how to explain menstruation to a 9 year old

[Mumof3beans]

I want to keep it simple but informative, without making it too awkward or overwhelming. How did you approach the topic with your dd? Did you explain the biological side of things or focus more on the emotional and social aspects? I want to make sure she feels comfortable and isn’t scared or confused, but also knows it’s a normal part of growing up. Also not overshare as she is on the early side of 9. Thoughts?

Oh yes ‘Mummy why are you wearing a nappy’

I’m another one who started young - if you drip little bits of information every so often they don’t forget, and don’t think it’s that big a deal.

@doodleschnoodle Made me giggle
My DD was 10 when she started. Knew from a similar age to yours, and I remember similar comments. As well as after a conversation with my son about periods, him say so it won't happen to me as I have 2 bums.

Best one was my mates daughter 15 very proud to be come a woman, saw her about 4 weeks later. She was horrified it happend again 😅 and would continue yo happen, poor girl thought it was once become a woman that is it!

Friend of mine was horrified when her mum told her you start around 12 and finish around 50 - she thought it was going to continuous for 40 odd years

Even if that’s true, the second best time for her to find out is now.

This is my experience too, so while I agree the first response was a bit blunt and didn’t answer your question, it’s hard for me to imagine how a dd gets to 9 without knowing, since mine have followed me around and left me with barely a shred of privacy for most of their wee lives!

Op, I have a 9yr old DD too and have given her the Milli Hill period book too, also another birds and the bees book. Milli advocates having a period kit ready, which I love, so I have a pretty box with some chocolate, pads and period pants. A couple of her friends have started at 9 nearly 10 and because my DD is very tall and developing in other ways, I won’t be surprised if it’s in the next year. I’ve found her very interested to hear about periods, much less willing to hear about sex, she’s mortified to hear anything about that.

‘Whew glad that’s over and done with, right time to get on with life…’

if only!

This has been a really helpful thread for me too. My DD knows how babies are made and knows the correct terms for anatomy, but actually I don't have periods so it isn't something that has ever come up naturally - she doesn't see period products at home, and never saw this when she accompanied me to the loo when younger. I can imagine this happening with plenty other girls - lots of women elect not to have periods.
Thanks PP for ideas of how to bring this up with her with out scaring her!

MY DD was used to seeing blood, tampons and pads from being a toddler as she liked having a chat when I was on the loo. I explained in factual terms what was happening from when she was 7 or so. I also said that having periods showed you that you would be able to have babies if you wanted them.

My mum never explained anything to me. The consequence was that when my breasts started to develop, I thought I had breast cancer because I had overheard my mum talking over the fence with a neighbour whose elderly mother had the disease. It had started with 'lumps in her chest'. As a result, I was determined my DD would not be terrified for months as I had been.

However, I had done a less good job than I had hoped. DD had a phase of being obsessed about how big her breasts would be ('Will they be as big as yours?' 'I don't know. You'll have to wait and see what instructions your genes have been given about them.') Then DD 'I want to have breasts but I don't want to have to wear one of those eye-patch things on my fanny.' Me: 'Too bad. You can't have one without the other.' Finally, and out of left field in Year 6 when she had had what she called 'sexy education', 'If you are in pain when you're having a baby, it feels nice if you touch your clitoris.' Think very quickly, I thought. So I said: 'There are lots of times when touching your clitoris feels nice, not just when you're having a baby.' Perhaps the NHS should encourage this method of pain relief to cut budgets for pain relief....

When DD's period started, at 11, we went out to a local tea shop to celebrate and I talked to her about our female ancestors back to 1860, the furthest back I've managed to research.

From all that, my advice would be normalise periods and recognise that you are not the only source of information.

Edited for typos

I’m pretty sure my daughter had some kind of talk at school around age 10, apparently went into all kinds of detail about mucous in your pants means your periods are coming soon and is a sign of ovulating, that brown blood is old blood and nothing to be worried about- very well informed and much more detail than I expected!!

I’ve always tended to mention something about periods if talk of babies comes up, or used a period pain (or why I have my monthly chocolate cravings 😜 great example I’m setting!) to explain its because I have my period and it’s just that each month my body releases an egg ready if I wanted to have a baby, but I don’t want a baby so it has to come out with the womb lining which is made of blood. I’ve tried to be factual as I don’t want her thinking blood means injury or is traumatic- it just what’s it’s made of and has to go somewhere.

she’s in yr 7 and they have just studied all the phases of the menstrual cycle- I learnt quite a lot looking at her homework 😂

At school they told us 'your period comes every month' and 'a period lasts about a month' - I took this to mean a month of bleeding, maybe a day's pause and then another month of bleeding. I was so relieved when I finally clocked on.

