Is this normal? 3 year old repetitive play

[Backforawhile]

Looking for some advice as I have no idea what is normal and what isn’t as I have never spent much time around small children! My DD is the only child on both sides of our family and most of our close friends are child-free too so I don’t have anyone to compare her to.

My DD (just turned 3) is obsessed with doctors and vets. This has been going on for about 8 months now! If we go to the library she seeks out books where the character is ill, her favourite episodes of TV shows are ones like Miffy falling off her bike or Pedro Pony being in the hospital or Norrie having chicken pox. Her favourite game is pretending to look after her cuddly toys, she has a “vet bag” and a little vet station with beds. She is also fascinated by people being ill or hurting themselves in real life - wanting to know when they will get better and if they need a plaster or Calpol (!) etc.

What worries me is that her play seems so repetitive. The “illnesses” the toys have are always the same, and usually something she’s seen in a book or on TV. The dialogue seems quite scripted as well if that makes sense. Also when she asks anyone, adult or child, to play with her it’s always “can we play doctors” or “can we play vets”. She does show imagination in other ways, but will say “pretend” when she’s doing it - e.g she’ll talk to a teddy and say “you can have pretend tea while I’m having real tea”. I just don’t know whether this play (and this fascination with doctors/nurses/vets) is normal or if I should be concerned. Nursery haven’t raised anything alarming and I’ve not mentioned it either - but they have also said she loves dressing up as a doctor and pretending to be one…

I was diagnosed with cancer when she was a couple of months old and was in/out of hospitals for about 2 years - but she only came with me a couple of times when I literally had no alternative (and this was before she started nursery so she was tiny!) we don’t talk about it in front of her and I had hoped that she wouldn’t remember any of it as I tried to hide it all from her as best I could - but is it possible she does?!

I am NT but my younger sister is autistic, and I suspect my dad is as well. DH is dyslexic, and there is a strong history of that in his family but not anything else as far as he is aware. My sister has always really struggled with life and friendships and I guess I have worries in the back of my mind that DD might be ND and end up struggling in the same way; which is probably why this is bothering me. I could well be overthinking. I’m good at that!

@Frazzled83 thank you so much ❤️ you’re right - late diagnosis due to being totally incapable of coping with secondary school. By that point she had already been labelled as “weird”. She’s struggled so much in life and having seen it (and borne the brunt of it too) this is why I worry. It has taken a huge toll on my mum, and I’m convinced my dad is as well and has just used alcohol to cope with it. They didn’t get much in the way of support though (mid 90s)

There are so many lovely kind posts on this thread, I can’t tag you all but thank you. She is an amazing little girl and we love her to bits, I’m just a professional worrier 😂

@CanteringAlong I really don’t think it’s likely, I’ve not had any experiences that would suggest it. It’s possible I guess given my sister is but I don’t think I am.

Sounds normal! And GREAT because you can play by lying on the sofa while she does all the imagination stuff (I hate playing). DS2 is obsessed with vehicles – playing with them, watching relevant episodes, talking about them, books about them. More annoying because I have to get on the floor and vroom. DD6 has a bit more variety but we’ve been playing cafes daily for several months now (another good one for sitting on the sofa being the customer). I think all kids get into something and rinse it dry tbh. Your little girl sounds lovely!

Autistic children can engage in imaginative play and be highly empathetic and neurotypical children can like the same game over and over. I wouldn’t be concerned about the play itself but because there is autism is in the family I would keep it in mind

I think it’s pretty normal play, my youngest has been obsessed with horses since 2. The only toys that were played with were ones that involved them, we managed to do variations on a theme so stables, farms and then when he was a bit older knights on horses and castles.
When anyone asked him what he wanted for his birthday he would ask for a horse…. We’ve now evolved a little more now he is that bit older again, it’s now football and horses…..

So mum of 2 NT boys who are now adults but they drove me crazy with repetitive play when they were about 2-5! Bob the Builder was one, obsessed with building sites, read same book every night. Other one was obsessed with making food for people, eg.cakes but never ate them. Needless to say they are neither builders or chefs but I can't actually remember when it stopped. Was it gradual or sudden? All sounds delightful to me whether NT or ND !

I would never want to diagnose your daughter with anything but I wanted to tell you about my daughter, who is now an adult.

She was diagnosed with sth called PDA, which stands for Pathological demand avoidance syndrome. It is autistic spectrum. It often involves role playing play. Professionals often think it can't be autism because the child is engaging in "creative" play but the parent knows sth is up. Pda is also known as the social autism because of the focus on other people or animals - it isn't eg lining books up alphabetically. It looks more like "mormal" play but it isn't. It is repetitive and the child sticks to it way beyond what is socially or age appropriate.

My daughter did the vet thing. We visited the Birmingham Science centre, where they have a play town with a pretend dentist and vets and she was SO happy. We spent hours there.

I would listen to your instincts. Check out pda and the role playing and see what you think.

