OK so I hate the SAHM v WOHM debate as much as anyone, but last night I was absolutely SAVAGED by an SAHM for my choice to work

[limecrush]

I am still smarting.

She was drunk and ranting; she hardly knows me and no doubt it is all about her own issues; but I'm still smarting hard.

I am a lecturer, travel to work. Also had severe PND; there's a lot of issues. She knows about few of them.

It started with 'why are you seeking status' (erm as a lecturer not likely to get much of that).
'you have had two beautiful children, that is the greatest achievement you will ever have, and you are not there' strange that cos I seem to see an awful lot of my children really including at 4 am every morning this week and then 6 am and then from 5 every night while dh is still at work. But clearly, I am not there.

Then 'it's only five years, that wouldn't affect your career that much would it'

I then told her that I had been suicidal after ds1 was born and that work had helped to save me from that and that perhaps some women need to work? She just looked at me with that 'oh you're insane' look people do when you talk about depression.

I started to feel either like crying or slapping her and had to walk out of the bar in front of my other friends who probably now think I'm an overemotional nutter.

Oh, the 'debate' is definitely alive and well...

How awful for you. Some people really need to learn to respect other people's choices. I'm a SAHM myself and I really hate it when I hear about other SAHMs attacking working mums. It gives all of us a bad reputation. I firmly believe that every parent knows what is best for them and their own family and that everyone else in the world should just butt out! Try not to let it get to you. Your family, your life - your way!

Silly cow. (Her, not you)

Take no notice. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.

that is horrid

how on earth did the conversation start?

believe me this conversation says more about her than it does about you

are YOU happy with your choices?

Are your DCs happy and ok?

then you know what? that is ALL that matters

Message withdrawn

What a stupid, insensitive, arrogant cow.

You must must must ignore what she's said. And well done to you for simply leaving. Imagine if you'd started ranting about her for staying at home and not contributing to the economy and not setting her DCs a good example.

And your children were in bed whilst you were out, god forbid, having a social life.

You must do what is right for you. Your children are fine and well loved.

Gawd, I loathe pished up people. The booze makes em all evangelical and I think you are right - the problem is hers, not yours.

She was "drunk and ranting" and you don't know her, sod her.

You shouldn't have to feel that you have to justify your decisions, you know you already do what is right for you and your children.

Sorry you had such a poor night out

It is all about her. God, it's hard enough being a mother without this sort of grief.

thanks all. Ruby, she just launched in on me in a 'what's all this status seeking then' way. She generally looks down on me and won't acknowledge me in groups etc.

Awful thing is, it does set something off- feeling judged in that way- you can't help feeling guilty.

Until of course you remember that you have a dh whom NO ONE ever judges in this way (except to say 'oh what an amazing dad he is' etc )

I find people can be judgemental too, I have been criticised by my choice to SAH by a WM who said I was 'doing nothing' with my life!! I think, though, that most people (SAHMs or WOHMs) happy in their own choices would just think about their own life and not try to run other peoples.

I am just about to go back to work after two years and two dc's.

The reason for going back to work ? They are driving me nuts.

Everybody has different reasons for working or staying at home and everybody is entiltiled to their own choice.

Well done for not smacking her one

mmj that's awful. Have to say I've never heard a word said against SAHMs but then all my friends round here are, or only work p/t.

it seems as if the pressure on SAHMs is to work p/t to 'get a bit of yourself back' but you're not supposed to work f/t?

she sounds plain nasty to me

limecrush, she was drunk, ignore her

What a total bitch. Stay well away from her.

Did none of your friends do anything to support you/tell her to shut the fuck up?

Poor you. She was way out of line.

i'd have probably slapped her. Perhaps she was actually jealous and that's why she attacked you?

if your kids and you are happy and healthy, sod everyone else.

i can't wait to go back part time, which results in eye rolling from my step MIL, but i can't wait for 3 lunches a week without having to share or breastfeed at the same time. And i can pee without an audience for a change

I have 2 happy, well-adjusted older children who spent all of their early years in childcare while I worked FT. I have 2 happy, well-adjusted younger children who have mostly had me at home. It makes not one jot of difference.

So ignore her, it sounds like you were very self-controlled and let's just hope she has the hangover from hell that lasts the whole day, and possibly includes D&V . Hopefully she will have no pain-killers in the house.

Sounds like like she has some problems as it's just not right that she spoke to you like this.

is she projecting? jealous ?

sounds like she has no idea of the realities of the glass ceiling, and in fact the pleasure and fulfillment you can get from doing a job that you enjoy and are good at!

is she a good friend? worth telling her how upset you were? or just easier to steer clear

as ruby said, as long as you and your family are happy with your life choices, then her opinion is frankly, irrelevant.

She is clearly mental, my DS and I would both go batty if we had to stay at home together. Tried it for 6 months when we moved here with the above results.

Life is too short to let stupid people get too you, any chance you can have nothing further to do with her?

what a rude woman.

what did your friends say?