I would find out if she has learned anything in PSHE lessons yet and if so just fill in the gaps in knowledge as factually as possible.

My mum had a hysterectomy by the time I got to knowing about them. I was terrified at 13 despite knowing what it was from school lessons. The one time with my 6 year old when we were discussing it (in the cubicle with me) announced loudly to if I was having another baby. She got slightly confused, the lady in the cubicle next to me laughed. I loudly exclaimed that if I was then I was suing the NHS for not removing the right body parts after the birth of her brother. My 4 year old DS has verbal diarrhoea and will announce to all that I'm on my period. He often gets women telling him when we are washing hands that he is a knowledgeable little boy (no just a little PITA). I might one day be able to change a pad in peace without somebody small piping up.

There are lots of signs of puberty in girls that occur well before periods so if your child is developing early you would know about it in plenty of time to have these discussions sooner.

Plenty of 8 and 9 year old girls have not started developing yet (which generally kicks off 1-2 years ahead of menstruation) so their parents probably know there's still plenty of time for these conversations.

Pretty sure most parents have these conversations when they judge is right for their child!!
Most don't get periods til secondary school, while the average age has dropped it's still around 12 in the UK which is why these topics are covered in yr5/6 in school with 10 and 11 year olds, in plenty of time.

Don't wait.
Girls need this information long before they're eight.
They'll get lots of misinformation from some of the other girls.

May I do a mini thread hijack and ask how you introduced how babies are made? My three year old has asked once or twice and I haven't had the headspace to think how to answer properly with enough appropriate info, but obviously not too much!

My three year old knows that daddy put a seed inside one of my eggs. The eggs are kept in my tummy. We have not yet been asked about how the seed meets the egg, but I will when asked- she knows the body parts already. But I don’t anticipate that for a couple more years at least!!

However, I have told her that there will be no more babies as daddy has ran out of seeds (we aren’t explaining a vasectomy yet)

She mournfully told the shop assistant who was fawning over her baby sibling that mummy wouldn’t have any more babies as daddy had no seeds left 🤣

This may not be helpful but my DS (just 7) has known about periods since forever (obviously not foreverever) he says it's my eggs cracking because they didn't get used this month.

Thank you! I said that daddy and mummy made the baby and she immediately asked how.... But the language you've used is really helpful, thanks - and that really made me laugh about the shop assistant!

I'm curious as to why you think girls need to know about periods much before the time comes? I don't think many kids her age are talking about periods yet.
I also don't think children need to know EXACTLY how babies are made before they are at least pre-teens.
I would answer any of her questions as honestly as possible in an age appropriate way though, but don't see the need to go into alot of depth yet.
I want my DD to retain her innocence for as long as possible whilst she can without worrying about more grown up concepts, although I have taught her about body autonomy from very young, as sadly that's 100% necessary at any age to be aware of.

How do you know when a girl's period will come? Some start very early. Better to have even a rudimentary knowledge than a terrifying shock.

Some do yes, but not most....she has shown no signs of being close yet, and I was 13 when I started mine.

It’s not top trumps 🤣 as if your toddler thought ooh, these pants are odd, must be period pants. Ffs, OP you’re not wrong for not telling a 2 year old all about reproductive systems.

Nice to see so many posts critiquing op for not tackling the matter when her child was 4 or 5 instead of giving any useful advice as requested.

Only wish I was as confident in my life choices 🙄

8 seems perfectly reasonable to me to think seriously about discussing periods with your daughter.

Honest, open discussion probs best op. Loads of books and online materials available, have a trawl through.

Hopefully there'll be some useful advice on this thread too, if you sift out the judgey and completely useless answers...

There are usually signs.

And periods start about 2 years after the first signs of puberty.

But if your daughter hasn't got any signs yet then you know you've got a bit of time yet.

The only reason I can see to tell them any earlier is to stop them from getting misinformation from others girls and to correct any misunderstandings they may have.

im baffled why some people don’t want to tell their kids about periods until they are close to having them? They are just a fact of life, and girls do tend to be getting them earlier: it’s sadly not unheard of for an 9 year old to have a period. Best that they get the information from a reliable source. OP; I’d recommend this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Girls-Guide-Growing-Up/dp/1526360187

You’d be surprised how young girls talk about this sort of thing! Even in the 80s we spoke about it from about 7 onwards.

it’s not taking away their innocence by telling them the facts of life! I’ve always been open with our son about bodily functions: and it’s a lot less awkward having brief chats with a young child than starting to have them with an adolescent.