@Arran2024 thank you for sharing, I will do some reading around that topic. I hope your daughter is still pursuing her passions as an adult ❤️

(Mine would LOVE a play town with a dentist and vet…she got the Aldi vet station for Christmas but she gets annoyed it doesn’t have enough beds - my entire front room is shoe boxes with various stuffed animals bandaged up and tucked in 😂)

The role playing of PDA did occur to me too. That bit about you recognise it from shows she’s watched. I had similar with my PDA son at first autism was dismissed because he role played.

I try not to comment on threads like this as there is just no way to tell with strangers on the internet, but since you have a family history of autism that makes it more likely. And she’s a girl. I was diagnosed as an adult, struggled a lot as a teen but again autism dismissed as I wasn’t the typical male presentation and had always done well in school. In your situation, if this were my child, I wouldn’t do anything yet, particularly as you don’t mention her being distressed or struggling. What I would do is keep some notes so if you do need to seek diagnosis in future you can be exact with how long obsessions lasted and how extreme they were. Watch and wait. If she’s autistic and academically able it may be she doesn’t show clear signs until puberty when other girls gain social skills that she may need support to master. Also pay attention to who she is friends with as we do tend to find each other, not just wether they are diagnosed but if they show traits. I have a couple of very good friends who are also autistic but we have similar levels of function socially- we all work and run houses with children without problems. My autistic children both seem to gravitate to other autistic children of similar ability ie my very capable dd has friends who could be ND although I’m not aware of any diagnosis while my high support needs sons friends are all diagnosed and have very clear struggles.

It could equally just be she likes drs and vets though! You don’t want to ruin your experience as a mother and your relationship with her by worrying about something you won’t be able to change and may not even be the case. Love her as she is, pay attention definitely but don’t let it stress you overmuch. If she starts to struggle and clear differences with peers crop up in future that’s when you give it head space.

It might be that because you’ve been through so much related to health and hospitals you’re noticing this more than if it was something else, like farm animals etc.

also as someone else said, having lots of ND in the family does mean it’s likely to be something she has in some form. And I tooootally get it that you don’t want her to go through the associated stress and sadness of that. BUT it’s so different than when we were younger. Kids are getting diagnosed young, and just walking round like yeah I’m autistic or whatever and other kids are like ok cool. I’m not saying it’s easy - it’s not - but it’s definitely so much more understood and accepted. Keep an eye and when she’s a bit older, if you see things that make you think ah yes she’s xyz then pursue it and get it diagnosed so she can confidently know why she responds to things in particular ways or etc. but just enjoy her and her oddities because you’ll miss it if one day she suddenly doesn’t want to play hospitals and doesn’t care about miffy’s ailments. We all do it - worry so much we want to get to the next stage so we know whether or not we needed to worry about what we were worrying about. But it’s ok. If she’s happy and healthy, just enjoy

There’s too many PP’s who’ve written great posts to tag! It does sound very repetitive OP, especially given none of it is “original” and it’s essentially scripted from TV or books - that’s quite a common play style in autistic children.

I wouldn’t necessarily do anything now though, other than please try not to worry and enjoy her. Easier said than done, but she sounds absolutely delightful (although I do sympathise with the tedious play!) and even if she is autistic, she will be a different person to your sister so try not to compare apples and oranges.

I’ve got two DC, one with a couple of ND diagnoses and one without, but I am certain has some sort of flavour! I was so highly strung when DC1 was little, from the age of 3 I worried constantly, analysing his play etc and it really dampened my experience of parenting what was actually a gorgeous, kind, very bright little boy. He’s 10 now and I worry every day that the damage was done in terms of our relationship.

With DC2, I was so focussed on worrying about DC1, and as you tend to be with subsequent children, I just didn’t worry as much. We have a much better relationship, even though I’m sure DC2 is ND I haven’t tied myself up in knots about it, or done anything about it right now as the waiting lists are so ridiculous there doesn’t seem to be any point, and like DC1 I’m not sure he ticks enough boxes to warrant a referral right now anyway (he is only 5). Thankfully as well they are in a very supportive school who cater to the child rather than diagnosis so nothing has actually changed for my eldest despite the diagnoses.

Have you tried dolls etc? He's using cars as substitution for people play.

Yeah we tried everything else. Dolls, dolls house, toy kitchen.

we have plenty of toys of no gender eg magnatiles duplo Lego train sets, puzzles

just car obsessed!

My older one was vehicle obsessed - he wasn't using it as a substitute for people play, we had dolls, Duplo people, soft toys etc in the house, he just really loved anything with wheels... We took him to the zoo as a toddler and his favourite thing was a tractor being used in one of the enclosures... I'm pretty sure he's NT (older now so has had some time to show any other traits). It wasn't particularly repetitive play though, or repeating phrases from films/tv etc (other than using the characters like Thomas in his own games). And he would do other things too eg join in nursery rhymes/action songs at toddler group. He still likes vehicles but does have other interests too.

