how to explain menstruation to a 9 year old

[Mumof3beans]

I want to keep it simple but informative, without making it too awkward or overwhelming. How did you approach the topic with your dd? Did you explain the biological side of things or focus more on the emotional and social aspects? I want to make sure she feels comfortable and isn’t scared or confused, but also knows it’s a normal part of growing up. Also not overshare as she is on the early side of 9. Thoughts?

My daughter is 7 and I, as her mother, am just starting to think about explaining periods to her. I have many reasons to be considering telling her ta a completely normal and appropriate time, mostly some due to her emotional maturity. It's my business and I don't think my privacy needs to become a learning experience for my child before I want to discuss it.

I somehow manage to not have to change my sanitary towel in front of her. I lock the bathroom door and don't let my kids come in when I'm in the toilet unless we are out somewhere in a public loo. I keep my sanitary stuff in a cupboard and without trying to be very discreet or coy, just haven't exposed my kids to my period yet. I will when I think the time is right. I've noticed my daughter is filling out a little and will be telling her soon.

I will just tell her a woman bleeds once a month if she isn't pregnant. I'll give some basic anatomical reasons why but keep it brief and not make a big deal of it.

We have started the conversation with my 4 yo when she asked what the sanitary bins in toilets were for.
She has asked the odd question. She still doesn't really know what a period is, why is happens and what happens but that will come with time.
I think when you start early its easier to see it as a series of conversations where they slowly gather knowledge in age appropriate ways. When you start a bit later it can feel like you have to have this one conversation where you find the right way of approaching the subject but really it can still be a series of conversations just like if you started earlier.
I think the first step is to find out if they have any knowledge so far, if it's correct and what questions they have. Once you know where their baseline is you can start to build on what they know and fill in any gaps.
My mum told me nothing, I never connected the talk we had a school with blood as it was back in the day where a blue liquid was used demonstrate what pads and tampons are for. The first I knew there was blood involved was when there was blood in my knickers! It wasn't ideal but I survived, aside from that initial WTF moment I picked up the info pretty quickly!

My daughter is 14 and she actually started her period quite early so it was good that I introduced the concept to her when she was around 10 - it's a good idea to start speaking to her about these kind of things, because she'll either hear it from you OR she'll start to pick up info from other friends, TV shows, googling stuff potentially, which could be a bit overwhelming.

When she's a bit older, I'd really recommend this app called luna (weareluna) because they have so much info about periods, but it's all age-appropriate and made by experts/doctors, so I genuinely trust it. It takes all the embarrassment out of it, but it still encouraged my DD to open up to me about things like buying period products together etc.

Here's a good article that might help you begin convos with her for now: https://weareluna.app/parents/guides/periods-and-hormones/period-talk-with-daughter/

I'd hope schools would teach this maybe around 6-7. In a basic biological way.

But you can say that girls and women have periods, which looks like blood coming out of your vagina. They are totally normal and it means your body is getting ready to be able to make babies when you grow up, if you want babies.

We use sanitary towels or tampons (show them these?) and it usually happens every month for a few days. It's a sign of growing up and nearly all girls have it.

If she may start soon then obviously buy her the stuff to keep in her room.

I thought I had all that well in hand for my DD. All those “mummy, why have you got a happy? Is that poo? Is that bleeding? Are you lucky? Will daddy kiss it better? Why? Why? Why should I shush? I want to know!” All in public loos. I explained everything. She knew it all by 4.

Roll on puberty which came years before I expected it (9 instead of 13 like me), and she’d forgotten it all. And didn’t want to know.

Sometimes you’ve tried to tell them and you still end up googling it at the last minute.

I bought her a few issues of period pants and left them in the bathroom for her so she could get used to the idea.

Why do you think 6 year olds need to know. Any child aged 6 even showing any early signs of puberty would be considered to be experiencing precocious puberty and possibly treated with puberty blockers.

Most girls won't get their period for another 5 years and just won't remember this stuff if it was told to them at 6! Not to mention, how they feel about it all and the questions they might choose to ask, will be very different at 6 versus 9 or 10.

There really isn't any need to be teaching this at age 6, it's much more relevant and appropriate at age 9 or 10.

Also - and not so relevant to the OP’s question - I think it’s really important to discuss this with sons as well. I have a - now adult - son, who as a result of having 3 sisters between mine and his dad’s family was (whether he liked it or not) well versed in all things period-related by the time he was about 13 and quite happy going off to the shop to get some emergency tampons for his sister. I could barely bring myself to buy my own tampons at that age. I think demystifying these things in an age appropriate way as early as possible is a good thing.

so helpful

Women bleed every month, its perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of or scared of. Something along those lines. Short, simple and to the point. Then follow her lead when it comes to elaborating depending on and questions she has.

9 is leaving it very late.

I first had the conversation with DD when she was 2 and walked into the bathroom when I was changing a pad.

A woman's body gets ready to have a baby every month by making a sort of cushion out of blood and other things. When her body realises she isn't having a baby, the blood comes out of her vagina. It does hurt, but not as much as it looks like it would. For a 9 year old, you can go into a lot more detail about the egg and how when it's not fertilised it triggers hormonal changes in the body which causes the uterus lining to be flushed out.

Fair enough. Maybe they don't. But at 9 I'd say it's a little late.

Things like 'how babies are made' kind of stuff can be aimed at a young age group. I guess periods might not get mentioned in detail. But it's not terrible to teach things like that in a basic way from a fairly young age.

Many little kids will see their mum or older sister having periods?

my daughter (and son) are of the WHAT’s THAT IN THE LOO brigade so know the physical stuff.

i’ve also talked to them a lot about how my body REALLY wanted to have a baby this month and when I realised it wasn’t it was really really sad and made mummy cry. I am a slave to my hormones!!

I’ve always been quite open with mine so they are aware of periods quite early. My 10 year old also loves the Lottie Brooks books which talk quite a lot about periods in a funny, kid friendly way and that has inspired some conversations! Might be with a look.

https://amzn.eu/d/iIV2CNA

Thus book is age appropriate.

I think a lot of people on this thread underestimate the emotional side of getting their period for young girls.
Lots advocating for a very matter of fact scientific explanation of it all....

All well and good but please don't underestimate the need to talk about it much closer to the time to talk a bit about the emotions that may go alongside this, a feeling that their body is 'different' now, a feeling that it's a bit of a momentous milestone in growing up.

These conversations can't be had at 7/8. They need to be older and on the cusp of experiencing it, and you need to acknowledge that while you might want to destigmatise it, it's still quite a big deal for young girls!

You can have those conversations once it's happened and based on what your daughter actually does feel. It might have a massive emotional impact, it might not be such a big deal. My stepdaughter knew what to expect and wasn't in the least fussed apart from that she thought it was annoying and painful. 😂