearer later. Similar with my family - lots of neurodivergence of varying flavours. Thought there was always something a bit spicy about my first child but he also did lovely gesture and was pretty social so I sat on the fence - all became more apparent when they started school and demands increased.

I totally understand where you’re coming from re: worries about how she’ll cope with your sisters experiences in mind. I wondered if your sister was late diagnosed? I often think the experience of growing up different in a NT world and not having the language to understand it is the problem rather than being neurodivergent itself. Your daughter has got someone looking out for her and being mindful and you’ll be able to head this off (if she is autistic) before she internalises all of the ‘I’m weird and bad’ stuff. That will be really protective ❤️

@Backforawhile it doesn’t sound like your daughter is similar to your sister from what you’ve said, it sounds like she is doing well with playing with friends at nursery x

Just as an aside, IF your daughter is autistic, it's likely you are too as it's genetic. Have you ever thought about your own diagnosis?