I’m overwhelmed by the kindness and advice on this post. Have read them all to DH and he says thank you as well. We have taken all of it on board.

DD is currently “measuring” the Labrador with a sewing kit measuring tape 😂 the dog is very patiently lying on her bed with a baffled look on her face, being told how “long” she is! 😂

It’s hard to say. The topics are very normal child’s play and often children need help to extend the play. You need to introduce some new ideas or topics and she will likely start to play them too. With regards to the autistic thing, does she display any other tendencies. Sensory sensitivities, relationships etc? I think time will tell x

Just to add, with PDA the play tends to be quite controlling. The child is always the teacher, the doctor, the vet, the waitress. They do stuff and everyone else, whether stuffed or real, is the subject. When they are at nursery and go to school, other children will tolerate them planning these games for a while. But as the other children mature and they still want to play their bossy, repetitive games, the other children will get fed up and stop playing with them, and this is when you start to see the social skills defecits.

It's perfectly normal love. I have 6 GC age 3 youngest and 18 oldest. They've all done this. The youngest is obsessed with digging....she would dig in the garden in any weather all day if she could.
It's amusing 😄 cos she finds allsorts of crap ( no.....treasures to her) 😆. It's normal. Don't worry. She sounds bright & happy x

I think as a parent you know. I suspected my son from age 3, but as he is high functioning I thought maybe I was imagining it l, I used to ask the school about friendships and they would always say he is fine. At age 6 he developed deep anxiety and wouldn’t eat for months after an illness. I asked his teacher if she thought it was and after some thought she said yes, after observing him she said he doesn’t have friends. Despite telling me months earlier he was fine. But he is so loving, so empathetic, he’s amazing.
If your daughter is it will become more apparent as she gets older. Try not to stress, she isn’t your sister x

She isn't digging though. She is playing in a way which is typical of children with PDA.

@Arran2024 ah this is interesting. So my DD doesn’t always want to be the doctor or the nurse herself - the game itself is pretty much the same every time but she will say “no you be the doctor this time and Duggee is the patient” or she’ll get one of the toys and make it “talk” like “I am doctor Duggee what happened to you”.

Funnily enough, for the first time today we were in a restaurant and she decided she wanted to be a pretend waitress, the waitress gave her a pad and pen ❤️ and she was saying “right what would you like for your breakfast” and pretending to write it down. It’s the first time in like 8/9 months I’ve seen her pretend to be something other than a doctor/nurse or a vet!!!! As soon as we got home it was vets again but hey ho we had a temporary break 😂😂😂😂

She is still controlling the play when she gets you to be the vet - is she ever the subject? Sounds maybe not

The paediatrician who first suggested PDA to me said that playing as a waitress was classic pda behaviour btw.

Sounds very normal. My 3 year old is the same and constantly asking for plaster to stick on her teddies whk are unwell and she's looking after them.

She's so young and this is probably normal child's play, they do really get into things at that age and they just have limited knowledge of the world so it seems repetitive, but she likely just doesn't know very many illnesses to play!
It could be one of those things when she's older you go "oh that was a sign" but honestly, so many kids have some traits of various things, so you wouldn't necessarily worry until there's a few of those stacked up. If nursery aren't worried and you've seen nothing else, just let her be.
It sounds like you're very switched on, so I'm sure you'll pick up anything you need to if it arises at a later date.
My little boy wasn't picked up till he was 7, he had some traits as a 3-4 yr old but otherwise nothing you'd really notice, and he had a sibling who is NT that I could compare with. He was maybe slightly sensory avoidant (hand dryers mainly due to sound, but loved fireworks), rubbish motor skills and his tantrums were slightly more dramatic - but any child might exhibit those (appreciate some children exhibit a lot of traits at a young age but I think for those who have fairly mild traits anyway it's very hard to pick up at 3). As he grew up it just developed and became obvious from 6-7.
Basically, I wouldn't personally worry about the odd trait until she's older and until things start really flagging or school are noticing things as well, because 3 year olds can be a law unto themselves a lot of the time.

@springtimemagic sensory-wise I’d say the only thing she HATES are motorbikes and handdryers in toilets. Hairdryers absolutely fine, other loud noises also fine (she will occasionally say “this is too loud!” but won’t lose it/get upset). We have been to festivals with no issues, she enjoys dancing and running about and is less bothered by crowds than I am these days! No issues with food, will try everything once and eats a wide variety of textures etc. No issues with clothing, sleeps well (now! Had terrible reflux as a baby….) she’s interested in other children for sure and does try to speak to them but I’m not sure about “friendships” as such. Nursery say she plays alongside other children and shares well, particularly when it’s a game she likes (yep, you guessed it, playing doctors with the dollies in the room 😐). They say this is normal for her age - 3y 1m.
A friend’s little girl (4) drew her a picture the other day and DD really treasures it, gets it out to look at it and says “my friend gave me this” which is very cute.