We allowed our 11-year-old DS to play Fortnite on his Switch this year after looking into the game and seeing that the game was age-appropriate (he’s turning 12 soon), You can play it without having to purchase items, you can block public access and only play with enclosed groups etc, so from a safety point of view, the controls are pretty good. But we didn’t realise quite how addictive the game is, It began to cause behavioural problems in our DS as well, Culminating in him having a huge screaming match with me, or at least AT me, which he has never done before . I didn’t rise to his shouting, and walked away, but after that, we took the switch away for two weeks while we considered what the new rules were going to be given the huge change in his behaviour. I really felt that we had lost our kind sweet boy. My husband and I discussed it a lot, and after the two weeks went back to my son with a really clear list of rules and consequences, that we made sure he understood before returning the switch to him.
Personally, given the addictive nature of the game, I think 9 is too young. It is set up to draw you in, with ever changing new worlds and exciting new kit. It might not feel like it, but it is within your power as his parent to remove the game from your life and his life. You can tell him that you’ve been looking into the game, that you’ve been shocked and upset by his recent behaviour, you’ve discovered that it is a 12+ game and so you’re going to remove it. Yes, he will scream and shout, and probably beg for a week or so, but he’s a child living in your house and he will have no option other than to accept it. You could try and ease the pain by doing some fun stuff with him. He will be addicted to this game, and having withdrawal when he has not on it. Having it removed will feel like pain to him, and he may seem heartbroken but stay strong if you want your boy back.
When we realised how addictive the game was, we decided to restrict DS to playing only for 1h15, and only on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday and Sunday, he’s only allowed to play if he has finished his homework. But, he is almost 12 and not 9, he does have more maturity than a 9 year old. Since we introduced this much stricter rules, his behaviour has improved enormously. He has great fun on the game with his friends, but I wish we had never introduced it into our lives.
If my DS ever complains to me about the restrictions, especially compared to his friends, I say to him ‘Gosh, aren’t you lucky to have parents that love you so much but they wont allow you to damage the development of your brain by spending too much time on Fortnite at your age’ and variations on the theme. I try and always approach these pleadings with love and smiles, and despite him complaining, it usually manages to raise a smile back, accompanied by an eye roll. A tickle and a hug goes a long way!
PS If you do decide to allow him to continue to use it, do you know that you can set a timer on the switch itself via an app on your phone? Sorry it’s my husband‘s department, I can’t really give you any more information though I can ask him if you would like to know more. DS will then see the time he has on the screen, which I think your son will find easier to handle than his mother coming in and telling him to get off the device mid-game. We also always allow the option for 15 minutes more, eg the timer will be set for an hour but he can get a bonus 15 minutes at the end of it if he comes and asks for it. This way, he feels like he’s winning and we haven’t lost anything as we know we’ll give him 1h15 in any case. At any other time, the switch is turned off remotely and password protected, and DS cannot access it without our express permission.
PPS We decided on an hour according to government recommendations for screen time for children his age (we don’t live in the UK, I don’t know if there are similar guidelines in the UK but you can also find guidelines online).
Good luck and let us know what you decide to do and how it works out! It is possible to restore peace and Harmony, we’re the proof in the pudding!
PPPS I read recently that Kirsty Allsop became so sick of the arguments and disobedience from her kids to do with devices, that she smashed all of her kids devices up with a hammer when they went over their screen time for the umpteenth time. So you always have THAT as a nuclear option…lol