how to explain menstruation to a 9 year old

[Mumof3beans]

I want to keep it simple but informative, without making it too awkward or overwhelming. How did you approach the topic with your dd? Did you explain the biological side of things or focus more on the emotional and social aspects? I want to make sure she feels comfortable and isn’t scared or confused, but also knows it’s a normal part of growing up. Also not overshare as she is on the early side of 9. Thoughts?

Your dd should know all about periods well before the age of 9.

Over 50 year ago I asked my DM why an aunty had no children. She said she didn’t have regular periods and then explained what periods are and why we have them. I was 9 at the time. I was 11 when I had my first period.

I told DD when she was about 5 and she was in the loo with me when I had period.

I just explained that for a few days every month, if you aren't having a baby, your body gets rid of the bit inside you where a baby would grow. She asked if it hurt, I was told her it can do a bit and for some girls and women it hurts very much but it never had for me or for Granny so hopefully won't for her either but if it does there's medicine that can help.

Didn't make a big deal but she's been happy with that and asked about occasionally.

How helpful.

This is a comprehensive answer to the OP's question and no mistake. So helpful!

OP, what does she know so far? It would be worth finding that out because, for whatever reason, if you haven't discussed it yet she will probably have picked bits up from somewhere. Depending on the size of the school it's likely that a couple of her peers have started and there may well have been chat. Then you've got a starting point with either confirming what she thinks, or setting her straight if she's got the wrong end of the stick.

I just told mine the basic biology and she was cool with that. As she gets closer to starting we'll also cover bits about how hormones effect you etc.

Has she never asked you about your periods? My DD was very curious about my periods from a young age. She would ask about pads in the bathroom etc. I'd be surprised if she hasn't heard about periods at school by age 9.
I would just be really honest and matter of fact. They happen to all girls. They can be a bit rubbish/uncomfortable/inconvenient but it's also a sign that your body's developing as it should and everything is working properly. Talk to her about pads and period pants. Show her where they are and what to do. Let her know she can always talk to you about this stuff. Talk to her about what she would do if she started when at school or staying at a friend's house etc.

Mine has known that women bleed for a few days a month since she was a toddler. She's seem me deal with my periods when she was younger and I had to take her to the toilet and she sees my washable pads and period pants drying on the airers. When she got to age 9 I gave her a couple of books about growing up and encouraged her to come to me with any questions and asked her a couple of questions about what she'd learnt. She's read Are You There God...It's Me Margaret. Now she's a bit older I'm going to give her Milli Hill's period book which goes into more detail on periods and when she's 11 or 12 I'll make sure she has pads and things in her backpack. Some kids start as early as 8 but DD is small and not developing yet and women in my family were 12 or 13 when they started.

Short, simple and factual. DD had a vague idea anyway because she’d seen tampons and pads in the bathroom and asked what they were when she was tiny. I always just explained that grown up women bleed for a few days every month, that it’s normal, something that happens to all women and when she’s older I’ll explain it in more detail. When she was about 7/8 the answers started getting a bit more detailed, that women and girls have a body part inside called a uterus which is where a baby grows when a woman gets pregnant, that every month it gets ready to grow a baby by growing a special thick lining and if no baby starts growing than the lining needs to come out and that’s why we bleed. When she seemed to understand that idea we moved on to how the baby gets started.

So basically introducing the concepts in a very nonchalant, simple and open way and then building on the information giving her time to get used to each new level in between.

She also has a few books, this one she got on with best and she’ll occasionally refer to it then ask follow up questions.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Growing-Up-Girls-Everything-Need/dp/0702310964/ref=asc_df_0702310964?mcid=1e8182f5162636daba4f9ce9db784759&th=1&psc=1&hvocijid=607807245432272649-0702310964-&hvexpln=74&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=607807245432272649&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006886&hvtargid=pla-2281435177618&psc=1&gad_source=1

I got my dd the book "what's happening to me' covers alot in a child friendly way.

I think this is unfair.My DD is 8 and I'm only just starting to think about how to approach it in the next year....it's rare for children to start periods before 9 and that's still very early.
I just want to make sure she knows before incase she panics if she sees blood.
I think it's important to be open and honest, but in a timely way....no reason to push them to understand things before they need to.

