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Original poster

9yo massive tantrum after playing Fortnite

72 replies

SidonieBaker · 19/05/2025 18:29

DTS2 had (as usual) an enormous tantrum after being told to come off Fortnite tonight - the rule is, he gets an hour to play and that's it - his behaviour is absolutely horrendous if he's on any longer. Tonight he was told he had an hour, left for the hour, no interruptions - I went back in after the hour and told him that was it. He asked for a couple of minutes to finish off a round and I said ok, then at the end of that it was clear he wasn't anywhere near finished and it was just a fib, so I switched the internet off. He had been told and told and told and told that he had strictly an hour, we were going out so there was no possibility of extra time, etc etc - and he still went apeshit Shock

When I say apeshit - shouting, screaming, swearing - picked up his belt and swung it at me and DTS1, we both got hit with the buckle (DTS1 worse than me). More tantrumming, more swearing, threats to call Childline, threats to leave home, and so on. Told me what an awful person and mum I am, he hates me, he'd rather just live with DP as DP doesn't restrict his Fortnite time... on and on and on.

I loathe the game, his behaviour is terrible after playing, he's bright red and screaming - I'd never have let the DTs have it myself but DP caved in when he learned that most of the kids at their football club play (same age - all 8/ 9/ 10yo) and quite a lot of their school friends too. DTS1 will whine and whine for more playing time but doesn't have an absolute meltdown over it like DTS2.

He's slightly calmer now and I said I'm not going to discuss it with him again, he can wait and talk to DP when he gets back from work as he clearly won't listen to me anyway. I've switched the internet off to his PC and frankly it won't be coming back on any time soon, his behaviour has been appalling and he needs to understand that - but I'm at a loss for what else to do, he doesn't even seem to get that he could have seriously injured me and/ or his brother.

A close friend's DS turned violent at 13/ 14, they'd been very close up to him turning around 12 and then suddenly he started being rude, secretive, school refusing etc - it ended up with him hitting her, threatening her etc until she had to arrange for him to live with his DF as she was scared of being injured. I keep thinking about that now and thinking, what if that's DTS2? What if he starts doing that when he's bigger than me and stronger than me?

If anyone has any words of wisdom they would be much appreciated. I'm still in shock really and upset that he's spoilt what had been a nice day (we were going to go to his sports club too but couldn't as he was being so awful) and maybe I'm catastrophising based on my friend? But really I just don't know how to make him see that his behaviour is not normal/ acceptable!

OP posts:
Minimalistmamaoftwo · 19/05/2025 18:34

As far as I’m aware Fortnite is a 12, that age restriction is there for a reason. You know that this behaviour is horrendous and you can see it is from the game. You need to take it away from both of them and not have it in your house at all. I know you will say all their friends okay etc but they are not your concern, your sons are. If they miss out on stuff with their friends so what, it won’t kill them, letting them continue to play this addictive game that they are too young for is obviously already having a terrible impact so I’d worry less about hypothetical situations of being left out and the very real issues of violence and aggression which you can solve by taking away the game indefinitely

Fluffyholeysocks · 19/05/2025 18:35

I'd frame it that's he's clearly not mature enough to play the game as it makes him angry and violent. Tell him that once he's learned to control his emotions he may be allowed to play it but atm he's getting distressed, angry and violent which is totally unacceptable.

moanafan · 19/05/2025 18:37

What is DTS? Sorry, that’s confused me. Stop him playing it, very simple. He can’t cope with playing and stopping, so he doesn’t play at all. If, after a significant period of time (at least a couple of weeks!) he can demonstrate 20 minutes of play and then straight off, consistently, then maybe. But an hour is too long in my opinion. You’re right to be concerned, the gaming additions and violent behaviour I see in my secondary school is horrendous. Cut it out now or it’ll get so much worse!

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Stickthatupyourdojo · 19/05/2025 18:38

Fluffyholeysocks · 19/05/2025 18:35

I'd frame it that's he's clearly not mature enough to play the game as it makes him angry and violent. Tell him that once he's learned to control his emotions he may be allowed to play it but atm he's getting distressed, angry and violent which is totally unacceptable.

We did exactly this with our nearly 9 year old about six months ago. Best decision. He is back to being a pleasant loving boy now.

Tiswa · 19/05/2025 18:44

DS went through an awful stage around 9/10 I think he has a hormone rush the anger was terrible but he calmed down and is lovely again.

we needed boundaries and stuck to them

WaneyEdge · 19/05/2025 18:47

moanafan · 19/05/2025 18:37

What is DTS? Sorry, that’s confused me. Stop him playing it, very simple. He can’t cope with playing and stopping, so he doesn’t play at all. If, after a significant period of time (at least a couple of weeks!) he can demonstrate 20 minutes of play and then straight off, consistently, then maybe. But an hour is too long in my opinion. You’re right to be concerned, the gaming additions and violent behaviour I see in my secondary school is horrendous. Cut it out now or it’ll get so much worse!

Dear Twin Son?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/05/2025 18:49

Stop letting him play it until he is older

ButteredRadish · 19/05/2025 18:49

Why on earth are you allowing a 9yr old to play Fortnite???? No wonder he’s becoming angry

Stripeyanddotty · 19/05/2025 18:50

It would be gone completely in our house if that is the way they are affected by it.

TourangaLeila · 19/05/2025 18:54

We have a thing in our house "games should be fun" the minute it starts to impact their behaviour and becomes now fun they have a game break of a week or so.

I've explained why to them and that I will decide so they can blame me at school if they want.

They both agree that it helps. Time for your 9yo to have a sustained break from the computer games.

Firm boundaries op.

Fwiw I am a parent of a 12 and a 9 year old boy. So I feel you

user2848502016 · 19/05/2025 18:58

If this were my 10 year old DD she would be on a screen time ban for the rest of the week, and no more Fortnite until she’s 12.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 19/05/2025 18:59

Words of wisdom? Don’t expect your 9 year old child to not get violent and reckless having let him play a game of violence and recklessness.

Seriously- explain to him that it’s damaging his developing brain and he’s not allowed to play it anymore. I have a 9 year old so I get the pressure of what “everyone else” is allowed to do but this is insane.

Lolapusht · 19/05/2025 19:02

Agree that you’ve done the right thing by banning Fortnite.

Give him the chance to prove he can control himself so he doesn’t feel completely thwarted. I always give mine a chance to do the right behaviour if that makes sense? When they’re cross at something, if I go in all shouty taking stuff away from them it just escalates and no-one is happy.

Our gaming boundaries are clear and strict. I give them a countdown for “black screens”. If it’s not black by the time I get to zero it’s give the next day. They’ve lost them a few times so know I mean it. Something like Fortnite I would let them finish a game etc, unless they’re taking the p*ss.

Give him a framework. Had to do what you say when you say, do chores, be polite etc and once he’s shown he can behave in a civilised manner he can have limited Fortnite time. He loses it again when he cones off and Fortnite goes.

“Everyone else has it…” is the bane of modern parenting!!

ChaToilLeam · 19/05/2025 19:03

That's horrendous behaviour! No more Fortnite and an extended break from gaming. It's clearly very bad for him.

goodnightssleepbenice · 19/05/2025 19:05

I would ban that game completely, it doesn’t matter what his friends are doing you can’t have behaviour like that .

Fitzcarraldo353 · 19/05/2025 19:06

Agree with others about banning it completely. But leaving him alone to play for an hour compounded the issues. Mine always get countdowns or 10 and then 5 minute warnings to come off screens, so they know it's coming to an end and they would never get a full hour of gaming at that time. 30 mins max.

Seeline · 19/05/2025 19:07

Well that's that - no more Fortnite, and no more screens this week.

But I think it is very easy to lose track of time on screens. I would give a ten minute warning.

DysmalRadius · 19/05/2025 19:07

I can only tell you what worked for me - mine was a bit older but this is how we handled it.

Surprised him by apologising. Said that I knew this game might not be good for him and I let myself be persuaded (even adults are subject to peer pressure) but I should have been strong and protected him from it. That it is designed to be hard to stop (losing progress etc unless you reach certain points). I said That I understood that he can't control himself when he's played and I wanted help him by removing the option.

'I love you too much to let you get yourself into this kind of state over a game.' Even if they are furious, it's hard to argue with love.

yhiata · 19/05/2025 19:09

He is too young for Fortnite and his behaviour is telling you he’s not mature enough for Fortnite.
You are the parent so you need to parent.
It doesn’t matter what is friends say they are allowed to do, and that is something that you will need to do with for years yet.
Decide how you wish to parent and act accordingly. You are letting your sons down if you don’t

bostonchamps · 19/05/2025 19:15

I think you and DP should talk to him together when DP gets home, otherwise (assuming DP is male/his dad) you're telling him men are more important and need to be listened to vs women who can just be threatened and then ignored

ohfook · 19/05/2025 19:16

Fluffyholeysocks · 19/05/2025 18:35

I'd frame it that's he's clearly not mature enough to play the game as it makes him angry and violent. Tell him that once he's learned to control his emotions he may be allowed to play it but atm he's getting distressed, angry and violent which is totally unacceptable.

This is exactly what I did with my eldest. I said it’s their job to make people want to keep playing these games because that’s how they make money, but if you can’t cope with that then it’s telling me you’re too young to be playing. We’ll try again in a few months.

interestingly with my son though, and I’d be interested to know if this is other children too, he thinks he wants to sit around and game all day but it actually makes him moody and unhappy. He’s much happier outside physically playing. We have fairly strict screen time rules though because he seems unable to recognise this himself.

Summerhillsquare · 19/05/2025 19:16

Everyone saying she should ban it, it's not OP who permitted it, it's their father. Who doesn't have to deal with the consequences it appears.

Theunamedcat · 19/05/2025 19:19

Uninstall it don't wait for "the man of the house" shut that shit down immediately they will never respect you if your always waiting for backup to deal with them

gamerchick · 19/05/2025 19:20

Fortnite turned my kid into a demon. He banned himself from it in the end. I've never met a kid who is calm playing that one.

MrsKeats · 19/05/2025 19:24

Minimalistmamaoftwo · 19/05/2025 18:34

As far as I’m aware Fortnite is a 12, that age restriction is there for a reason. You know that this behaviour is horrendous and you can see it is from the game. You need to take it away from both of them and not have it in your house at all. I know you will say all their friends okay etc but they are not your concern, your sons are. If they miss out on stuff with their friends so what, it won’t kill them, letting them continue to play this addictive game that they are too young for is obviously already having a terrible impact so I’d worry less about hypothetical situations of being left out and the very real issues of violence and aggression which you can solve by taking away the game indefinitely

100%. Games console in the bin.
What were you thinking letting a 9 year old have this game?