At about 5 I explained it as the body makes a cushion of blood in the womb each month incase a baby starts growing, and if a baby does start growing because an egg and sperm join together (I think I initially called it an egg from a woman and a seed from a man to put it in more familiar terms) then the cushion stays there until the baby is born, but that if no baby starts to grow then each month the cushion of blood comes out of the same hole babies are born from as drips of blood which doesn't hurt, then the body makes a fresh one for the next month.

By 9 she's likely learnt it in school though as periods are part of the curriculum.

Thanks for this as I have been thinking about the same recently! My DD is 8 though so might wait a little while yet, but curious to hear ideas.

I think the PSHE primary curriculum covers this in Y5 IIRC, so she will be learning about it at school. I got my DD the Milli Hill book My Period which is very body positive and celebratory:

https://amzn.eu/d/25o5Dcn

They will tell them in year 5 anyway if she goes.

But tell her bit by bit. And she will prob ask questions. Just answer honestly.

My 7 year old knows and has known for a while. Cos i told her older siste4 about them. 7 year old doesn't know all the details but know that women have periods and this involves blood

My DD started her periods at 9, which seems to be not uncommon nowadays, so 9 is rather late to be explaining the concept IMO. I’m sure she’ll have heard a bit about it from other sources already. Just tell her?

Mine noticed a bit of blood in the loo a couple of times when she was young and we shared a toilet cubicle in places like service stations. I just explained much like @DappledThings. So when they had the talk at school, she already knew, and it was no big deal. Never been a big deal in our house, I made sure of it - unlike my childhood home where it was never mentioned.

I told DD when she was about 6, that women, and girls around about big school age bleed for a few days each month. That it's completely normal, and it's where the body gets ready in case you want to make a baby, but if you don't, then the blood isn't needed and it comes out. She was in the loo with me at the time, and I was wearing a pad, she saw blood and asked if I was hurt, so it was an organic conversation.

My DGM wasn't told anything about periods and woke in the night to blood and was understandably convinced she was dying. There's no way I was letting DD experience even a fraction of that fear, I wanted to tell her well before any chance of her starting.

We've probably got half a dozen girls in y4 who have started now, it's much more common than it was when I was in school. As pps have said, be factual, make sure she knows what to do when it happens.

If you tell them too young they forget

Glad it was helpful and also that I am not the only one wondering. Have found this thread good to read through appreciate the fast feedback, some comments more helpful than others thought that's for sure. I'm curious to know reactions upon receiving books and after explaining to them? What kind of follow up questions, if any at all?

Thank you all, will look at resources and books shared, dd is a bit of a digital learner so am scouting about!

I am just impressed some people’s daughters haven’t spent their lives so far appearing in the toilet and going ‘Ooh what’s that? Is it poo, Mummy? IS IT POO? Daddy, Mummy is doing a poo! Why is it red? It’s blood? Are you sure it isn’t poo?’

DD1 is 6 and she knows all about periods as she’s very curious and we have a fairly open door policy in our house. She did declare ‘I have decided that won’t happen to me’ when I explained it!

Really helpful answer to OP who's out here seeking advice in order to support her daughter as best she can. Maybe she'll use her time machine to go back and do it all a couple of years sooner now that you've mentioned it. Your good deed of the day is done now, gosh it must feel great to be so helpful👏🏼

DD has been asking for a while how babies are made. We have been telling her and gradually giving more information. Periods came up as a part of that discussion from a biological focus.

DD also watched Mallory Towers at school (when she was about 7 which was a bit too young IMO). She was then keen to watch more at home. There is an episode where one of the girls gets her period and thinks she is really unwell, so that also started a discussion.

Edited to add: thanks to the coil I don't have periods so DD wouldn't be aware of them from seeing.

I started younger but drip feed. Dd then asks for more details at her own speed. I just told her the basic fact that you bleed first aged about 7 She was hysterical. I didn't mention it again until she asked.

She's fine with idea now. However she hates the idea of tampons and moon cups so again I won't mention them again until she asks.

They need to know before teir first period age which can be as young as 8.

There's no perfect way. My Danish friend got an extremely graphic book for her toddlers. Worked for them. Not for me. Doubt either us.has the perfect answer. You just need to make sure you have covered the why before they are remotely old enough to have sex.